Thanks, all ... again. I'm hijacking the thread, but I did want to add a couple things that I only saw clearly this morning;
The first was that it did me no good whatsoever to treat this fellow as though there was no such thing as right and wrong, when he first abused me. All that did was teach him that he could abuse me with impunity. Which is no longer true, obviously. And to me, anyway, what he did was absolutely, unquestionably, totally wrong.
The second thing is that I've been forced to stand my ground on a couple of occasions in, of all places, this forum. Although I didn't like having to do it at all, going through the experience seems to have taught me something about standing up for myself, and the lesson appears to have been solidly incorporated somewhere inside.
Kind of strange, because the occasions here that taught me whatever they taught me weren't times when I 'lost it' and yelled. They were times when I stood my ground and stayed calm and stuck to the facts, or disengaged when I could see some kind of emotional turmoil under the surface issues and could tell that there was no possibility of constructive interaction, because the thing that was really broken was nothing I could fix. So I'm not entirely sure how the lessons learned here led to my being able to 'dress someone down' effectively and credibly in realspace, but I know there is a solid connection.
Weird. I was just sitting here just now, and a line from a song I love came to mind. I'm going to go get all of it and put it here. I think the 'lesson' is summed up by it very clearly!
The Gambler
On a warm summers evenin' on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a-starin' out the window at the darkness
'til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.
He said, "Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces,
And knowin' what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you don't mind my sayin, I can see you're out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey I'll give you some advice."
So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta play it right.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Now ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep.
cause ev'ry hands' a winner and ev'ry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is dyin' in your sleep."
So when he'd finished speakin, he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
~~~~~
That just about sums it up, I think... and I also think I'm going to go work out an accompaniment for this on my gee-tar, and add it to the repertoire. 'Bout time.
