Wow! Laura! That was so validating!
I have been learning and trying to understand Nism for awhile now but having a hard time putting into words exactly what my most recent abuser has said/done etc that makes me think the person is an N. That program caused something in my brain to click and helped me realize that the abuse I suffered was mainly, mostly, often and steadily ......covert abuse. It was like a big secret and very slow brain washing.
Also, I can relate so well to the idea of being captivated by this person, which I must have been because I denied most of the abuse and felt exactly as others have indicated: like I was the inadequate one, the messed up one, the one with the problems, like I would never be good enough. My inadequacies were pointed out regularly and very covertly in that I was often not even aware that it was happening but would feel....unworthy, devalued, crazy, inadequate etc, after communications with this person.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how I was treated like an object and I can see how certain behaviours were exactly as described, perpetrated to keep me firmly bound....to satisfy the person's need for supply and so the person would not have to endure being abandoned. Their behaviour produced the exact opposite of their goal, in the end, Thank God!!
Thanks for posting this one. It was a timely eye-opener for me.
Sela
PS: I could never understand how this person could profess to not believe in God, yet work in a highly religious profession but now I see, when reflecting on so many words and actions, that the person truly believes they are above God and truly God-like. As a matter of fact, the person had fits/rages wildly when they were not obeyed/or worst.....ignored, but only, ofcourse, out of the sight and sound of anyone they held in adulation.
