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On Voicelessness and being patronised...

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Anonymous:
I think being patronizing is just human nature. Survival of the fittest on a different level. It's a 'superior mind gene' operating. Just smack it down, is my motto. I try to deal with patronization, by doing like. It's a fight fire with fire thing with me. All I can say is I'm not 'big' enough to ignore it most of the time, I haven't achieved sainthood yet! And I don't like the flushed cheeks, rapid pulse and anxiety it creates in me, so I slam back. It works for me. I've got strong 'mind gene's to pal'. THWACK.

Guest.

cj:
Dunno if I'm even on the right track here, but I'm guessing its a battle of wits, combined with feeling conviction in what you are saying, and in yourself! That battle of wits I'd imagine would also involve 'sneakiness', and as someone else said, fight fire with fire (face it, if you get cocky enough, its hard to resist!:)).
For me, being patronised, sometimes is like having my very 'self' torn in two. A constant questioning myself whether I am right, or not. Like double think in 1984, on a personal level (was doublethink the term? I'm not sure, maybe mixing it up with some other). Its not being able to believe either.
'Their' weaponary lies in facial expression '(Shocked expression, open mouth which says 'I...I...can't believe I'm hearing this, what are you doing to *me*???!!'). Putting words into your mouth which have not been spoken, i.e. manipulating the meaning of what you *have* said, and making it something that induces guilt. Its hard to think on your feet when your anxious indeed, which doesn't help your cause of defending yourself clearly and precicely. Its a denying of 'you' maybe which is why its so bad.

Sally (sslichterj):
Rosencrantz: Me too, about the patronizing.  I think, for me, it's part of the issue of not being heard.  Usually (or so it seems to me) the patronizer is jumping to a resolution of the issue, and skipping past my feelings.  An attempt to "fix me".  I'm familiar with the behavior since I have a problem with that myself.  Sometimes it is so hard for me to just stay with, 'oh, how awful, how sad, etc etc. and instead jump in with some advice as to what they "should" do in order to get out of the feeling. AARRRRRRRGGGHH!!! Hate it when people do that to me.  

But, it's hard to separate giving good honest frank advice, I think, from being patronizing.  I think sometimes the patronizing is almost like enabling..giving someone comfort for an issue that is clearly damaging to them.  

Tricky subject, but a good one. Love reading your posts!!!  Sally

rosencrantz:
cj - what you are describing there is, to me, the full-on manipulative abuse of an 'N'!!  So I think that answers an earlier question of yours as to whether there are Ns in your life.  If you've experienced that directly, then there are!!  
R

cj:
Yes Rosencrantz. The plot thickens.....
 :roll:

I felt so annoyed last night. My mother was asking me where the cat had gone (he walked through to the kitchen) (she is paranoid it will 'sneak out' at night (its not allowed to roam about at night), and not come back in, and thus will be harmed outside over night!), and I told her it was in the kitchen. She asked me to chase him through after he'd finished eating assuming I wasn't going back upstairs. I went upstairs for a tick, and left it eating, and when I came back down, she asked me where it was again (this time in a stroppyish/impatient manner while in the living room). It annoyed me, but I didn't know if i should be angry, and couldn't get angry anyway, because I didn't know if it was justified, and even if I had, she would revert to 'what are you talking about, I just asked you where the cat was?' Sidelining the point about the way it was said!
If she *is* narcisistic, I can't wait till it creeps into her relationship, and ends it. Horrible as that sounds.

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