What's with wanting to hork at a sales-lady?

[Sela]

Hi all:

I'm having a time with myself today, one minute wanting to beat myself up and the next thinking I did ok, considering.  Here's what happened:

I was working away on a particularly challenging account when a woman opens my office door, sticks her head into my office and asks:  "No guard dog?" (sometimes I have my big doggie with me so I keep a sign on the door, which she must have read:  "Warning:  Guard dog on duty").

"Not today" I answer cheerily.  She steps in, plunks her binder and stuff ontop of my paperwork on my desk and says:  "I need to speak with whoever looks after the hydro account". 

I respond:  "Regarding?"

She repeats:  "I need to speak with the person who takes care of the hydro bill."

I say:  "We're not interested in buying hydro from any other company but thankyou...."

She pipes up:  "I'm not selling anything so how do you know you're not interested?"

I say:  "Sum it up in one sentence please because I really don't think I'm interested and I don't want to waste your...."

She yoddles:  "Let's put it this way, with our company, you're fully protected".

Now I know I'm not interested and I say:  "I'm sorry but we're not interested."

She crows:  "Well you should be interested.  Why wouldn't you be interested?"

Me, starting to feel irritated:  "Look, I'm sorry.  We're not interested."

She almost sings:  "You have to be interested.  Why aren't you interested?"

I frown.  I show her by looking directly into her eyes with what I think is firmness and state:  "Look.  I'm very busy and I'm not interested.  Please leave."

She yells!  "I don't understand why you aren't interested.  Blah blah blah...."

"Because I'm not interested.", I say.

"Well, you should be interested." she's still speaking quite loudly and I say:

"Well, I'm not".

"Why are you not interested?" she's still asking when finally.....

"GEt out of my office!!", I roar, and for some Godawful reason I throw in, "And have a nice day!".



She finally picks up her stuff and walks out but does not leave the building.   I see her head over to where my husband is busy working on a machine but I can't see her because she steps behind the machine, up close to where he is jammed inside it.  He says she said:  "I need to speak to the owner and that woman in that office should be fired.  Who is she??"

My husband is the owner but he says:  "The owner's not here right now" (which is his typical response to any sales person who manages to get past me).   Another person, a friend, is also standing beside the machine near my husband, smirking, I'm sure, and he looks at the sales-lady and shrugs.  She keeps yapping and then steps outside, meets a customer coming in and says to him:  "I need to speak to the owner", and the customer, not understanding the situation says:  "OH, he should be right there in that machine".
So she comes back in and starts yapping about the hydro thing and blah blah blah.......

I'm fully focussed on the account I'm working on for quite a few minutes when suddenly, I hear the woman's high pitched voice, still out there, still blabbing......I think to myself:   "She interupted me and now she's interupted him long enough!!"...........so...............

I get up.  I go out there and I confront her.  I say:  "I've already told you that we are not interested and I've already asked you to leave.  It's time to go.  Go away!"  in a calm but firm voice.  She replies:

"I'll leave when I'm ready!!"

I walk over to the machine where my H is working inside and I say:  "What do you think of that?" and he, having not heard what she just said, and looking tired of the whole business says:  "I already told her we're not interested".

I look back at her and say:  "Go away.  Leave.  Time to go."

And she says:  "You have to be the rudest person I have ever met!"

And  I want to spit at her.  I want to rip her hair out.  I want to crush her ugly fat lips through her stupid fat teeth and I want to punch her so badly, more than I have ever felt toward another human being in my life!!  For some ridiculous reason......I feel enraged and want to physically attack this horrible freaking person!!  But instead, I say:

"I must be." and I walk back to my office, go inside and close the door.

My husband says he said to her a number of times after that:  "It's about time you left" but she just wasn't going until she was ready.



What do ya'll think?  I'm going through the stupidest feelings of shame!!  How stupid of me!  I should have just stayed in my office and kept my mouth shut.  I feel like I made a fool of myself infront of the customer and my H's friend by letting this weirdo get my goat!  I felt powerless, to boot.  These people know that by the time you call the police, they are long gone.

