I need help

[debkor]

Dear Sea ,

Here is a letter for you to imagine that I wrote to you ex

Dear N,

I write this letter to you because you see (I know you).  You swoop in on women trying to dazzle by your looks and the long training of acting that you have used throughout your life. Your training for all those years actually made my Friend Sea think you were a feeling human being.  But like all actors they have a low spot/point when there acting just does not carry through for them anymore. None of the stars (Sea) want to be cast in your movie or play a role with you.  Your class A movies have went to B.  You can’t even FAKE IT anymore. How embarrassing is that?  Your image is shattered. I know you hate that but I love to tell you I see your true image. You really are not much of anything.  You really are a weak pathetic being aren’t you?
I say I know you. I do know you.  You are not extraordinary person I wouldn’t even say you are an ordinary person.  You’re just there leaking your poison onto everything.  Leaking in such small amounts over time that people do not even know they have been poisoned till it’s too late. They wake up feeling really sick and confused from all the toxins they have taken in for years.  Sea is draining your poison out now.  It is out of her body for the most part. She is now dealing with the violation you committed against her mind.  You are a criminal in my book N.  You are the pettiest of criminals.  How does that make you feel?  Your image and ego is so HUGE yet you are so petty.  It is so laughable. Here is the big man, important man, who I find LAUGHABLE
I would of loved to be a fly on the wall to see you work it with the new woman/women.  By the way how did your pity party go?  Do the new ones know you are not Class A anymore?  How’s that poison of yours working for you?  Are they toxic yet? How are there bank accounts?  Is there enough for you to take for years to come?  Oh how silly of me asking such questions. I’m sure you have done all your homework first.  You would never make a mistake of finding someone just like you, right? 

My Friend Sea is doing just fine. The poison has affected her heart a little but nothing that can’t be cured.  It’s just going to be a little longer to get it all out.  Sometimes she don’t feel so good but please don’t mistake that is due to you.  You already did your damage.  This damage is (old) just being purged and sometimes it’s pain full. You couldn’t even do that right.  Anything you do (anything) does not last.  You are curable in all aspects.  Like I said you’re laughable.  You’re a joke and an embarrassment to life.  What you didn’t count on was I KNOW YOU! OTHERS KNOW YOU! And my Friend SEA KNOWS YOU NOW TOO!!!  She will heal. She is healing.  She is an incredible strong brave person. So unlike you.
What a damn fool you are! 
The one thing you and others like you HATE!!! Is to hear the words WE KNOW YOU!!  WE REALLY KNOW YOU!!!  When you hear that you run like the little cowards you are.

Power is in numbers!! You recruited so many with your manipulations.  You didn't know that Sea holds the POWER TOO! She recruited US! the people that do know you!!!  Your biggest Fear!!  We will be right there standing supporting Sea even if you can't see us we are in her mind. 
Sea will be just fine and rid of you, your poison, and a life with you.  You will be left as just a passing thought with no power very soon. 

Deb

[dandylife]

Heavy Sigh.

Many of us have been right there where you are. Hold on because this is very close to bottom and then it gets so much better. You're almost past the worst phase. The feeling of still feeling wanted by this person. Wanting to feel important, the center of this person's world. Feeling desired, appreciated, KNOWN. And knowing the other person deeper than anyone else has ever known. We all want those things so bad.

The best part is that you will have that with someone worthy. You will. Time just needs to march on a little bit more and you will be there.

Hugs and love, encouragement, appreciation and validation all belong to you.

Dandylife

[axa]

TT

Thank you for acknowledging my words.  When I read Sea's post it threw me back to the memory of the pain and also allowed me know how far i have come.  I feel so sad that I allowed myself be duped by such an imposter but am mostly feeling grateful that I got myself out of the madness. 

I have been thinking about evil a lot lately and know I met evil in XN.  The best I can come up with is that it is like life - a mystery.  I do not waste my energy thinking about the evil of XN these days and that feels like progress.  All we can do, I believe, is learn to protect ourselves, keep ourselves safe from the evil and trust those gut feelings we were taught to ignore.  For those of us who have left Ns our gut in the end kicked in, like it was in the class for the slow learners......... hoping to move up to the A class myself.  I observe people who trust their instinct and gut completely and they don't end up in N relationships, this is my goal.

