Author Topic: i have Homework--Therapy  (Read 2883 times)

isittoolate

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i have Homework--Therapy
« on: May 02, 2007, 09:14:56 PM »
I must write a letter to my daughter (to not be mailed) about any and every time I was angry with her.

Can you believe this is coming out as FURY against her ex huband the N.???????

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2007, 10:05:23 PM »
well I am on page 7, handwritten, and when I was held 'prisoner' in his cellar, where thre toilet wasn't bolted down, the steps had been jack-hammered out, the sewage hole would back up into my living room, and I had all windows covered, as drug dealers used to live there and 'clients' were still coming to knock on the window.

as well, when I found my way out throught e cement rubble, he then locked the gate.

so you can see he was the N. The anger is at him, and my sympathies are with my daughter---NOW---that I've had an N of my own


debkor

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2007, 10:36:56 PM »
Izzy,

What?  He really held you prisoner? This was done on purpose? Or he just didn't give a shit to make your life easier?

Love
Deb

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2007, 12:00:07 AM »
Prisoner of sorts, because as soon as I managed to scramble thru' and up the cement blocks to sit in dog pis* on the patio and get onto my crutches and down the back sidewalk thru the gate to my car and get out to the bank and pick up some whiskey (not that the bank sold whiskey--I went two places)  he put a lock on the gate.

Then I asked for a key. Then he accused me of letting the dogs out--as I said.

(musical intro----"Who let the Dogs out.----- Repeat 1000 times ----musical outro)



Now I am at when I moved out, 1st grandchild born and SIL needs to borrow $600.00 to add to what he has to to buy a bed for my daughter. They were sleeping on a mattress on the 3rd floor, on the floor, even through her pregnancy and he does this when she just gave birth. I wrote the cheque!

I can see that all my anger is aimed at HIM- (my therapsat is going to see that too)-- and my disappointment is in my daughter and more disappointment in myself----but what do you do when you don't know about N-ism?

It was all control and his feeling of entitlement to my money!

Back to the novella!

Izzy

Oh deb---everything is on purpose. I had no kitchen sink at first but managed with the bathroom next door--then one day I vacuumed my whole place and then I heard the most horrible noise. It was him with a chainsaw and he came down with it running and cut out a hole for the sink--no warning--all my everything was covered with sawdust!

SORRY I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE NOISE!!
Sure1 Sure!
« Last Edit: May 03, 2007, 12:06:32 AM by isittoolate »

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2007, 12:55:25 AM »
page 13 and still going!

In handwriting? This is enlightening

debkor

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2007, 01:54:24 AM »
Izzy,

What a mean miserable man he is.  I feel very sorry for what you and especially your daughter went through.
I'm glad you are both away from him. 

I sure didn't know what an N was till I was told about it and after I married it.


Love
Deb


isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2007, 02:56:33 AM »
Thanks deb

19 pages of what I had to say, for the therapist to read, and I realize I am  more angry with him than at my daughter.

She went through Hell, as did I with him, and I expect it was pride that she did anything she did against me, as right at the beginning I asked her to Please not marry him.

Now it is  24 years later and we are still not communicating!

I have no idea what we would have to say to one another.

Back then she was 19

Now she is 43, a middle-aged woman. I cannot picture her as that, I see her as a 19 yr old ---in my mind!

Sad

xx
Izzy

axa

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2007, 05:18:46 AM »
Oh my God Izzy,

And you wonder why you shut down emotionally.......... what else could you do.  Boy but you are a survivor.  The abuse you and your daughter have suffered is beyond human.  I am so sorry for all the pain you have suffered.  How did you stay sane?  Keep writing Izzy.  What a spirit you have to come through that madness and still have humour and a generous nature.

A million hugs Izzy,

axa

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2007, 05:39:06 AM »
Thanks axa

I never saw myself that way--just trying to survive, but NOT knowing about NPD and my daughter trying to hang onto some shred of her pride.

I didn't stay sane!!! LOL I am nuts!!!! Well all of it seems unreal for life!

Now when my therapist reads what I have written she will see what the rest of you are seeing, and what I am reminded of what happened--------that it is HIM who is due the anger, and HE has my baby grandchild--20 yrs old who is showing N traits--no evil yet!--but I could kill ex SIL for all this mess

axa

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2007, 06:00:37 AM »
Izzy,

Keep working on getting the anger out.  I know that the rage I have felt for Ns in the past is weakening because I have felt it, expressed it and hopefully gotten rid of it.  What i was left with was the shame of having been there but now I am working on that also.

He tried to kill you, kill the wonderful spirit in you and he LOST.  I think you are so brave to tackle all this and name it.  I see your spirit, humour, kindness IZZY want to acknowledge that LOUD AND CLEAR

axa

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2007, 03:54:19 PM »
CB

I just made a post on the "Cognitive" thread about my NOW confusion!

xx
Izzy

Gaining Strength

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2007, 04:39:25 PM »
Just have a brief moment but I really want to send encouragement your way.  I am so amazed at the progress you are making in therapy.  Look at how much anger you have.  That counts as an emotion Izzy.  You thought you didn't have them but your finding that they have been hiding behind that anger that had no place to go. 

Now I ask YOU, "Do you think it's too late?"  I have my own ideas about your answer but I really am interested in how you are answering that question today. - your friend - Gaining Strength

isittoolate

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2007, 07:16:25 PM »
Thanks GS,
I still cannot answer that question--it is about connecting with self and It seemd like one heck of a long reach.

I wrote 19 pages then re-read today. I switcherd in the middle and realized I was writing to my therapist, no my daughter. There was too much extraneous info for a letter to daughter---it was so therapist could understand. She can ask me if she needs to.

It was a good exercise because I am not angry, per se, at my daughter. I am furious at her ex-husband, the N.

I still have to wonder who abandoned whom in 1991.

love
Izzy

Margo

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2007, 07:36:37 AM »
page 13 and still going!

In handwriting? This is enlightening



I'm perched on the edge of my seat and so invigorated for you!  I think writing and writing is very good therapy!  ::Goosbumbs for ya::

Margo

Margo

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Re: i have Homework--Therapy
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2007, 11:43:26 AM »
Thanks axa

I never saw myself that way--just trying to survive, but NOT knowing about NPD and my daughter trying to hang onto some shred of her pride.

I didn't stay sane!!! LOL I am nuts!!!! Well all of it seems unreal for life!

Now when my therapist reads what I have written she will see what the rest of you are seeing, and what I am reminded of what happened--------that it is HIM who is due the anger, and HE has my baby grandchild--20 yrs old who is showing N traits--no evil yet!--but I could kill ex SIL for all this mess


New prayer for me..... it came to mind as I read your post, Izzy.  "May it be my will that my mercy overcome my anger." 

Margo