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Revenge on the NPD

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Tokyojim:
Hello,

I have a friend of almost 40 years who has a full-blown clinical NPD.  Fortunately, I do not live in the same state.

I realized this about 10 years ago, but even as a teenager, I knew something was wrong.  This was evident if I spent any amount of extended time with him.  Once, as teenagers, we took a trip to Florida for five days.  By the third day, I actually swung at his chin, with full force (but missed), and I am not prone to aggressive behavior at all.

I have kept in contact over all of these years with an occasional phone call or a meal when I was in town, visiting my brother.

However….  About two years ago, just by coincidence, I was going through a divorce, and his mother died.  We connected.  I was at a vunerable stage in my life, and the NP came out, hungry for narcissistic supply (NS).  It was not too bad because I was living in another state.  After months of incessant phone calls, I was very clear, polite and firm. I told him that I was not going to listen to any more grandiose ideas but only wanted to hear what he had actually DONE.  Second, I said that I did not want to hear about how I should run my life.  He tried to persist, but I clearly stated I would immediately hang up if it continued.  It was not a threat, and he knew it.  Since then, almost two months ago, he has not contacted me.  It was clear: The NS was cut off.

Now, I have three things on my mind:
First, I would like to maintain some contact because there were many good times, and he can be a pleasant connection to my past.
Second, I do have some pity.  I am under no delusions that I can help or save him, nor do I want to.  I do not have dependency issues or need to save people.  I knew his mother with whom he lived until she died.  She came from hell.
Third, I am pissed off and am seeking some small revenge.  I know this may sound unreasonable, but I was sucked in and taken advantage of at a moment of weakness.

So, I have a simple plan.
I know him better than anyone on the planet.  I will provide NS of the highest quality but only occasionally.  I will be like the drug dealer who has the purest form of heroin but comes around only once in awhile. :twisted:

I have sympathy for those who are in very intimate situations with people with NPD.  In my small way, I believe that I can understand some of the pain and anguish.  If I can feel this much anger at someone who is in another state, the horror of living with someone like that, especially if he is a father or spouse, must be a living hell.  Good luck to all!

rosencrantz:
I salute your honesty but - sorry! - don't abuse the abused for fun - even if they are (also) the abuser!

Plus - I agree with Jacmac - you're playing with fire!!

R

Anonymous:
Tokyojim,

I'm a bit puzzled by a few things. Why would you want any relationship with this creep? Why you are so angry with him after you've managed to get rid of him; and why you would be interested in tormenting him?

bunny

Tokyojim:
Thanks for your reply.  I have thought about that myself.  The main reason is that we go back 40 years.  I am thinking that if I keep a careful distance, I may maintain pleasant contact, but I am not sure anymore.

surf14:
HI Kyojim;

  As a good friend of mine says to me when I go thru all the possibilities of how I might handle my Nqueen-mother, try to hang on to some control or get the upper hand:  " Do you really think you can win with her?  She's crazy!!!"  That kind of stuck with me.  Accept your friend as he is or forget him.  Its not worth the energy you'll expend trying to outwit him.  He'll drive ya NUTS  :!:

Surf

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