"surrogate". parents

[debkor]

Poet,


I had a friend in my younger years that was no different then I or my sister in our family.  I don't know what her parents really were Ns or not.  Her dad was a concentration camp survivor who appeared very angry all the time.  I/We were scared to death of him. He never spoke of it and always wore long sleeve shirts.  Her mom kept to her husband only.
We never really knew her parents.  No one did.  When we reached high school and on graduation day both our families were there.  The amazing thing was that is the first time her mom and dad met mine.  They hit it off.  We went to lunch together and had a great time. 
I remember me and my friend feeling almost *hysterical happiness* when my family and her family went to lunch.  She saw a different side of them that she has never seen before. They let their guard down and enjoyed themselves.
We realized that they never enjoyed themselves before.  They wouldn't allow it. Everything was about work and pride and money.
I think this is the first time bells went off in our heads!  My friend and I knew there was some short sticks on the compassion side but finally knew why. 

All the kids in the family had some kind of emotional problem, due to this, but every last one of them reached out to other friends families for the compassion and empathy.
Oh I miss my friends from my younger years.  When these threads come up it brings back floods of memories.  How we bonded and shared.  My friends were also my family. I learned from their family as much as they learned from mine.
Love
Deb

[towrite]

Poetprose - I know whereof you speak  I had a grandfather who was my lifeline. I know if it hadn't been for him, I'd have ended up on a back ward somewhere. Weekends were awful; weekdays not much better. So I frequently stayed with him for as long as I could. My N dad would get furious after 2-3 days come get me in a rage. Gr'father and gr'mother tried to start proceedings to adopt me, but they could not find an attorney in the entire city who would go up against my dad, who was also an attorney.

A poignant story: when I was three, I had my tonsils out the first time. It was a green day. From that day on, I assigned a color to each day of the week: Monday was white, Tues. was yellow, W ... , Thurs. was red, Fri. was brown ... and, tellingly, Sat. was gray and Sunday black.

My f.... fingers are too fat for these laPTOP KEYS....

That god for surrogates!!!

towrite

[Portia]

Saw a story about a surrogate parent - reminded me of this thread - get ready to say "ahhh":
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hampshire/6631605.stm
 

[poetprose]

your correct  "awh....." how nice

My cat Tigger had to share this home with another female cat which my son brought home one day. He found her in a dumpster,
she was pregnent, after she had her kittens , our female cat Tigger decided to let the kittens suck on her for milk, (even though she did not have any), and she continued to clean them , and love them as her own.... so both female cats shared the kittens without any problems.......... that is unusal according to our vet....

I love animals and I think we as a human race can learn from them :-0

thx for the post it was nice to read

[Hopalong]

Hi CB,
I had wonderful luck in a pair of older neighbors. We lived next door for just a year, but they opened their hearts and we became close friends. They were more aunt and uncle to her...not quite as close as family, but affection and trust were obvious. We see each other at least yearly and when they are near her town, they've stopped to see her. The other resources were parents of her friends. Although she was isolated in elementary school and middle school, by high school she'd made friends with a great group of kids, and one set of parents became my friends too. So we would go rent a beach house together, etc. The other resource was church and its youth group, which was her main social life in middle school and high school...she loved going to the conferences, and as it was a diverse, liberal organization, she finally felt at home. I was startled by how much she loved the youth group, but she said they "got" her. It was such a non-pecking-order, non-materialistic kind of group, that she loved it.

I don't know if there's a UU church near you or if you'd be curious, but you could check it out, or any diverse, open-minded congregation. I think of Unity, Society of Friends, too. All of those have reputations for loving inclusiveness and a positive humanistic approach to faith. Their kids' programs, and the way the whole community often gathers intergenerationally, can be a huge support to a single parent.

love
Hops