No wonder I bring my big dog with me half the time.  I have never had to ask more than once, when my dog is there.  I just say:  "You have two seconds before I release my dog" and they go!!  Ofcourse, that's probably not good behaviour either. 

Any why........have I let a pushy, arrogant, ugly sales-woman upset me to the point of feeling so angry?  What's with that?    I am just getting over the flu, so I tell myself that I'm not my usual self, which I'm not but still.  People like her are few and far between, thank God!!  Or I might attack somebody!!!
Jeepers.  That's not me at all.


Does anyone else have a way of dealing with these types that I could learn from?  I dread being there alone, when someone like her shows up.  My dog has been the best deterrant so far but honestly.....I think I might have had a time controlling my dog with this one!!  She was like a disease!!   Like something that gets up your nose and makes you gag!  She was just plain aggrivating!! 

Or.....I let her be.   Why?

Well thanks for reading.  This is silly.  With all the much bigger problems in the world (and those of others here) and all the rest of the stuff to worry about.....it's just plain dumb to let such a person pee in my cornflakes, I guess!!   At least I didn't give into the temptation to rearrange her face.  Boy!!  I've never felt like that before!!  That worries me too.  What's wrong with me, all of a sudden?  Why would I even react like that?  Where did my brain go?  I keep thinking maybe she reminds me of someone from my past but she doesn't.  She just reminds me of how lucky I am to not have to deal with people like her too often.  But me getting all riled up and ready to spit??  Not good.  Not good at all.    I don't like myself right now.

Sela

[debkor]

Sela,

I would of felt the same way as you did. I would of wanted to rip her face off and push her through the front door.

She sounded a little off the wall though.  That was going to extremes of being pushy!

Love
Deb

[isittoolate]

If you look after the hydro bill/company, as she doesn't know, then I would have answered, "I do, and we are not interested, etc." After her next reiteration----

that conversation could have been cut by ½ or more if you had come out from behind your desk and directed her out your door!

Izzy

[Sela]

Dear CB:

Thankyou so much for getting back to me so quickly.  I was so upset last evening, I just came here, vented/posted and logged off.  Thankyou for being so ready to talk with people when they need it and sorry I didn't stick around and see your post.

And you're right, ofcourse.  Yes, the woman was asked a number of times to leave and we had every right to call the police.  I think that's one of the reasons I was so upset with myself.  Because I reacted emotionally instead of by staying calm and cool and using common sense.  I felt like I'd been N'd, in a big way, and not proud of it!!


OH Thankyou so much Deb for validating my feelings.  I really, really  needed that and wish I had looked in here to read before now.  I really was feeling like I had been dealing with a crazy person whom I had reacted to in a crazy way!   Has that ever happened to anyone else?    I just wasn't happy about the way I allowed her to push my buttons but at the same time....I needed to hear that I'm not the only person on earth who might have reacted that way with such a person.   So thankyou Deb and sending love back to you!


Hi IZ:   Ofcourse, you are right as well.   I should not have enabled this woman.  I could/should have stood up at my desk and much sooner.    I'm not happy with how I acted.



My H and I did discuss this last evening and a couple of things we concluded. 

1.  Part of my anger was actually toward my H.  When that woman said she'd leave when she was ready, I had thought my H had heard her comment (but he didn't....because he was inside the machine and she had walked about 10 feet infront of it, by this time).  I guess I expected him to react......to climb down from the machine......to deal firmly with this person and to back me up!  When he didn't do any of that......I felt anger toward him (although I was not aware of it) ......which I projected onto the sales person.

This doesn't help me to feel any better, however.  What the???  I neeeeed him to protect me from pushy sales people?  I get mad when he doesn't??  I feel even more useless when I think of it that way.  What the heck was I thinking?  I'm a big girl and I can handle people like her.......if I keeep my head!!!  That's two wacky reactions now!  But at least I realized it.  It's good to know when you're acting/reacting in ways you don't like.   I can work on not doing that next time.

2.  Both of us made the error/s of:  Not getting a licence plate number.  Not asking for a business card.  Not even looking at her vehicle to get a description of it and possibly the name of the company.

