Not doing too well

[seastorm]

Being the victim is a crummy role. Who would consciously choose that? So it goes on unconsciously. I think it makes a lot of sense if I see it as acting out childhood situations and trying to make sense of them.
Finally, this last time I begin to understand why I choose narcissists. I try to make everything go along like it is set to music but it is a nightmare. Trying to magically transform the N with good works and trying hard. But it just gets worse until one would like to jump out a window. It is flipping from being the lowest form of desperate victim to overcontrolling miracle worker.
I am not ready to give myself a kick in the bum though for being a victim. As in you act like a victim so smarten up. But I see that it leaves me in a bad spot and looking like a vicitm and feeling like a victim. That word is pretty charged for me. I don't want to be a vicitm.

Sea storm

[spyralle]

(((((((((Sea)))))))))))) not sure it's that simple.  I don't want to be a victim either but I keep on finding myself in that role.  I believe that this is because it is a familiar role to me..  It may feel horrible and desperate when I am in it, but that in itself is familiar..  It is the unconscious that drives us there and propells our conscious choices.. and I think that that is where axa is coming from... 

It has taken me nearly two years to stop loving the man who stole from me, cheated on me and lied to me...  I was prepared to find a way round it somehow...  to believe that he hadn't meant to take all my money that somewhere deep inside he loved me..  Same as I was when I was a child and still feel that way about my mother..  How could she hate me really after all..  It must be me..  back in the victim role..  never sure how I ended up there..  If I had a pound for everyday I had said I will not be a victim..  I will not!!!! yet still that role drags me back..

The more I uncover though the easier it is the more I try to understand my unconscious drives and accept them, the more power I allow myself..  and somewhere inside I am beginning to feel the smallest feeling of peace..

Keep going seastorm.  You are thinking and listening and hurting and desperately trying to understand and that is what makes us different and that is what will help you through this pain..

We are all watching your back

Spyralle xxx

[debkor]

Sea,

. I think we play victim, hero and villain role. Well I did.

As the victim we feel we were wronged and innocent to the attacks, powerless to them. We either fight, flee or wait for it to change or someone to rescue us. We bitch and complain, blame the person who is the villain and is responsible for us being the victim.
How could you do this to me.  Why don't you just leave me alone. Can't you just stop then all would be good.

Then we become the hero.  We are going to protect ourselves.  Defend our interest.  We take a stand although we are afraid. We do what we have to. We are going to save ourselves at all cost. No matter what it takes.

Then we feel like the villain when we take control.   Go to hell. I don't care what you think. Throw them out, take them to court.  We begin to think we are being selfish and mean.  How dare us to take control without concern on the impact of others. We manipulate ourselves into becoming the victim again.

It's the drama triangle.

Now this is usually done with another person where you can meet in the middle.  Work with the other person to solve the problem. Now us being with N's know that is about as much as hell freezing over.  I feel that the other person(N) was not really a person just a shell of one, nothing inside to work with. Never going to see or hear what you have to say. Not interested in solving anything because to them there is nothing wrong with them just you.

They did what they wanted.  Slept like babies. Traveled did whatever they do without a conflict. 
I had kept playing all those roles within myself.  This was the beginning of solving my own conflict/drama.  I had to listen to myself look at the problem not my person then I could start to resolve them without judging myself. Stop playing all roles. It's not easy to do so don't be so hard on yourself. Sea even after my exN and getting rid of him I chose to become friends with an N.

I had seen that this triangle had started again when I became friends with my N friend and stepped outside it and looked listenend to myself and seen I was playing all those roles again. I resolved that by saying No, adios and stopped being friends. I ended the drama.


Love
Deb

[Hopalong]

I had to listen to myself look at the problem not my person then I could start to resolve them without judging myself

thanks for this Deb. Very very helpful.

Hops