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paranoia

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seeker:
Hello,

I'm sorry to hear that you are jumpy.  It's yucky to feel like you're living under a microscope or being monitored.

Rosenscrantz said:

--- Quote ---individuals are allowed privacy within a marriage
--- End quote ---


This was exactly my thought as I was reading your post.  I keep a dream journal, a regular journal, and go to places on the Internet that I rather my family not know about (no, not the porn stuff!  :oops:  8) )  Anyway, it used to bother my H but I tell him I need the privacy.  I tell him, "you know generally what I'm working on, and I need the privacy."  So he respects that.  Besides, reading and writing are solitary pursuits!

Although I am tired of this word, this does sound like a boundary issue.  

When I think of spouses who cannot stand to be alone and can't understand those who need some private time, I recall reading a story about a woman who sued for divorce.  The judge asked her why she wanted to leave her husband who seemed like a nice guy.  "Because he's boring, your honor."  The judge said they would have to come up with a pretty good standard of what boring meant, and she and her lawyer did:
"Boring" in this case meant "depriving someone of their privacy without providing companionship."

Anyway, the difference between privacy and secretiveness depends on whether you are in the "know" or not!  Good luck, Seeker

write:
Today I have been anxious that I did not delete my serach history or something and he has found out about my involvement on this board, that he has decoded my screenname... or what if he found my journal...
What is going on here???? Have I completely lost my mind????

No. He's just using a very effective tool ( confusion/ embarassment ) to control you.

I was like this for a long time, I have caught my h reading temporary internet files/ emails etc!

He still does sometimes & I always say the same thing now: that's private; these are my boundaries.

Makes little difference to him I suspect ( though he is in therapy now so it might for the future ) but it makes every difference to me because I am placing the weirdness right back with him and don't want a part of it. He owns it in my mind if not in his, and that is very empowering.

Books I don't want him to question me on I place at the back of my closet. At first that was because I didn't want to enrage him, now its more that I don't want to discuss them.

If he is likely to be violent try to secrete them some place else, and maybe even use the computer in the library.

It takes a long time to disentangle from a narcissist but empowering yourself one step at a time is a good way forward if you're not just in a position to leave.

As others have said- taking care of yourself is imperative, living with such stress.

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