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My story

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el:
write,
Thanks so much for your reply.  

"Look at it this way: ts not them who are wrecking your marriage, but your husband's ineffectual way of dealing with them. "

I know.  I wasn't too clear in my previous post because I had to type fast before the kids needed me but that's the whole reason my marriage is doing so badly.  My H needs to set boundaries with his family and he wasn't.  But, he is starting to now.  I hope that there is hope for us?

"examine why it is so terrifying to you that this toxic person says bad things about you, sounds like you need to build yourself up to a point where others cannot dent you like this. "

Yes, thank you so much for the link.  I really need to get to the point where I do not care.  My MIL has not liked me or has felt threatened by me for so long that now that she likes me it feels like food to a starving person.  I just wanted to fit in, I suppose.  I really wanted a grandmother for my kids but maybe we'd be better off without her.  I'm not sure why I am so dependent on being liked.  I read through the link and there's so much usefull info there (thank you!) that I need to think about.

TokyoJim,  Thanks so much for replying.  Great points.  I really do need to be sure about what needs doing.  I think that you pinpointed what my problem is here.  I am unsure if it's best to keep contact, cut off contact, have limited contact, etc.  I keep vacillating between what's best.  I'm not even sure how to decide at this point as my kids love her (even though she has never been there for them in any way.  It has always been how they are to her, what they are doing for her, etc.  At 6, 4 and 2 they need to go out of their way to please her, wait on her, etc. or she say's they're not being good kids.  Maybe it's better to cut off contact totally?

write:
I hope that there is hope for us?


I'm sure there is.
It's perhaps something he's struggled with all his life.

I really need to get to the point where I do not care.

you seem a good person- you'll probably always 'care'. Just not let toxic people make your choices for you, and if they won't keep to your boundaries, or make things too much trouble, shut them out of your life.

rosencrantz:

--- Quote ---even if it means dragging the child and locking the door. The child will not do it again,
--- End quote ---


I agree with you EXCEPT for this statement.  That's getting too close to abuse.  Do you expect someone to drag you off and lock the door if you don't do what you're told???  Alice Miller's books will enlighten those who do not yet understand.

This Children's Bill of Rights has both amused and helped me as a parent!!  :wink: http://www.rosemond.com/1Bill%20of%20Rightsbody.lasso

but you'll find a balanced alternative view here : http://www.famucon.com/columns.html (scroll down to the end of the page)
eg
--- Quote ---I have a pet peeve with people who equate the responsibility of socializing a human being with housebreaking a dog.
--- End quote ---

R

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