Dilemma...feeling invisible to a person...how do you handle this?

[reallyME]

I just have a question.  If you have a falling out with someone, have apologized and yet the person talks to everyone except you, that leaves a feeling of being INVISIBLE due to shunning and ignoring.

I am feeling this way at the moment, due to someone I was hoping was ok with me, totally ignoring me, greeting others and virtually ERASING ME from her convos on this board. 

Over all I feel it's her right to do it...as a human, I feel that it's no different than how N's have treated me in the past.

~Laura

[gratitude28]

If the person is ignoring you in an obvious way, to snub you, then that is simply being childish.
If she simply does not wish to continue with an acquaintanceship, then that should be respected.

My two cents.
Love, Beth

[teartracks]

Hi RM,

If she simply does not wish to continue with an acquaintanceship, then that should be respected.

I agree  that you should honor the other person's choice to interact or not with you.  Another couple of cents to go with Beth's.

tt

[isittoolate]

Hi rM

It is her right. You're right! Her rights are to be respected.

Perhaps the falling out was not completely settled? Sometimes "I'm sorry" isn't enough and it takes more time! Sometimes it takes the apology followed by an action that settles it.

I can tell you that about a gal from my work: in emails, she changed something that went against the prescribed pattern. I asked her to stick to what we decided at the meeting, Please. She still didn't. I had to bend.

I was "ticked off', went into the office the next day and she was there. She said "Hi" and a few other things--and was being interviewed in the office. She introduced me to this Editor and said we were friends "had our wee scraps but were always friends again the next day.----- a ray of sunshine to me to hear that!

Good Luck
Izzy

[reallyME]

Thank you all for your responses.  I will agree to the immaturity idea, as I've seen that with most people who use immature defense mechanisms, withdrawing and shunning is one of them commonly used..."the silent treatment."

[Leah]

My dear Laura, ask yourself "what would Jesus do?" --- I do feel it really does help, and, reading couple of verses in the book of Proverbs.  And I would like to "thank you" for posting your wonderful 'blessing' website link .... it truly has been a blessing to me.

You are in my thoughts.

In love,

Leah xx


I feel saddened by any form of division and strife, among all people, preferring to look to unity (though sadly, may not be realistically possible with some or all of our N's etc.)

[Hopalong]

Hi Leah,
Laura chose not to name the third person she was referring to and I think that is a gesture of privacy that should be respected. When another person inserts and names someone, that can have a way of exacerbating any tension that may otherwise be on its way to healing.

Also, I have been wanting to apologize to you for snapping at you on the other thread. I'm sorry.

Best to you,
Hops

[Leah]

Hi Hops,

Thank you for mentioning my error, although my intention was that of peacemaker and well meaning, I do see your wise counsel.  Going to edit my post now.

Your apology is accepted and I graciously thank you.

And I feel led to say "I am sorry" to you too Hops.

Love

Leah x

[Hopalong]

((((Leah))))

Acceptance mutual!

love,
Hops

[WRITE]

I am feeling this way at the moment, due to someone I was hoping was ok with me, totally ignoring me, greeting others and virtually ERASING ME from her convos on this board.  

sometimes people need heaing space Laura and it's not as personal as it seems.

One of the things as a bipolar I have had to come to terms with is I live life at break-neck speed because of the mania, so I want resolution for things yesterday ad have had to learn to live with almost continual feelings of 'lack of resolution' in my own time-frame.

Sometimes I have nothing extra or interesting to add to conversations either or if I do I think the timing isn't right or I can't communicate what I want to say properly...that doesn't mean I don't care about people and try to help when I do have something positive to contribute though.

I think one of the reasons we end up voiceless is because we don't hear our own voice and speak it- even if no one else is paying attention right now! One of the things I have been working on is a strong sense of self so when there doesn't feel like anyone to support me I can support myself better.

I feel saddened by any form of division and strife, among all people, preferring to look to unity (though sadly, may not be realistically possible with some or all of our N's etc.)

sometimes division is healthy- it's people being different and expressing themselves, even if one or both is unreasonable or unwilling; N is just another label really. It's another perspective and one we may not embrace or trust- but seeing things from the other person's point of view whatever that is
gives a big understanding of it's really very often not a personal thing at all.

Love for me is getting to be very open- live and let live, be as kind to myself as to others.

None of us have to be perfect, but I want to be kind!

Starting with son- who has strep throat and is resting.
We're seeing the psychologist tomorrow too after he asked his dad 'do you ever think about killing yourself?'
It's been a long tough week for lots of people it seems, but as Robert Frost said-

the only way round is through...

Take care everyone

Love
~W

[Hopalong]

Oh Write.
I'm so very sorry about the pain in your boy.
My D asked me something similar when her dad and I were divorcing.
It is agony for them and they feel so powerless.

It's wonderful that you're getting him professional help, he is lucky that you know how important it is.

(I remember my angelic six-year-old beating the living TAR out of a blow-up doll in her play therapy, I watched the tape goggle-eyed...and I think that release really helped her!)

love to you and son, dear Write...

Hops