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To Nic and All Children of N Parents

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Nic:
Hello all,
first off Tinkergirl, my story about my parents is in here somewhere.  I posted it a few days ago or maybe last week.  In a "nut" shell :shock: ! don't believe I said that..the story is that my Nparents live next door..they have developed a hatred of my wife "because you haven't been the same person Nic since you married that woman", you know the routine..we bought a property together and now that we are not "nice" to them, they want to force a sale based on that...plus much more..but they have requested a hearing/court case to punish us, simply because they are allowed to.  When you buy a property with someone else you must split it, sell it or buy the other owner(s) out..all must agree on one of the options.  We wanted a split, they want an all out sale because it is the most damaging to us.  I'll keep you up on the story..suffice it to say that I have to somehow explain to the judge that my parents are crazy N control freaks and that this is one out of many episodes of abuse.  I called their bluff as Rosencrantz puts it, and now I'm waiting to see how much farther they are willing to go..I'm ready and so is my wife.  One way or another we must get them the h ll away from us!
Rob and Rosencrantz, you need some words of encouragement. Some fellowshipping a la Nic!  Please be encouraged to know for sure that as victims of these horrible Ns, we ourselves have not turned into unfeeling, horrible beasts ourselves.  Of course we grieve the family that we didn't have and will do so periodically.  Sometimes we'll go for years without doubting our resolve to have them out of our lives for our mental and spiritual well-being, for our marriages, for our children.  It took us a great deal of courage to acknowledge our pain, our systematic and continued abuse during our entire lives up to the point when the light came on, and the angels started waiving the red flags.  We simply noticed, took heed of the warning.  Like pioneers we went out on a limb to check it out..and there it was.  The deep crevasse of having survived this long without a voice.  And now we're talking..we're spreading the news, we've got a voice, some of us louder than others, some softer..and a safe forum to express it and test it out.
But, the dark cloud of our voiceless years makes an appearance every now and then.  We don't hate our parents and they don't hate us, are we agreed on that?  We hate the way they were/are and we are unreachable to them especially now that we have stopped playing the game.
We are building new lives, we are doing major reconstruction and/or renovations here.
Cheer up, look up, speak up my dear friends.  It hurts doesn't it, all of this, leaving what could have been but in truth never was.  When you stop and think about it Rob, we're hanging on to the illusion, why?  Because it feels familiar still, after all the work you've done, all the knowledge you have acquired and plus the wonderful support you have from your wife.  You too Rosencrantz, your hubby totally supports you.  I can understand his getting bored with all this. My wife gets real bored sometimes especially with our two little locusts living next door and their entourage.  She's bored but not with me.  Perhaps your hubby like my wife are just anxious to move on ( with us!!) to something better huh?
I think we have to make a conscious effort to stick to the truth.  Remember we were all taught to deny our feelings, negate our importance and replace it with our parents' .  As long as we worshipped them things were fine, right? remember?
No matter how much it hurts this entire situation has forced us to face ourselves.  This is where we are, right now.  We must concentrate on rebuilding.  Let's not deny these momentary bouts of doubt.
Rob I think the idea of grand parents rights in this case totally revolting.  There might be a battle for you there, however, don't abandon your children to your N parents..supervision only, force fields if you have too.  Use your voice to counter them ( your parents) and I dare say as Rosencrantz suggested call their bluff..I'm betting that once our parents are faced with appearances in court they'll cower away..bullies always cower away!
I'm starting to really love you guys..I'm genuinely concerned about your well-being and I wish you the best.  I'm in the mood for support! I'm returning by this post the love and support you have shown me in posts past!
Nic :wink:

rosencrantz:
Weepy, weepy - thanks Nic!  That was a great thing to say.  

What's on my mind right now is concern at how 'call their bluff' might have been interpreted.  My thesis is that the fear of abandonment will stop them in their tracks.  Anything that gives them 'show time' is likely to get them all excited.  

Have you had legal advice that you need to convince a judge of their abusive goals??  ie do the underlying psychological reasons for their behaviour have any bearing on the case???

I don't know the legal sytem over there but the real challenge tends to be that the legal system is based on rules, not justice or fairness.  And the law usually requires you to be totally matter of fact and aren't much interested in psychological factors - mostly because you can't 'prove' them easily.  

YOU know the underlying reasons but what are the 'facts' here.  Refuste what's not true in the shortest possible way.  Dispassionately, how do each of the options affect you and how do they affect them.  Which one causes the least financial difficulty for both parties?  Which one causes the least upheaval for both parties?  Is there one option which makes (logical) sense for everyone???  How did they manage to get more of the land than you'd intended???  (You knew there could be problems based on previous relationship so you wanted a greater separation but...)   A judge over here would be more likely to be persuaded by facts like that.

If you handle things in a factual way, it shows up their irrationality even more.  Most 'normal' people just get bored quite quickly by people who are pulling their strings - judges included.

Have they really put forward some kind of case based on your 'cruelty' to them - like a divorce??!  I'm astounded.  They want 'daddy' (authority figure) to tell you, you've been a bad boy, Nic!!!  LOL  Sad, really.

Nic:
Oi gewalt! Keine na hora poo poo poo! ( phonetics mine! LoL)
Just for you Rosencrantz, i'm still laughing at your other posts, your humourous ones about N types!
Quickly now, I haven't much time..yes we did get legal advice, and yes here in this part of the commonwealth the law is the law.  I will state my parents' repeated tricks and banishments and financial traps set to both my brother and I throughout the years to support the fact that they are being nuisances at this stage of the game.
They have a right, according to the law to ask for the property which we bought commonly to be sold.  They have sworn an affidavit stating that my wife and I have paid for "nothing" which isn't true, they also say in their affidavit that life there has become intolerable ( again because of us) and that we had promised them "security" in their old age!  I wonder how many other adult children have been accused by their parents of not providing them security.  I will stress in court that I thought I had a relationship with my parents and not a service contract..and the like..pointing out the various N tactics and ploys they have used throughout my experience with them.  Ideally my wife and I would like the property split where they sell the river front (90%) and we just keep access to it and live on our half without them..plus they could keep the house and we would build a little lovenest of our own..
Anyway try being reasonable with an N..my dad ( whose more or less loaded!) cannot accept that I would have a prosperous life or at least one that is as good as his and he wants to bring me down and like you say he wants the authority figure Le Juge to tell me I was naughty since I wont believe him..what a mess, but listen I'm on a mission to get them away from me and my wife.
More later ciao! Nic :wink:

Jake:
Thank you for an excellent message, TG.  My older sister has severed any contact with our N mother, and after a recent 2-day visit with her I came to re-appreciate her decision.   We also had an N father, I believe, who has since passed away.  For a long long long time I have been struggling with gaining a positive sense (or better yet relationship with ) self, and am frequently frustrated by the tiny little steps forward and sometimes bigger steps backward involved in the process.  You sound like someone who has made major strides, and working to get there myself I can only guess at all of the hard work you've done.

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