I would have felt like a total idiot had I called the police without any of this information and so would my H.  We made a pact to pay attention to this first.....next time and to remind eachother if one of us seems to be forgetting.  It is easy to do when these sales people barge into your business and starting yacking.  We both feel like just telling them to "shut up".  Not good public relations at all there.

3.  We run our own business and both of us strongly believe in treating the public politely and as pleasantly as possible.  You just never know who you might be ticking off (for one thing) and it only makes good business sense to treat all who come through our doors with as much patience and consideration as possible.

It just blew me away when this person acted so agressively and defiantly......unprofessional too.  I've learned that I need to be quick to recognize this "type" and as you said, Iz, cut the time wasted in 1/2 or less.   Warn them and then go ahead and report to the police or at least, call their company and report their agressive behaviour.

So I guess I'll have to learn from the experience.    I still say the good news is that most people are not like her.  Most will leave their card and go quickly when they see you are not interested at the moment.  Somehow, I have to recognize people like her quicker and deal with them without getting upset. 

That was my real downfall, I believe.  Feeling instead of thinking.  I should know better too.

Thanks for your support CB, Deb and Iz.    I very much appreciate it.

Sela

[Portia]

Hi Sela.....feeling instead of thinking?

i don't know. Sometimes i think that some aggressive people only react to a display of feeling - they just don't respond to logical thought and communication. It's like some animalistic thing maybe? She was being totally disrespectful from the moment she plonks her stuff on your territory...and the rest of the time she was there, it's like some minor devil has come to life in your building.

It's difficult to think instead of feel when you are suddenly and somewhat violently presented with an alien-like robotic individual whose only objective is to get you to listen to her and who has no interest or 'receptors' for listening to you. You maybe feel bad because you experienced some fear and anger in the presence of this 'person'?

I'm gritting my teeth just reading about your experience. You should know better? Whyyyy? Aren't you human too? When greeted with a surprise attack from an invading army, I think it's pretty normal to feel a range of emotions. Maybe you were dampening down your 'fight' response? (because you were in *shock* that someone could be so rude and invasive?)

Otherwise you might have said "leave because I'm calling the police in 60 seconds and the clock is ticking....58, 57, 56....". okay you could have got her biz card first and remained calm etc but heck, does this kind of thing happen to you every day? Nope, so you were 'caught off guard' - and let's face it, who wants to spend their life 'on guard' against minor devils?

No worries about having emotions in this episode, but what happened to your preservation fight response - was it confused by her bluster maybe? This woman's sense of entitlement threw you perhaps? She was a VIPER! Know any other vipers? (((((((((Sela)))))))))

[Sela]

Wow!  P!  Thankyou.  Thankyou.

Seriously thankyou so much for taking the time to read and think and feel and then write.

Your words are like salve.  Yes.  From the moment she stuck her ugly face in my space without so much as introducing herself and then plunked her stuff ontop of my work.....I'm sure I started to feel irritated.  Angry!  Afraid even!

Yes!  She was like a robotic alien and I did feel like a caged animal there in my own office.  Fear?  Yes.  I remember thinking:  "What if she won't leave?"  and other fearful thoughts.  You just don't know what someone like this might do?  I often wonder if they are there to distract me so they can harm my H or other scary stuff. 

I was in shock at her obnoxious invasion and you're right!  I don't deal with people like her very often and I do have a right to react like the human I am.  And yes, I was fighting my own urge to throttle the begonias outta her, which is why I felt like a bad girl afterward.  I just don't usually feel that.  I just don't feel thaaat angry or like being violent toward people.  My reaction was so intense.  It really upset me.  But I think you nailed it.

Viper.

That's an accurate word isn't it.  Yes I do know a viber who did similar and worse stuff eh?   And this person must have hit those exact buttons by her similar behaviour.  That makes a lot of sense P.

Remeber before when we were talking about feelings?  And you said you feel stuff physically?  Even in your teeth?

That's what it was like.  I felt enraged ....every hair on my body.....all my teeth and my toenails too!!  Viper!  Yes.  She was like a carbon copy on a shorter scale.

