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let yourself be just another person

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Wildflower:
Thank you all for your replies.  They’ve really helped put things into perspective for me and I think see it now.  

Being ‘average’ or ‘normal’ or ‘like everyone else’ was my way of breaking free from the cage of grandiosity.  My world was cut off by my parents’ words that allowed them to think better of themselves.  I repeated these words and alienated people.  I internalized these words and limited myself by refusing to try certain ‘unacceptable’ things.  I limited my desires and emotions by not allowing myself to be ‘weak minded’ or ‘inferior’ or ‘base’.

Now I’ve gone the other direction, but I think that’s okay for now.  By allowing myself to be average and just like everyone else, my world has opened up to all kinds of new possibilities – some I’ll keep, and some I’ll decide aren’t for me after all.  But at least it’ll be from experience – not from fear.   :D


--- Quote ---Portia wrote: The more I listen to people, watch them, the more I think that the crowd doesn’t really exist. People are much stranger than we think, I’m sure.
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This really struck me because I remember the day I stood on a corner and realized I couldn’t ‘see’ people because I couldn’t recognize how different everyone was – even when they appeared to be the same.


--- Quote ---Rosencrantz wrote: Having read your posts, I find myself seeking to define and differentiate between a 'disordered' life and a 'bohemian' lifestyle. The results are probably the same (us, bewildered kids who don't know which way is up) - but the roots must be different because the bohemian makes a choice (however unwise, misguided, etc 'we' might think they are) whereas the truly disordered don't have a choice.
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I felt like you were in my head when I read this because I don’t remember saying anything about bohemian lifestyle, but outsiders have viewed my mother’s life this way, and it’s such an interesting question: disordered vs. bohemian.


--- Quote ---Rosencrantz wrote: Hmmm - so the the root would be less the 'entitlement' of the NPD who believe they are too good for this world - but more a sense of already having been given too much - a sense of NOT being entitled. The shame of the first vs the guilt of the second, not wanting to hang around long enough to be accused.
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I’m not sure I understood this part, though, and I was wondering if you could talk a little more about the shame vs. guilt you mentioned.


--- Quote ---seeker wrote: The very sad thing to me is, I have never felt like I belonged anywhere. I think I posted on another thread that I was also party to my own discomfort, because if I joined, I would lose myself--because of the overwhelming demands of doing for others and not getting anything back. That is, because of my family environment I had to stand on my own, figure things out for myself.
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I hear this loud and clear!  I think this is why it’s been difficult for me to get past a certain level of intimacy with people.  I’ve been so afraid of being sucked in and lost – without even realizing that’s what I was so afraid of.  And yet, I none of my friends were asking me to do this, to lose myself.  I was doing this out of habit.

Wildflower

rosencrantz:
Just a quickie in reply...


--- Quote ---guilt is about our actions (what we did) - shame is about our fundamental 'self', our being (who we are)...
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That's from a discussion on another thread we had last year - Shame the Ultimate Voicelessness.
R

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