Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
couldn't do the right thing
rosencrantz:
Yeah - Brilliant! Million million megabucks brilliant! Once you get that 'inner N' thing you're well down the rocky road to recovery. :D
Hugs for the kid in High School in that terrible state of confusion.
My photos are of me aged 7 and aged 8. Aged 7 I was me; aged 8 I had become defined by my mother (and I hated the her/me that I had become). I had to be her/me and she has fought me for the rest of my life to become again the her/me that I left behind.
You'll find lots of what you've talked about in your re-posted post in 'When You and your mother can't be friends' - well worth a read as it sets out the process very clearly. They treat us like their mother and so we become like their mother. I know I spent my teens believing my mother thought I was HER mother ie horrible and mean. But it's really an unconscious process.
When we are 'defined' by others (as children) we lose ourselves in the process. And that makes us vulnerable to be being 'defined' by others, too.
R
Wildflower:
Thanks R! :D :D :D :D :D
I feel a gazillion times better now that I’ve had a chance to talk about this!
I wonder how many others have before/after pictures out there??
It’s just so twisted, all of this role reversal stuff!!! I’ll buy that book now. I’m going to need all the help I can get to hold onto an idea as weirdo as this. :shock: :roll:
Wildflower
clj_writes:
Dear Rosencrantz,
You wrote:
"Yeah, Survivor - but this is where I get REALLY confused - cos if she's projecting onto me, then surely I must also be projecting onto her.
So if I said in return that 'SHE'S the one who is crazy and needs help because she's mentally ill", I'd be saying it about myself."
Projection requires a person to be unconscious of what they are doing. If you are aware of yourself (and you have shown repeatedly here that you are!), chances are good you are *not* projecting.
Wildflower:
Thanks, Jacmac. :D That means a lot to me. I have to admit, I was feeling a bit like hiding yesterday because I was worried that by using the N word on myself, people might be wary of me in the future. That may be, but it’s encouraging to know you and R heard and understand me.
--- Quote ---I missssssss the little girl that I once was sooooo much!!! I'm longing to find her again.
--- End quote ---
Me, too. I keep a picture on my mantle of myself when I was about 4, and every now and then I look at her and wonder how anyone could think a child could be so threatening. And yes, I miss her and try to listen to her all the time. My way of bringing her back into me – the present me. :)
Wildflower
clj_writes:
Dear Wildflower,
I can relate to your story. When I was in high school I was quite sarcastic and cynical (a defense mechanism). Plus I was highly critical of others (and myself, of course) for many, many years. In fact I was engaged at one point to a man who broke up with me because "I wasn't nice enough to other people". It has taken many years of dismantling my own self-judgment to get to the point of deep compassion and understanding for others. I'm still doing more dismantling so as to be easier on myself. It's all a process, right? :)
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