Developing Radar to Alert Against N's.

[Bones]

I think after being on this Board for awhile, I've begun to develop a sort of "radar" sense when an N is nearby or when N behavior is being observed.  For example, the other day I was watching Judge Judy when an Nmother had the NERVE to aim her N-behavior at Judge Judy!  BIG, HUGE, MISTAKE on the N's part and was fun to watch the consequences!  Judge Judy does NOT play!

This evening, when I went to work, my "radar warning system" started to go off when one of the clients started attempting to hand me a bunch of drivel, expecting me to feel sorry for her.  When I commented that she needs to look at other points of view and be empathetic about how other people feel, she responded:  "I DON'T WANT TO EMPATHIZE AND I DON'T HAVE TO!" and started attempting to rationalize her entitlements.  My response?  "I'm not wasting any more of my time conversing with you and this discussion is over!"  Then I turned my back on her and walked away.  She attempted to follow me, whining more self-centered, self-absorbed drivel and I told her "It happens, so what?!?"  She got the message and left me alone.

Bones

[Stormchild]

BRAVA!!!!!!!

Well done when you can flush them from cover that quickly, Bones.

[Leah]

Bones with her N-Detector on      (no smiley thingy for an N-Detector....... so will that do?!)

Today, I had to go drop some items off the ex church lady friend I told you about .... who is most likely an N

and had on my N-Detector ......

So I graciously .... tentatively ...... accepted her kind offer of a coffee ........... but, it had a price!!

So we sit across the table and she made light comments .... then followed ..... one Projection after another!!

To which I responded ... "do you realise that you are referring to yourself, not me?"

Her eyes went black and huge ....... and she sat silent staring at me.

The silence was not golden, it was now getting uncomfortable....

And so I graciously, politely, thanked her for my coffee, and left.

She stood in her porch ........... staring as I cordially waved goodbye.

Genuinely, do feel a compassion for this lost soul.

But, she cannot hurt me anymore .... I simply won't permit it.

Leah

[seastorm]

Oh Leah that is so wonderful!!!! Holy smokes. I wish I could have had the presence of mind to do that when I was attacked in a hurtful way.

I am going to make a mental sticky for this and try to remember.

You are courageous.

i have been watching the Sopranos lately and Tony's mom is a blown up characature of an N mother. Just seeing her in action with her son and the subtleties of her undermining him is eye opening. Eventually, she unconsciously of course, she sets him up to be killed by continually disclosing to his fellow gang members that he is seeing a psychiatrist. This is worse than killing people ie seeing a pyschiatrist. Personally, I often felt that my mother was trying to destroy me but I wouldn't and couldn't believe it. What IS the goal of a Narcissistic parent? They are spirit killers.

Sea storm
Sea storm

[Leah]

Personally, I often felt that my mother was trying to destroy me but I wouldn't and couldn't believe it. What IS the goal of a Narcissistic parent? They are spirit killers.


Gosh Sea storm,

That's what I came to strongly believe regarding my Nmother

And many times I have thought .... how evil she must truly be deep inside .... to want to destroy another human being ... her daughter!!!

There can be no other word for it ....... not nice to say ..... but the facts must speak for themselves.

Leah

[Stormchild]

There is a saying, I think among the Inuit, that the chief food of human beings is the souls of other human beings... I was trying to find the direct quote, and didn't manage it. But I did find this: and it speaks to the heart of the matter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Edgar Lee Masters (1868–1950).  Spoon River Anthology.  1916.

108. Robert Davidson

I GREW spiritually fat living off the souls of men.
If I saw a soul that was strong
I wounded its pride and devoured its strength.
The shelters of friendship knew my cunning,
For where I could steal a friend I did so.
And wherever I could enlarge my power
By undermining ambition, I did so,
Thus to make smooth my own.
And to triumph over other souls,
Just to assert and prove my superior strength,
Was with me a delight,
The keen exhilaration of soul gymnastics.
Devouring souls, I should have lived forever.
But their undigested remains bred in me a deadly nephritis,
With fear, restlessness, sinking spirits,
Hatred, suspicion, vision disturbed.
I collapsed at last with a shriek.
Remember the acorn;
It does not devour other acorns.
 
http://www.bartleby.com/84/108.html

[Overcomer]

Great thread!!  I am getting better, too.  My husband pulled the sullen, "we need to talk" Jekyl/Hyde thing last night and I just raised my eyebrows and walked away.  You should have seen me grovel in years past.  I also play the "dumb blonde" around my mom (although my hair is almost black...........)  Just ignoring her hateful spirit and responding with a "(duh) isn't that nice?"

