Thanks for the invitation to vent away!
I have no idea why this has come back in my head- but here goes. When my mother had her bypass surgery, she had complications and had a big open area in her chest that needed further debridements. She kept at me and at me to look at it.
At the time I was an ER RN, but I could not look at it. I told her that I couldn't but that if someone else down the hall had the same situation, I would be the first to want to see it because it would be so interesting.( I'll spare the descriptive physical details of why it would have been so interesting clinically if it would have been someone else.)
Even after she was discharged home, she kept after me, even after I repeated what I originally told her, plus saying that it would have really bothered me. I asked her something to the effect about doesn't it matter that it would bother me, and she said that I should be able to do it because it's what she wanted.
Yes- this does help. It's like journaling (which I haven't been doing for a while) but with the added benefit of potentially having someone else's comments if they have anything to add.
I think maybe I know why this has come back into my head- it's almost like it's THE metaphor. I remember my stepdad saying once that it's almost like if she could get someone to do something they didnt want to do, and the worse the better, then the happier it makes her.
I limit my contact with her, and it's because I haven't found a way to not feel like a cruel heartless person because setting limits is something that seems to make her so unhappy. I, and a few others have tried to do nice things for her "just because", but then it's like the floodgates are open and all bets are off. Then I, or others reinforce the boundaries again, and then it's how we're all picking on her or just don't understand.
She doesn't have too much longer, but I can't seem to find "a way". Don't think there is one. I tried telling her that I would like to come around more, and I would if things were better. Then the next time, she'll do it again, and say- oh, THAT'S right, I'm not supposed to do that AM I!!
OK- enough whining for today. As I said earlier, I need to shore up my internal boundaries!!
Thanks for listening!