THanks for hearing me,

axa

[CB123]

Axa,

It has been a privilege to watch you recover from your XN over the last few months.  I have watched you hit bottom as Seastorm is, and slowly work your way to the surface.  And when I have hit bottom again, I have remembered your recovery and believed in its possibility for me.

Thank you for posting through your journey, even the hard parts,  and encouraging the rest of us.

CB

[Margo]

My ex partner has been in contact and he is getting the rest of his things from the house and yard. He needs to do this in order to get the money from the house settlement. I don't know if he has finished getting his stuff. He does not let me know, although I asked him too.  This sounds so simple. I felt like killing myself but know that I can't because I have a child. I( am horrible pain and keep seeing him with new woman.
He said he is sorry I am having a hard time. Mostly, he talks to me as if I am a complete stranger which is very painful. We were together for eight years.
zo

I am at my sisters otherwise I would go to a hospital. She has helf me in her arms while I cried. I dont want to be such a burden to her. Seh siad she would rather have me at her place than at the hospital.
This is not like a regular separation.  I feel like I have been raped and pillaged.
I told him I could not stand to do anything and to just leave his stuff but the lawyer said this has to end and there has to be closure so that it ends. I have gotten a lawyer, been arrested, found out about the affair, gone to the bank and remortgaged the house within five months. This has happened so fast. I got the lawyer after the first two weeks. I hope to god this is the right thing to do. To have these boundaries. It feels like it is too painful to bear.
Please please  say something to me. I am barely human anymore. I cant expect anyone to be with me because I am in complete dispair.

Sea Storm

(((((Sea Storm))))  Awwwwww.... Sweetie.  You should cry and you should scream and mourn and get it all out.  Being sad is part of getting over something like this.  Don't consider yourself a burden...... it's important that you be able to accept love and help from those who care about you.  You've been a big help to me and...... I'm not afraid to say I need it.  Or accept it. 

Eventually..... as always..... one small good feeling  leads to another.  You'll probably have to force yourself to take that first step, whatever it is.  Planting something. Flossing twice daily. Helping out at a Charity you admire.  Starting anew excercise program.  Eating healthier.  Buying truly fabulous candles and enjoying spa night in the tub once a week.  Joining a book club full of people you think you might grow to admire and enjoy spending time with.  It takes energy you don't have, I know but.... eventually you will have mourned enough and it'll be time to open a door and walk through it.  That door will lead to others and still more.  Eventually.... when you aren't even paying attention.... you'll realize that you're happy to be alive again.  Able to feel the sun and breeze on a lovely summer day.  It's coming. 

Everyone goes through the void you're in right now.  There's an end and just know..... repeat this to yourself..... "it's ok.... it's ok."  I promise.... it really will be ok.  Margo

[axa]

CB

Still have some wobbly days, especially when I think of how I was used but thankfully can see the reality of XN.  Still dealing with the anger but on a most positive note did a great run tonight and feel on top of the world.  So grateful my life is now slime free.

Whipeeeeeeeeeeee

axa

[Overcomer]

Love the analogy of slime.  I think of it as this goo or film all over my body that as hard as I try I cannot wash it off.

[Margo]

This is not like a regular separation.  I feel like I have been raped and pillaged.
I told him I could not stand to do anything and to just leave his stuff but the lawyer said this has to end and there has to be closure so that it ends. I have gotten a lawyer, been arrested, found out about the affair, gone to the bank and remortgaged the house within five months. This has happened so fast. I got the lawyer after the first two weeks. I hope to god this is the right thing to do. To have these boundaries. It feels like it is too painful to bear.
Please please  say something to me. I am barely human anymore. I cant expect anyone to be with me because I am in complete dispair.

Sea Storm

I also want to say....... don't discount your strength.  You were the only working person in your house, while being driven batty by gaslighting and sabotage.  You are capable of being productive and loving and having a fulfilling life.  He isn't.  Whatever happens with him and his new victim.... you know on some level that you're lucky to be out. 

How extradorniary to see nice person after nice person, on this board, face reality, so impossible that the stories are real!  But they are, of course.  It's simply gut wrenchingly difficult for healing committed spirits to stop trying to heal and cease the commitments they've been honoring...... thought they'd honor forever.  How lucky the N's have been that they were allowed access to these nice hearts, to begin with.  You aren't losing your N.... he was never yours.  You were the important person in that relationship and I dread it for you that he'll probably be back again, at some later date.  N's don't choose people like themselves...... they choose people who have something going for them.  People like you.  Margo