You guys, the not reacting to the buttons pushed gives you so much power!

[Leah]

(((( Stormchild ))))

Amazing absolutely amazing

In my own bumbled way, for a few years now, I have tried to say something on the lines of


I GREW spiritually fat living off the souls of men.
If I saw a soul that was strong
I wounded its pride and devoured its strength.
The shelters of friendship knew my cunning,
For where I could steal a friend I did so.
And wherever I could enlarge my power
By undermining ambition, I did so,
Thus to make smooth my own.
And to triumph over other souls,
Just to assert and prove my superior strength,


Never before have I come across anyone who understood what I was trying to say.

Did not know how to search and find ........ this is the answer to my heartfelt quest ......

Thank you so much for posting this right now.

You know Stormchild, as I drove home today, from that ex church lady friends house,

I had this thought come to me ....... that she wanted to kill my spirit

that she felt weakened ........ as I was no longer "poor Leah"

as there I had sat shining from my eyes, with my restored inner joy .......

but she was joyless, and seemingly powerless.

God Bless you  ((((( Stormchild ))))

What has come to me so long ago ..... is real after all.

Humble thanks,

((Leah))

[Stormchild]

Great thread!!  I am getting better, too.  My husband pulled the sullen, "we need to talk" Jekyl/Hyde thing last night and I just raised my eyebrows and walked away.  You should have seen me grovel in years past.  I also play the "dumb blonde" around my mom (although my hair is almost black...........)  Just ignoring her hateful spirit and responding with a "(duh) isn't that nice?"

You guys, the not reacting to the buttons pushed gives you so much power!

Kell, you are reacting. You are reacting by choosing to stay calm, and in control of yourself, and that keeps you on steady footing.

You go girl! And take it one event at a time.

[Stormchild]

... as I drove home today, from that ex church lady friends house,

I had this thought come to me ....... that she wanted to kill my spirit

that she felt weakened ........ as I was no longer "poor Leah"

as there I had sat shining from my eyes, with my restored inner joy .......

but she was joyless, and seemingly powerless.

Leah, you saw through it, you saw through the game, just as kell did in her situations.

You could believe your own judgement, you knew that you were right about what you saw, and you didn't allow yourself to be drawn into feeling guilty about escaping.

Fantastic!

[Leah]

((((stormchild))))


Thanks, your encouragement really means a lot to me ........ living on my own, no-one to share with.  (thinking about it - no difference really!) but you get my drift.

She tried to throw in "we are not to judge" and with all I have rabbited on here, boring you all silly no doubt, about the real meaning of 'judging'  ..... I was able to gracefully flow with the true meaning.

Leah

[reallyME]

Seastorm,

I read your post about the show THE SOPRANOS.  I don't prefer to watch mafia-type shows, personally, but, being from an Italian family, I can tell you that there is a definitely noticeable MATRIARCHAL narcissism that often goes on in many of them.  The grandmother is almost like a queen and the mother, seen as her successor.  When the grandmother walks into the room, all eyes are on her, and people begin scrambling to please her.  God help any of the children who dare to speak out of turn to the lady!

My grandmother is a good person, but the way my step-father made us walk on eggshells at her house, and he did the same, was ridiculous!  My grandfather also held a lot of weight in things too, but it was more subtle.

Just noting.

[Leah]

Sea storm and reallyME,

Have not watched The Sopranos but understand that traditionally, italian catholic families are matriarchal.
Italian family I knew explained this to me as being to do with Mary.

I found The Godfather scary so have not braved The Sopranos - it's very popular here.

Leah

[Stormchild]

((((stormchild))))


Thanks, your encouragement really means a lot to me ........ living on my own, no-one to share with.  (thinking about it - no difference really!) but you get my drift.

She tried to throw in "we are not to judge" and with all I have rabbited on here, boring you all silly no doubt, about the real meaning of 'judging'  ..... I was able to gracefully flow with the true meaning.

Leah

Not boring at all. The difference between judging and discerning is important, and people gloss over it all too often.

Please keep posting. You are bringing good, fresh information here, it's interesting, it's helpful, it's needed. I do wish you had been spared the things that brought you here... but - glad you found this place.

[Bones]

BRAVA!!!!!!!

Well done when you can flush them from cover that quickly, Bones.

Thanks, Stormy!

Bones