We talked to four of our business neighbours.  They all had visits from this one.  They all said they had a time with her.  She "just wouldn't leave!" they said.

What happened to my preservation fight response?  I think I scared myself.  I knew if I didn't get away from this woman I might physically attack her.  I felt so angry!  So I withdrew to the safety of my office and let my H deal with her.  It took awhile but she finally left.  I resisted the very strong urge that was so foreign to me, I guess.  It's just not how I usually am or feel or think or want to behave.  I felt so weird and bad and silly and confused as to why would I react like that?  So intensely?

Yes.  Her sense of entitlement threw me for a giant loop.  Same viper entitlement.  Same invasion of boundaries.  Same forceful "listen to me" attitude with no hearing receptors.  Same "I'm in charge" arrogance.  Same all-important-nose-in-the air!  Same eyes!!  Same Sneaky,  Underhanded,  Cruel  Look!!  Same slimey tone!   Yes P! 

Thanks for saying a range of emotions is pretty normal when a person feels attacked like that and ya.....who wants to live "on guard" against such "people"?  Not me.  I'd rather react like a crazed animal every time.  At least I feel human doing that.  I can feel!!!

She ......was like a machine.  Without feeling.  Without empathy for what anyone might be doing or needing to do or what anyone but her might want.  It was herrrrrrr time and sheeeeee was spending it.   Herrrrr message was the only thing that mattered and by gum she was going to give it to whomever she encountered and give it to them in full!!   And then call anyone who tried to claim their own space and time back......."the rudest person she's ever met" and see if she can find their boss and get them fired!!  Turn the tables.  Act rude and then accuse others of rudeness.  Barge in and display her all-powerful self and look upon anyone who does not buy her garbage as beneath her!!!  Gee.  That sounds so familiar.  So very familiar!

Yep.  Viper is dang ringer.  And I swear I would never have seen the similarities between her and the viper I know without your help.  So thankyou P.

I like myself again.  I'm not so bad eh?  Thanks.  You really helped.  Thanks for the hug.  Sending you a biggie.

((((((((((((((((((((((Portia)))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

[Margo]

Hi all:

I'm having a time with myself today, one minute wanting to beat myself up and the next thinking I did ok, considering.  Here's what happened:

I was working away on a particularly challenging account when a woman opens my office door, sticks her head into my office and asks:  "No guard dog?" (sometimes I have my big doggie with me so I keep a sign on the door, which she must have read:  "Warning:  Guard dog on duty").

"Not today" I answer cheerily.  She steps in, plunks her binder and stuff ontop of my paperwork on my desk and says:  "I need to speak with whoever looks after the hydro account". 

I respond:  "Regarding?"

She repeats:  "I need to speak with the person who takes care of the hydro bill."

I say:  "We're not interested in buying hydro from any other company but thankyou...."

She pipes up:  "I'm not selling anything so how do you know you're not interested?"

I say:  "Sum it up in one sentence please because I really don't think I'm interested and I don't want to waste your...."

She yoddles:  "Let's put it this way, with our company, you're fully protected".

Now I know I'm not interested and I say:  "I'm sorry but we're not interested."

She crows:  "Well you should be interested.  Why wouldn't you be interested?"

Me, starting to feel irritated:  "Look, I'm sorry.  We're not interested."

She almost sings:  "You have to be interested.  Why aren't you interested?"

I frown.  I show her by looking directly into her eyes with what I think is firmness and state:  "Look.  I'm very busy and I'm not interested.  Please leave."

She yells!  "I don't understand why you aren't interested.  Blah blah blah...."

"Because I'm not interested.", I say.

"Well, you should be interested." she's still speaking quite loudly and I say:

"Well, I'm not".

"Why are you not interested?" she's still asking when finally.....

"GEt out of my office!!", I roar, and for some Godawful reason I throw in, "And have a nice day!".



She finally picks up her stuff and walks out but does not leave the building.   I see her head over to where my husband is busy working on a machine but I can't see her because she steps behind the machine, up close to where he is jammed inside it.  He says she said:  "I need to speak to the owner and that woman in that office should be fired.  Who is she??"

