Remembered childhood trauma - what should I do with it?

[Amelia Rose]

On Saturday - I had a memory come back to me of a traumatic experience that happened when I was about 4or 5 years old.  
The memory that came back to mind was about a weekend trip to family 1.5 hours away.    
When the memory came back to me - my first thought "Oh God!  Why am I  thinking about that?"   It was always so painful to think of that moment.  I am 50 years old now.  However, this time - I saw it thru different eyes.  I saw it thru the eyes of an adult - looking at a child.
I thought I was a horrible person.  I now know I was just a little kid who was treated very badly by someone I loved, looked up to and trusted.  
What do we do with memories like this?  I visualized the child I was and I did my best to comfort her and heal her.  But today - I feel extremely sad and depressed.  What do I do with this?  

[/list:u] (Note--this post was edited by R.G. at the request of Amelia Rose)

[October]

What do we do with memories like this?  I visualized the child I was and I did my best to comfort her and heal her.  But today - I feel extremely sad and depressed.  What do I do with this?  

[/list:u]

((((((((((Amelia Rose))))))))))

First of all, I would say that you have done the most important thing, which is to begin to remember, and to believe your memories.  Traumatic experiences in childhood can often be forgotten for many many years until something triggers the memory again, and it all comes flooding back, in every painful detail.  

You are right to focus on the fact that you are not responsible for what happened, and you are not to blame in any way.  As an adult you can now see that the child who wet the bed probably did so because she was afraid, or because of the aggression from her mother, not because she was a bad person.  To me this suggests that there is more to be remembered, more to reprocess, and I would say that you are doing the right thing to try to visualise the child within and give her the comfort she needs.

It might be worth considering what form the memories take.  If they are just memories, like normal memories from last week or last month, then that is one thing.  If they are more intense than that, and involve an aspect of involuntary replaying of the event, where you almost believe yourself to be back in the past, while knowing full well that you are not, then that could indicate the presence of ptsd.  There are lots of places to find information about this, but a good place to start is at Sidran foundation at http://www.sidran.org/

A good place to find other people who have experienced trauma of various kinds, and which is very supportive, is http://www.bein.com/trauma/

Meanwhile, you are doing all the right things.  Keep going, and if you feel you need professional help to support you, speak to your doctor about counselling.

[Nic]

Truly, reading your post brought tears to my eyes.  Thank God you expressed that memory to others.  I think these memories, however painful, are often keys to your recovery.  As long as you are well surrounded ( this board, therapist, God) express them Amelia Rose.
I don't think these memories resurface until we are ready to deal with them which to me is yet another indicator that you have come a long way.
Also, my little inner self I've always suspected of keeping a few traumatic experiences of my own.  I feel a little panicked just thinking that something's buried in there..frightening thought.
Keep on Amelia Rose!
Blessings, Nic