Caring For One Another...How Well Do We Do On VESMB...Care To Make Comments?

[teartracks]

Hello everyone,

In the week just past,  expressions of feeling neglected have popped up on different threads.  So that is what prompted this thread. 

I'll start with a comment.

On the board, some, but not all the time I have felt:

Cared for
Ignored
Affirmed
Manipulated

Edit:  Now if you wish to cast a vote, you can go to Storm's thread.

tt

[Overcomer]

I agree with all except manipulated-can you give an example?

[Overcomer]

What does vesmb Mean?

[Stormchild]

voicelessness and emotional survival message board...

[Lupita]

I felt cared by several people. I felt consolated by several people. I never felt manipulated. I felt sad that my ideas did not match with the interests of the majority. I saw many threads that were not of my interest with a lot of posts and people's great response. But many things that really excited me did not excite the same way but a few. That is nobody's fault. We cannot blame other people for not having the same interests. I still read almost all the posts and learn a lot here. But I do not feel important here, guess that has to be earned in some way I still don't understand. We are human beings full of problems. We only can do so much. As a teacher, I have had difficulty making feel all my students welcome and important. I can do it with some of them but never all of them. So, I compare this situation and it looks very similar.

[reallyME]

In the months past, I've felt:

Cared for, especially by Hops and others who stood with me and said that I didn't deserve to be mistreated by X

Ignored- it's pretty rare that the posts I think are important and interesting to me, get read and commented on by others.  Lupita noticed this too.


Affirmed- I have felt this many times when i've shared the pain I've gone through.

Manipulated- wayyyyyyyy in the past I experienced this, but that person is doing GREAT now in her personal walk to wholeness.

Attacked- same as manipulated.

[WRITE]

expressions of feeling neglected have popped up on different threads

I must have missed this, hope I am not neglecting anyone!

It's a good lesson that life isn't perfect to feel sometimes the things people mention though. Build up an inner strength and emotional resilience.

Remember REBT/ CBT~

The ABC’s of feelings & behaviours
American psychologist Albert Ellis, the originator of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), was one of the first to systematically show how beliefs determine the way human beings feel and behave. Dr. Ellis developed the 'ABC’ model to demonstrate this.

'A’ refers to whatever started things off: a circumstance, event or experience - or just thinking about something which has happened. This triggers off thoughts ('B’), which in turn create a reaction - feelings and behaviours - ('C’).

To see this in operation, let’s meet Alan. A young man who had always tended to doubt himself, Alan imagined that other people did not like him, and that they were only friendly because they pitied him. One day, a friend passed him in the street without returning his greeting - to which Alan reacted negatively. Here is the event, Alan’s beliefs, and his reaction, put into the ABC format:

A. What started things off:

Friend passed me in the street without speaking to me.

B. Beliefs about A.:

He’s ignoring me. He doesn’t like me.
I could end up without friends for ever.
That would be terrible.
For me to be happy and feel worthwhile, people must like me.
I’m unacceptable as a friend - so I must be worthless as a person.
C. Reaction:

Feelings: worthless, depressed.
Behaviours: avoiding people generally.

Now, someone who thought differently about the same event would react in another way:

A. What started things off:

Friend passed me in the street without speaking to me.

B. Beliefs about A.:

He didn’t ignore me deliberately. He may not have seen me.
He might have something on his mind.
I’d like to help if I can.
C. Reaction:

Feelings: Concerned.
Behaviours: Went to visit friend, to see how he is.

These examples show how different ways of viewing the same event can lead to different reactions. The same principle operates in reverse: when people react alike, it is because they are thinking in similar ways.

from http://www.rational.org.nz/public/intro.htm the best website on this topic, full of great stuff.

Love to EVERYONE, goodnight, sleep well 

~W

[axa]

Cared for - I very much feel this

Ignored - If people do not reply/add comments to my posts I assume they are not relevant to them, which is fine as I do not reply to everyones posts.


Affirmed - Yes, yes, yes, from people replying to my posts or people starting threads which I can associate with

Manipulated - never

So happy to have this home

axa

[Overcomer]

I have to say that mer the most part I love this board!  I also have to explain myself.  I can type FAST-but most of the time I am posting on my phone where I cannot type fast and there are often misspellins.  I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you up when you are falling but often times I cannot.  Phone only gives me 500 Characters too.  So forgive me if I seem short and to the point-I really WANT to ramble!  Maybe it is a blessing to you all!

[Gaining Strength]

Lupita, I really understand what you have said here:

I felt sad that my ideas did not match with the interests of the majority. I saw many threads that were not of my interest with a lot of posts and people's great response. But many things that really excited me did not excite the same way but a few. That is nobody's fault. We cannot blame other people for not having the same interests. I still read almost all the posts and learn a lot here.

WRITE - I fully get the REBT/CBT thing.

When I posted about my loneliness and disappointment at the lack of interest early on on the Alec Baldwin site I fully recognized that I was reacting to my early wounds and that there were other perspectives available.  I do hope and plan to get to that other perspective.  I find that I must plunge the depths of the wound first. 

CB - I really believe that the posts I have read about feeling neglected were an expression of feeling rather than an expectation that others needed to respond.  My loneliness was touched by a low response rate but I didnot feel others had an obligation to respond.  The other posts I interpreted the same way.  I wouldn't want you to feel some obligation by coming here nor would I want that for myself nor anyone else here.  I am thankful that we can have open discussions about our wounds and our limits and our expectations here.  I could not growing up nor do I think at any other time in my life. 

I am thankful that teartracks has started this thread.  It helps for me to express a sense of neglect without putting that burden on anyone here.  I was never allowed to talk about feeling neglected growing up nor in either of my marriages.  Any comment about feeling alone or left out was met by rebuff or rejection.  I see clearly that it came out of a dearth of empathy and true love even though the word love was always thrown in there.

I have found that here I am able to say how lonely I feel and others say they are sorry I feel lonely.  This is the only place I have ever experienced that.  It is an extraordinary experience.  I am touched and moved beyond expression. - GS

[teartracks]

Hi OC,

Overcomer said:  I agree with all except manipulated-can you give an example?

Triangulation:  The failure to resolve a conflict between two persons and the pulling in of a third to take sides. 

That's what I'd be risking if I gave examples.   

tt

[moonlight52]

HI tt,
I feel I have been understood and supported.
All of the situations that have been endured on the board has helped me resolve problems.
The mind resolves problems and this in turn let's one's heart beam.
The support is beautiful to see.

moon

[teartracks]

Moon,

HI tt,
I feel I have been understood and supported.
All of the situations that have been endured on the board has helped me resolve problems.
The mind resolves problems and this in turn let's one's heart beam.
The support is beautiful to see.

moon

I see what you mean.  To me, this board is like a classroom.  No matter what emotions are evoked as I read along and participate, I learn something of value.

tt

 

[moonlight52]

tt,
You have always been so patient with me thru all my ups and downs.
Helping me to find the best part of myself.
I am learning every day to be stronger ....

and not so afraid

so much love to you and then more..
moon

[teartracks]

Hey WRITE,

Friend passed me in the street without speaking to me.

Good information in your post...

Trying to interject a little humor!  Once a friend didn't wave to me across the street.  I guess I didn't overpersonalize it at the time for I asked her about it later.  Come to find out, she was terribly near sighted.

tt