Am I a bad mother?

[debkor]

Laura,

Ok good point. N’s can’t love.  Do I really think it was fair of me to say to Sandra I believe her mom loves her?  It was not done in contempt. I did not mean to harm Sandra or take her voice. God I hope that’s not what you think Sandra.
Thanks Laura for pointing out that I still struggle with parents being N’s. (bad mommy taboo)  I know there are really horrible moms and ones that don’t love their children.  I have a friend who is horrible to her children and a true N, but I want to say/think  (still)she loves her kids. Yet I know N’s can’t love.  Ugh!
Love
Deb

[reallyME]

oh Deb, I didn't mean that you were causing harm to Sandra.  I was just looking objectively as the whole narcissism thing.  I know you meant well no matter what.  I still struggle trying to come to grips with the truth that X never loved me either, in a true, healthy, adult sense.  problem is...I loved her then and for some reason, I still do.

~Laura

[sandra]

Hi Guys

debkor i never thought for one minute that you were trying to hurt me....I think my mother does love me, but sometimes she tries to smother me and take control of my life.

she has now spoken to me on the phone and i think this is all down to her being jealous that i am spending time with my friend and not her.

she doesn't like it because i can tell J all my worries but also laugh and have fun with her. J never judges me she just offers advice where as my mum tries to take control and tells me what she thinks is best for me.

i know i have to lay down the boundaries...thats the bit i find hard....but i will get there.

thanks guys

((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

love

sandra x x x

[reallyME]

Again I will say, a true narcissist, mother or friend or whomever, does NOT know how to LOVE, period.  Sorry that seems cold or hard to grasp, but it has been scientifically and Biblically proven. 

I realize that for someone to admit to themselves that a person whom they called "Mom" all their lives, NEVER loved them and CANNOT, is a really difficult concept, but, if you still refuse to accept it and want to debate, then tell me how someone who never WAS LOVED, can even KNOW what LOVE is?

~Laura

[CB123]

if you still refuse to accept it and want to debate

Laura,

Who are you addressing this challenge to? 

CB

[reallyME]

if you still refuse to accept it and want to debate

Laura,

Who are you addressing this challenge to? 

CB

It was addressed to Sandra or anyone who chooses to examine what LOVE entails and if they had experienced it from their childhoods.

[debkor]

Hey Sandra,

I think you are right. That little green eyed monster came creeping in when you mom might of felt competition with your friend.
I hope you can reslove this without too much conflict. 
Thinking of you and hope all goes well

Love
Deb

[axa]

Sandra,

You mentioned that you must get "tough" I dont think it is about tough I think it is about getting real.  I had some strange notion that if I was soft and open I would be met with the same.  For soft and open I think I can now replace this with no boundaries.  I saw people with boundaries as being "tough" and I did not want to be tough.  Well, life has taught me my hiding behind what I thought was softness(lack of boundaries) has gotten me nowhere except in the s..t.  I am much clearer now. I have the ability to be soft but not with people who want to abuse me and play games with my heart.  I read how upset you were by your mother's behaviou.  It was NOT ok.  I think if we could all stand back and look at the Ns in our lives we would be shocked at how predictable they are.  I read about other Ns here and its as if someone is writing about my experience with XN.  They lovebomb when they want something, they go straight for the jugler if they think they are loosing control.  I agree with Laura they do not know how to love.

I am very clear that love is not about humiliating, hurting, abusing someone else.  If someone does that to me its very simple they do not love me.  I need to know this more and more as I have been very confused by the word love for most of my life.

axa