Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Dealing with toxic people

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Sela:
Thankyou from me too Izzy.


--- Quote ---Detachment is a process of not caring
--- End quote ---

And here I thought I was detached because I am physically removed from dealing with the toxic person. 
This helps me a lot.....to have it put into words like that.  Thankyou.

I have to work at not caring!  I have to work at not caring!  I must work at not caring!  Soon I won't care!!!

I think this might be the most balancing thing for me. 

Welcome Aubrey.  Maybe that idea will help you too?  Maybe you have to work at not caring about what stupid step-maw says?  Maybe soon you won't care either?  Ignor.  Ignor.  Like any other pesky little bug.

Hiya Fear Fighter and welcome to you too!

I love your name!  Keep fighting those fears!!!  I'm glad you got that release from crying (even though it's no fun.....it sounds like it helped lift some weight from your soul).    Nothing wrong with a man crying.  That's just some stupid rule some dope made up.  If God never meant for you to cry, He would not have given you tear ducts!!

(((((((((Aubrey and Fear Fighter and all))))))))))

Sela

James73:
Hey Izzy Ive been reading some posts on the "What Helps" section and its a treasure trove of good advice, I love this post youve done and I will be printing it out too, thanks Izzy your a wonderful help !
James

had it:
Hi just need to express my anger.frustration and sadness...yes im so angry right now..i lostt he plot this morning with a  toxic child, my 8 yr old grandson, I could take no more of his violent behaviour towards others and his abusive way he speaks to me and everyone else that he cant control to get his own way, he is very abusive,nasty and yells at everying that its always their fault when things go wrong, even to speak nice to this boy that he should speak nicer and not yell abusively would be a better way and he retaliates with abuse for tying to teach him how to deal with conversations, and no understanding that he shouldnt treat people and other children like dogs.He tells me hes the golden child and can do as he wants, that was after bashing his 4 yr old sister yet again because he didnt want to share a couch. Ive tried so many times to help and be nice and I cant do it anymore.Hes evil to the bone and I have to walk away and never mind this child again.I can take no more of it I came home in tears.Im so sick of hearing exceuse even from his parents that when he is like this which is most of the time that hes tired or hes sick or if someone hadnt done something to him he would be ok. This child is headed for big trouble and sad to say nanna has had enough and is walking away.I will never ever mind this child again as i have many times had him.I dont even want him in my home its that bad the way he treats me in my home.The other grandkids dont want to play with him and im so caught in the middle. He really did my head in today and that was the last straw of how right he is and if everyone else let him be he is ok.I can take no more. im a nervous wreck when hes around.

James73:
Hey H.I., sounds like a good idea to back away from that child he does sound a nightmare and the parents and his environment in general will be too blame, its is sad but some people cant be helped and as much as we'd like to sometimes we cannot interfere to any major degree or effect with someone else's child. I hope things get better for your and its good to get anger off your chest.
My thoughts are with you
James

Hopalong:
Hi Hadit,
I'm so sorry.
That must be really painful.
Parents who don't set limits share the consequences with anyone else who loves the child.
I hope there will be some opportunity to tell him, without anger, that the reason you don't spend time with him any more is that you can't accept him talking to you and treating you that way.

In a way, you're teaching him something important. I think it's important for him to hear that it is HIS consequence.

Maybe you could write him a very simple letter? (Here I go...)

Dear ____,
I love you and I always will. So it makes me sad that I can't spend time with you. But I can't be with a little boy who talks to me in an ugly way, hurts me, and won't mind my rules. I haven't figured out how to get you to be nice to me, so some other grownup will have to be in charge of you.

I will keep you in my prayers.
love,
Grandma

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