It's Starting to Make Sense. Thank You.

[quietkate]

I was a child prodigy on piano, a spelling bee champion who had perfect report cards until I ran into Spanish class in 5th grade.

My mother often complained bitterly that my younger two siblings were somehow deprived as I received so much more attention than them.  She went out of her way to lavish attention on them and disdain on me regardless of the disapproval of other family members.

Only now, at 53, is it becoming clear to me that the problem wasn't that I was distracting attention from my siblings.  The problem was that I was distracting attention from my mother.

And that knowledge is changing my life.

I am so glad I discovered this board and all of you.

[Leah]

Hi Quietkate and Welcome 

The path of discovery, searching and finding, the reasons and answers, seeking and receiving validation of our unique real life experiences.

Bringing hope of liberty, healing and restoration.   

Know only too well the feeling of gladness and relief when finding a place such as this, packed with insightful helpful resources on the "what helps" board, and also on this message board.  With sharing and support, one for another.

So glad you have joined with us. 

Leah

[Gaining Strength]

So glad you are here.

[Hopalong]

Me too, Quiet Kate, I'm glad you're here.
Warm welcome.

It's like a chandelier going off in your head one lightbulb at a time...

It's like when the popcorn starts exploding in the microwave.

For me, it's been a relief to have the popping slow to a near halt.

But it took years. Good to start no matter when, though.

Hopalong

[seastorm]

Hi Quiet Kate:

Welcome.  That is quite a revelation to see how your mother was coming from a place of envy and self absorption.  It is wonderful to be able to reframe your childhood experiece in this way.

I hope you come back to the board and share your experience.

Sea storm

[gratitude28]

((((((((Kate)))))))))

Welcome,
It's hard to absorb all this at first. And there's a kid in you that needs some love and attention to grow as she wasn't allowed to grow...

Looing forward to hearing more about you.
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Hi Nursie,
Thank you for this, it is so beautifully described. Affirming and comforting to recognize:

I didn't really even recognise what I was feeling as shame, just a giddy, creepy unstable unpleasantness inside me all the time.

 

It is amazing to me how hard people work on this board to find words and phrases for the subtleties of our emotions. I think this is an incredibly important and healing thing to do. Thanks for your contribution to the river of it.

Hops

[gratitude28]

Nursie!!! That describes me so much too!I had to try to see what was going to happen... I was always afraid. I too never realized how shameful of myself I was. I just thought I was "the bad one."
(((((((((((((((nursie))))))))))))))))
((((((kate)))))))))))

[quietkate]

Yes, gratitude, I understand.

My mother and I were the only two people in the family who did not get along.  It troubled my brother to the point that after high school he went to college for four years studying psychology in an effort to understand our relationship.

The tragic thing is that he will never "get it."

Mother tried three times to have a son, and she worshipped/worships him.  He did not have the relationship with our mother that I had.

At 50 years of age he is still single and childless, and I believe with all my heart it is because he will never find a woman who worships him the way our mother does.

If it works for them, fine.

I am so glad to have found all of you and had my gut feelings on my experience validated.

[gratitude28]

(((Kate))))))))

Looking forward to hearing more of your story.

How are you?