The Projection Machine

[darren]

I always wondered what you would call it, but mirroring might be what I'm looking for.  "Emotional Vacuum Cleaner" is also a good term =)... I think I found myself sometimes referring to her as an emotional vampire, even though I always respected that she wasn't mentally healthy and attributed it to that.

I don't know always how to respond to what she did, because she was very sick and couldn't help it.  But she did do these terrible things.  She often did try to sabotage things for me, and its just hard for me to picture the thought process that motivate people to do these things.  I can see normal people doing these things, but not on such a large scale.  My ex begged me to help her get a job where I was employed, and I finally gave in because I felt sorry for her... despite me knowing all along that it would be a very bad idea.  She told people I didn't know what I was doing, claimed to know more about computers than I did, and told people I abused her.  I felt bad for her and put up with it because I wanted to help her... I was more than willing to teach her the skills she needed to know, and I was confident she was smart enough to learn them, but goodness... this girl just knew everything there was to know and couldn't possibly learn anything new.

She did do the sabotage thing which I didn't even catch on to.  I didn't get it... I mean... I was a bum for most of my life who couldn't get a job or keep one.  If there's one good thing that came out of that relationship is that the home life was so bad that I was actually motivated to get a job to escape.  For the first time I had a job I didn't dread waking up to and dragging myself to work, and I worked myself from the bottom of the ladder and got to be head of my own department.  Its so hard to try and help somebody who needs it when they want to destroy what you've worked for and earned.  There was a time though I needed to learn more, to advance myself further... and she just wouldn't allow it.  She's always interrupt.  
I just don't understand how someone would want to throw wrenches into the gears.  

The worst part is just... how she tried to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend.  She never said anything mean, always said the nicest things (even though they weren't sincere)... she was just the rgeat pretender.

Its a shame we all had to deal with people like that...  

[Gabben]

 

The worst part is just... how she tried to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend.  She never said anything mean, always said the nicest things (even though they weren't sincere)... she was just the rgeat pretender.

Its a shame we all had to deal with people like that...  

Imposter's never get angry and never try to outwardly stir conflict. If you get a chance read my ambient abuse thread.

The kind of damage people like N-Saint and your ex do if far more insidious than those that are outright aggressive. Covert aggression is the worst....the pretenders are usually targeting one person in the mist of others while they are pretending to be innocent.

Lise

[darren]

 

The worst part is just... how she tried to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend.  She never said anything mean, always said the nicest things (even though they weren't sincere)... she was just the rgeat pretender.

Its a shame we all had to deal with people like that...  

Imposter's never get angry and never try to outwardly stir conflict. If you get a chance read my ambient abuse thread.

The kind of damage people like N-Saint and your ex do if far more insidious than those that are outright aggressive. Covert aggression is the worst....the pretenders are usually targeting one person in the mist of others while they are pretending to be innocent.

Lise

Yah, I never met anyone like her.  It was quite a shocker to figure out I was being abused for so long and wasn't even really aware of it.  I will definately check out the ambient abuse thread.  There's so many interesting topics here I can't keep up...

She did do a whole lot of the regular projection, though.  I tried my best, but it was just impossible to deal with.  Any issue I had, or problem I tried to express to her, it would just get turned around on me.  I took my entry level psychology course in college and learned all about projection, but I was never aware that it could be so severe.  I pictured it as the guy who had a bad day at work and came home and took it on the dog without being aware... but I guess that is normal projection.  I could tell my ex that she did something inappropriate and she would instantly project it onto me.  I did it, or its a fault in me.  It was kinda scary at times.  She could project like a master, but she couldn't ever explain it.  As illogical as it sometimes was she couldn't make that connection. 

[Gabben]

I took my entry level psychology course in college and learned all about projection, but I was never aware that it could be so severe. 

Me neither until I met Nsaint she gave me a whole new perspective on how many potentially warped minds are out there.

[Gabben]

I just love this little tidbit on bullies and projection........

Projection
Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc. on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the bully's own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the bully has committed these acts; when the bully makes an allegation of abuse (such allegations tend to be vague and non-specific), it is likely to be the bully who has committed the abuse. When the bully makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.

[darren]

I just love this little tidbit on bullies and projection........

Projection
Bullies project their inadequacies, shortcomings, behaviours etc. on to other people to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it (learning about oneself can be painful), and to distract and divert attention away from themselves and their inadequacies. Projection is achieved through blame, criticism and allegation; once you realise this, every criticism, allegation etc that the bully makes about their target is actually an admission or revelation about themselves. This knowledge can be used to perceive the bully's own misdemeanours; for instance, when the allegations are of financial or sexual impropriety, it is likely that the bully has committed these acts; when the bully makes an allegation of abuse (such allegations tend to be vague and non-specific), it is likely to be the bully who has committed the abuse. When the bully makes allegations of, say, "cowardice" or "negative attitude" it is the bully who is a coward or has a negative attitude.

That reminds me of one of the most interesting little tricks I learned about projection when dealing with my ex-girlfriend.  She'd never be honest with me about how she felt about anything... she just told me what I wanted to head.  If I did manage to break through those lies and confront her, I was greeted with projection.  But, when I gave her no response or no input to go on, I could become aware about what she was thinking because she'd project it onto me.  Thats when I found out some scary things, and she'd flip out a bit.  She'd accuse me of being psychotic, saying she was fearful that I'd get angry and do mean things to "punish her"... and things so off the wall I wont even mention it.  So in a way, once I stopped feeding her things to project, she pretty much told me in her unhealthy way exactly how she felt about herself.  Its how I found out that she cheated on me to intentionally hurt me and punish me, and not because she had feelings for other people.  Its also how I found out she might be having some kind of psychotic episode.  When I didn't react or respond she'd just guess as to what I might be thinking or feeling, and thats when I learned so much about her.  It also had the effect of making her projection less hurtful to me, because they were things she thought about herself but she wasn't capable of facing that reality. 

Nowadays I'm not so concerned about what or why she did these things, but I am interested in how I do these these things myself.  I'd like to be more aware of when I'm projecting.  Anyways, its nice to hear other people talking about things that experienced.  The people around me just don't tend to get it or understand. 

[Gabben]

That reminds me of one of the most interesting little tricks I learned about projection when dealing with my ex-girlfriend.  She'd never be honest with me about how she felt about anything... she just told me what I wanted to head. 

That is what N's and P's do, fake emotion, they are actors. What amazes me is that they have found the time to construct these lies and lines.

Its how I found out that she cheated on me to intentionally hurt me and punish me, and not because she had feelings for other people. 
Nowadays I'm not so concerned about what or why she did these things, but I am interested in how I do these these things myself.  I'd like to be more aware of when I'm projecting.  Anyways, its nice to hear other people talking about things that experienced.  The people around me just don't tend to get it or understand. 

She did these things because deep in N and P's hearts is a well of hatred. Hateful people act out thier unconcious fantasies for revenge on those they love the most. Perhaps her parents deeply betrayed her trust and confidence? Perhaps she was neglected and abused at a very young age?

For more on N's revenge:

http://www.ultimate-self.com/the-narcissists-revenge/