What helps--letting go

[insomniac]

I can see the usefulness of going over things in order to understand them, but eventually, this does more harm than good.  Once you do understand, it's time to move on.  Continually looking back keeps you from going forward and feeling better.  I used to go over and over the crap that my ex did to me and I would read and read all kinds of things about Narcissists and PA's.  It made me feel absolutely terrible to focus on all that crap so much.  Really--I never started feeling better about my own situation until I was finally able to stop going back over all the terrible things that happened and move forward.  When you keep going back there, what you're doing is repeating the pain that was inflicted upon you in the first place.  Instead of having to endure it once, you have to endure it over and over again.

[Gaining Strength]

insomniac - beautifully written - succinct and poignant - thank you - Gaining Strength

[Gaining Strength]

I have been struggling with my relationship with my mother, not able to feel love towards her, being reactive and sucked in.  I have been sliding down a line with my son as well. I have been fighting an infection and asthma that could be controled by my diet. But I have been laspsing and falling ill over and overr again. And while not caught up in the fray here I have reacted with sadness and impotence. 

Last night I watched "The Dog Whisperer" and this morning when I was working on meditating, struggling (of course that's something of an oxymoron) I found myself searching for a frequncy or energy level or a "center".  And suddenly when I found that center so much of what I have been struggling with became clear.

I have allowed outside forces to knock me off center.  Only I can bring myself back or maintain that center.  O I blame the N traited mother or the juvenile 6 year old, but I have the power to stay on center or return to center.  And then I remembered Cesar working with aggressive dogs, saying - "you must keep your energy level calm and centered. Don't let the dog control - you control." And then it coalesced perfectly for me.  In an instant I realized that I must keep my balance even when others actions tend to knock me off.  If I put the blame on them then I have lost my power center which allows me to "right"  myself.  Staying centered.

I post this here to help me keep my focus on staying centered. - thanks - GS

[CB123]

Oh, yes.  GS, I think you have it exactly right.

Because we have been voiceless for so long, we have come to regard speaking our mind as the final restoration of our power.  But whether we are voiceless, with our resentments whirling unspoken inside our heads, or whether we are able to speak out with abandon--if we are controlled by outside forces, we remain powerless. 

.

Thanks for your post, GS.  It's encouraging to have you as a companion on the journey.

CB

[insomniac]

insomniac - beautifully written - succinct and poignant - thank you - Gaining Strength

Thank you, Gaining Strength.  I was very heartened to see your thread about talking positive.

I think we all need to work on staying centered--that's a good way to put it.  I hope you're feeling better.

Liz

[Hopalong]

GC, CB, Insomniac,

Wise, wise, and wise.

Thank you all 3!

Hops

[Lupita]

Good night, just wanted to go to bed with something positive. This is a verynice and positive post.
Thank you Insomniac.   

[Lupita]

One of the most important things to heal is to forget. With out that there is no healing. We all might consider the posibility to move forward in all sens of our lives and stop going over and over on the past. I am trying to forget everythinf negative. Moving forward. This is a very good post. Bravo for Insomniac. If I coudl I would push a button and erase all my bad experiences. I could make a post about my poor mother every single day. But my mom did what she could. I love her. God is helping me love her. Because she gave me birth and fed me and clothed me. I will say the positive things about my mom everyday.
Thank you Insomniac.