My husband is the owner but he says:  "The owner's not here right now" (which is his typical response to any sales person who manages to get past me).   Another person, a friend, is also standing beside the machine near my husband, smirking, I'm sure, and he looks at the sales-lady and shrugs.  She keeps yapping and then steps outside, meets a customer coming in and says to him:  "I need to speak to the owner", and the customer, not understanding the situation says:  "OH, he should be right there in that machine".
So she comes back in and starts yapping about the hydro thing and blah blah blah.......

I'm fully focussed on the account I'm working on for quite a few minutes when suddenly, I hear the woman's high pitched voice, still out there, still blabbing......I think to myself:   "She interupted me and now she's interupted him long enough!!"...........so...............

I get up.  I go out there and I confront her.  I say:  "I've already told you that we are not interested and I've already asked you to leave.  It's time to go.  Go away!"  in a calm but firm voice.  She replies:

"I'll leave when I'm ready!!"

I walk over to the machine where my H is working inside and I say:  "What do you think of that?" and he, having not heard what she just said, and looking tired of the whole business says:  "I already told her we're not interested".

I look back at her and say:  "Go away.  Leave.  Time to go."

And she says:  "You have to be the rudest person I have ever met!"

And  I want to spit at her.  I want to rip her hair out.  I want to crush her ugly fat lips through her stupid fat teeth and I want to punch her so badly, more than I have ever felt toward another human being in my life!!  For some ridiculous reason......I feel enraged and want to physically attack this horrible freaking person!!  But instead, I say:

"I must be." and I walk back to my office, go inside and close the door.

My husband says he said to her a number of times after that:  "It's about time you left" but she just wasn't going until she was ready.



What do ya'll think?  I'm going through the stupidest feelings of shame!!  How stupid of me!  I should have just stayed in my office and kept my mouth shut.  I feel like I made a fool of myself infront of the customer and my H's friend by letting this weirdo get my goat!  I felt powerless, to boot.  These people know that by the time you call the police, they are long gone.

No wonder I bring my big dog with me half the time.  I have never had to ask more than once, when my dog is there.  I just say:  "You have two seconds before I release my dog" and they go!!  Ofcourse, that's probably not good behaviour either. 

Any why........have I let a pushy, arrogant, ugly sales-woman upset me to the point of feeling so angry?  What's with that?    I am just getting over the flu, so I tell myself that I'm not my usual self, which I'm not but still.  People like her are few and far between, thank God!!  Or I might attack somebody!!!
Jeepers.  That's not me at all.


Does anyone else have a way of dealing with these types that I could learn from?  I dread being there alone, when someone like her shows up.  My dog has been the best deterrant so far but honestly.....I think I might have had a time controlling my dog with this one!!  She was like a disease!!   Like something that gets up your nose and makes you gag!  She was just plain aggrivating!! 

Or.....I let her be.   Why?

Well thanks for reading.  This is silly.  With all the much bigger problems in the world (and those of others here) and all the rest of the stuff to worry about.....it's just plain dumb to let such a person pee in my cornflakes, I guess!!   At least I didn't give into the temptation to rearrange her face.  Boy!!  I've never felt like that before!!  That worries me too.  What's wrong with me, all of a sudden?  Why would I even react like that?  Where did my brain go?  I keep thinking maybe she reminds me of someone from my past but she doesn't.  She just reminds me of how lucky I am to not have to deal with people like her too often.  But me getting all riled up and ready to spit??  Not good.  Not good at all.    I don't like myself right now.

Sela

I think I would have been just as frustrated and I know I've had feelings like that before.  Maybe just calling the police after she refuses to leave the property next time?  I hope you have a no soliciting sign up and skip all that trouble for yourself next time.  She triggered something for you and bullying pushy people tend to do that in everyone, dont'cha think?  Margo

[Portia]

Sela, it feels good if I helped in any way, so thank you. Reading you I remembered that time when you scared the heck out of that guy on the tube…(underground, metro, what d’you call it?), you know? When you acted like a completely crazy person because you were scared of him and for good reason. Then your responses for self-preservation were on full throttle.

