Author Topic: Feeling Isolated  (Read 2038 times)

WRITE

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Feeling Isolated
« on: March 22, 2007, 11:35:28 AM »
a few things have happened lately which made me feel like reassessing my attitude to having bipolar, the worst was the guy I liek when we went for dinner saying he didn't want us to become a romance and someone calling him drunk making demands at midnight....I just laughed it off at the time and said you should be so lucky or something, but it does hurt even though I can see I don't need to be hanging around with him any more.

it's not just insensistive jerks though it's everywhere, the media, people who have known me for years.
Ironically the only time in my life I was so sick I would call people up and rant at them most people didn't even notice! They would say to me after, oh I thought it was strange you were so wound up etc...

Now my good friend here has been acting strange for weeks.

He decided he wanted all his friends to meet and form a social club, which is nice, but sometimes a friendship is just that for me, somewhere to go and be myself with someone I care about. I cancelled on him last week because I thought we were going out just the two of us and he invited 6 others, 5 of whom I never met before- without telling me.

Anyway last night we went out ( in a group ) and on the way out I asked to talk to him and said I miss never doing anything just the two of us, he looked at me like a rabbit in the headlights and said, so you want me to take you off the email list? I said no, i like your friends what I mean is I want us to go out just us two sometimes. He's backing away at this point, literally walkign backwards away from me! This is a guy we've told all our secrets, had a lovely friendship but not intense- sometimes I haven't seen him for weeks. I tried to explain but it just made it worse and he looked annoyed and said ok, I'll try and left!

I'd say he's just being a jerk too, but I've known him for a year and he's always been really nice before.

I guess he must have some stuff going on I don't know about?

He did hold my hand a few weeks ago when we hadn't seen each other for a while, but I didn't have any romantic feelings or think he did. He's always been quite affectionate before.

I hate asking for anything for myself- every time I do this happens, it's like people only want to see the social me. And I am never telling another soul in real life personal life about my bipolar, I swear. The prejudice and insensitive responses are too much.

It's all very isolating though, it really is.

Ex is barely speakign too.

Church is difficult because of the guy there.

I'm starting to cancel the work places which have been difficult and I can't change.

Maybe I should become a recluse and write poetry.
I have thought about staying home- last chance I can afford to probably, once I get a mortgage I'll be a wage slave again.

***

On a positive note i did schedule an appointment with a doctor local bipolar specialist. $300 though...but my general practitioner is right, it is a big gap in my care plan to have no psych doc ( once I got over him trying to tell me what to do! I'm not really stubborn, just a bit )

***

Ex just called and asked a favour, called me 'darling' different than earlier then.

Hey ho, and I'm the one supposed to have mood swings...

Thanks for listening ( anyone who did! )

~W

WRITE

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2007, 05:00:12 PM »
Thanks CB.

Maybe I can't lean too much right now- maybe this is the final big grown-up taking-care-of-myself-no-matter-what bit of the puzzle....

I won't get a mortgage yet, you're right apartment living is fun, especially since my neighbours got a lot quieter. They did that when I took to practising piano scales and a particularly atonal jazz piece I can't quite get whenever they woke me....

Cried all the time today but feel a lot better.

Keep thinking what a mess I made of things, but know it could be much worse.

There's got to be a lot of poetry in it all...but it's too painful to write yet, I'll stick to comedy for now.

I wrote to my friend explaining I don't want a romance; of course like the guy at church that could backfire if he really does...but unlike with the guy at church I really don't...

Oh no you don't....okay, gettign a bit farce-like, and curtain...

That's what I'll take up next, amateur dramatics! See if I can keep an unaffected face next time ex calls me 'darling'...

isittoolate

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2007, 06:11:27 PM »
Write,

I'm listening.  Wish I had something helpful to offer you.  It would be really nice for you to have people around you that you could lean on.  I wonder if you're friend in the social club was thinking that you were getting romantic on him.  I know you know that you weren't--but maybe he misinterpreted. CB

Quote
Maybe I should become a recluse and write poetry.
WRITE
***



Hi WRITE

I agree with CB here.

In some way can you make him understand that since the two of you have shared personal things, that just sometimes you would like to be alone with him just to bounce things off him?---- that you cannot go around telling everyone etc etc and he is such a good listener that----

Well my belief is that we can only have one best friend in a lifetime, but many acquaintances.

As far as becoming a recluse, I have beat you to it and, I'm just me, I recommend it. I write lyrics and music.(although mine was a conscious decision so I could have peace and quiet to assess my thoughts and actions.)

Hang in there
love
Izzy


Stormchild

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2007, 09:06:18 PM »
((((((((((Write))))))))))

... apartment living is fun, especially since my neighbours got a lot quieter. They did that when I took to practising piano scales and a particularly atonal jazz piece I can't quite get whenever they woke me....

Write, this evokes an absolutely wonderful mental image... I hope it will cheer you a little.

There you are, hands arched above the keyboard, saying in best Dirty Harry style:

"Go ahead, you loud little punks, make my day! I've got BARTÓK and I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE HIM!"

;-)
« Last Edit: March 22, 2007, 11:32:27 PM by Stormchild »
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spyralle

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2007, 05:53:43 AM »
Ha ha ha Stormy you are funny...   I have to say though Write that is a very powerful image and I am thinking of stealing it from you..  I have a neighbour who used to have sex with the plumber every night at tem pm very very loudly...  We even tried applauding after the final encore but nothing helped...  Maybe a burst of Heavy metal during the post coital phase would have done the trick.....

On a serious note though Write I agree.... why tie yourself down with a mortgage when you can be just as happy without.... and as for poetry.. It has worked wonders for me..  When I write something I like a get this real adrenalin buzz... much healthier than the one you get being an N's puppet..  And as for the word Darling.... replace it with mug every time he says it.. One will definaetly cancel out the effects of the other...

(((((((((((((((((((Write)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Spyralle x

spyralle

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2007, 09:31:03 AM »
Cos he came to plumb in the bathroom and never left...!!!!  He did the whole house up in the end...  Still she made it woth his while  Me and my daughter had a front row audio....  Why do I never find men who are any good at DIY!!!!!!

S x

reallyME

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2007, 08:53:53 AM »
WRITE,

This guy sounds like he has some really self-serving issues.  Keep your eyes on any RED FLAGS and maybe the PINK ones too.  Don't want to see you hurt.

~Laura

Hopalong

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Re: Feeling Isolated
« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2007, 10:50:29 AM »
Hi Write, sweetie...
How are you doing?
You didn't mess everything up, hon.
Life just happened. And you ARE a darling.

Give yourself a lot of love, okay?
Here's some from me too.
(((((Write))))

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."