Hi Pandora,
Congratulations on your decision !!! It will be hard for a while, but really and truly it will get better. Always remember to believe that when it seems difficult and you are second-guessing your decision. I have been gone for just over a year and there are still cobwebs in my brain sometimes. But most of the time I am feeling better and better and BETTER !!
I must admit though that I was sitting here slack-jawed reading your post. When I finally decided to leave my NH it was in very similar circumstances. He was going away for three weeks, and like you, I felt immediate relief after leaving him at the airport. The very next day I danced around the house for seven hours, singing Pete Seeger's song, "Oh, Freedom!" I then called my family and friends and announced that I WAS, in fact, leaving.
In the meantime, I photocopied or printed out all of our joint financial documents, so he could not hide the money later. I searched all of the folders in the file cabinets and every file folder in the computer. And like you, I could not believe what I found !!
He had been "carrying on" with innumerable women on the internet since before we were married straight through to the present. Emailing them photos of his genitals, spending heaven knows how many hours on porn sites and I could go on but you get the picture. Oh, and this is a man who was in graduate school getting his Masters of Divinity, as in he is studying to be a minister. Mr. Holier-than thou and his secret lives !!
As I could not afford to move out just then, I moved into the guest room and put a lock on the inside. I spent the rest of his "vacation" like you visiting friends for emotional support. And when he returned.....I was ready.
When he returned, I allowed him an hour or so to tell me of his trip and then I told him calmly (but my knees were shaking!!) that I had moved out of our bedroom and that I had decided to end the marriage and that I would move out as soon as I had found an apartment.
Within two months, two fairly miserable months of him whining and moaning and groaning, I did move out. And as for all his protestations of undying love and begging me to stay......it was all smoke and mirrors. He left his email open one day shortly before I moved and I discovered that within two weeks of my telling him that I was leaving, he was already carrying on with two other women and lining up two more.
His rather graphic writing style left no doubt. Oral sex in his car in diner parking lots with one (she was married too.) The other one had her own house, so they would meet there. I printed out all of it and it came in handy when he didn't want to sign the paperwork.
So, I hope that I have at least amused you a little bit. Whenever I write or tell about "my story," I think that it is so far-fetched that no one would believe it. Reading this board, I have learned that when it comes to Ns, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible.
So, congratulations again and again and if you falter for the least moment, come to the board for support. You are courageous and you are healthy for believing in yourself again. I send you a very large hug and gallons of forititude !!!
Oh yes, and please beware of my exNH, he will be ordained within the year!! Scary isn't it?
