Pt 5: Conflicts
Conflicts and miscommunications occur. They are part of life. Not everyone thinks, acts or responds in the same way and members come under stress at different times which causes differences in tolerance and patience. Not everyone has the same level of commitment, honesty, or even integrity. It is important to define a process that resolves problems and encourages members to talk about the issues under conflict in a controlled and reasonable way, even if those issues are intensely personal. Many people are conditioned to avoid conflict at any cost, that conflict is bad, a failure. Overcoming this tendency to avoid conflict is hard and conflict resolution training is a good first step. Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any human relationship. One of the most important elements of all the successful intentional communities is a clearly defined process for dealing with group and personal conflicts. Sometimes conflicts can't be resolved and must simply be respectfully accepted as differences. Vegetarian versus meat eater can be such a conflict within a community.
If you ignore conflicts between individuals, it is common to find these conflicts coming into meetings as hidden agendas. In some communities interpersonal conflicts are expected to be resolved by the individuals, not the group. Some communities have the whole group take responsibility for conflict resolution between members. Figure out a strategy for who is responsible for interpersonal conflict resolution and set some community ground rules. Interpersonal conflicts often start out as poor communication. The more frank and open you are while communicating, the less conflict and less severe conflict will exist.
Sometimes meetings become really intense, and negotiations and discussions become counterproductive. The whole meeting environment becomes too emotionally charged to reach a solution. Conflicts can be emotionally draining, and meetings dealing with conflict can leave you feeling wrung out and exhausted. Group conflict resolution is a very demanding process and sometimes you are not up to it. Under these conditions is it often best for the facilitator to break the meeting or adjourn to another time with perhaps a homework assignment for each individual to brainstorm all the pros and cons of the issue to bring back to the next meeting.
Common conflict issues
Kids and dogs are two of the most conflict rife issues any community deals with. Another big issue is personal behaviors which have a negative impact on others, such as an individual who frequently uses a loud and angry voice which intimidates other members. Other issues often causing conflict include gun ownership, private use of common areas, clothing optional facilities, hidden sexual agendas, bad cooks, parking - specifically drive up parking, house location selection, how to add common amenities that not everyone will use. Personality styles often lead to clashes, especially between task oriented and process oriented styles.
Pt. 6: resolving issues