This sales person reminded you of someone else and your reaction was confused (? or was confusing?) by that similarity because - ? I was wondering why you didn’t react like with guy who was threatening - it seems to me you did react like that inside, but felt bad about it maybe? Just pondering here.

Yes, I remember the teeth comment. Feeling that enraged and afraid though as you did, I guess you ‘knew’ it wasn’t a ‘normal’ response and started to question yourself as to why? Like the problem is with you and not the threat? Maybe I’m doing a big ol’ projection here, coz I sure felt myself getting annoyed reading about this lady! About being worried about physically attacking someone…I don’t think it’s illegal to use our voices (unless we’re using those abusive words). I think yelling a warning to a viper is okay. Some people just don’t hear otherwise? I guess for me it’s grabbing control of that feeling and using it with control towards a clear objective. Haha, listen to me! Can I do that? I’d like to!

I don’t want to live ‘on guard’ either. I just want to recognise these things as they happen and react accordingly. I did once follow a sales person who was so rude to me…..the pointing finger came out and I found I was walking after him (finger first). It’s okay. I like being human and having feelings too!

Very glad you like yourself again. And thank you again for your reply, it all works, all works.
 

[Sela]

Hi Margo:

Thanks for saying you would have felt just as frustrated.  It helps to know my reaction is one that others believe they might have had too.  It helps me to hear I'm not alone so thanks.

I hope the next time I have to deal with such a person, I will have the presence of mind to get their info/biz card and not hesitate to call for help.  We do not have a "no solicitation" sign up because we actually do buy some stuff from some salespeople.   And most people are not a problem.

Yes, you're right too Margo.  I think bullying pushy type people do tend to trigger something in me (and I bet you're right about others too). 

So I guess the question comes down to:

What is the best way to handle bullying, pushy people?

I think .....backing away from them..gives them power and lets them away with their behaviour, so that's no good.  And trying to communicate with them in any logical sense is a total waste of time.   So what's best to do..when one meets up with these kinds of Godzillas??  What's best for me to do? 

I think call the police is a good idea but not without the proper info so I must make sure I get at least some of that first.  Also, in hindsight, I might have turned away, got back to my work, ignored her, after saying I'm not interested and goodbye?   Naw.  She would have stood there yapping and yapping, I bet, like she did at the neighbour businesses around. 

Maybe I need a sling shot??? ( Out!  Poing!  I said:  Out!  Poing!!)

Maybe not.




Hay again Portia:

True, I did manage to scare the tar out of the guy in the subway station.....many years ago and a couple of differences in the situations might be why I didn't react the same way this time.  First, the guy in the subway was a guy and he grabbed me......my clothing....and held a knife up!  I had no time to think ....I just reacted to the very clear and immediate threat.  Also, I was alone in a subway station at night with the dangerous looking guy.  In this saleslady case.....I knew my H was out there, nearby, if I needed him....so maybe that influenced me too?  I'm not sure.

Being this time it was a woman.......did confuse me, I think.  Most sales people we get around are men and usually, polite and respectful so this ....not like that.....woman.......threw me off right away.  Plus......there was no immediate/physical threat to life and limb...which is what will call up one's full-throttle will to self-preserve......in most cases, I bet.

But now that you mention it.......it did feel similar inside, only this time...as you say.....I felt bad about feeling it...felt like it would be wrong to let the lion out of the den, so to speak.  I had to tame my own monster!!  Yes, bad me, to have a monstrous reaction to a sales lady, who looked, after all, harmless enough.

Maybe that was the difference too.  The guy in the subway.....looked like he was dangerous.  This woman.....was like a viper in an angel suit.  And like you say....this person reminded me of someone else and my reaction was confused/confusing......even to myself.   I think I did start to question the intensity of my response ....fairly soon after I started to feel it.   Yes, that's what it felt like......like the problem was me.....not the threat. 

I don’t think it’s illegal to use our voices (unless we’re using those abusive words). I think yelling a warning to a viper is okay. Some people just don’t hear otherwise? I guess for me it’s grabbing control of that feeling and using it with control towards a clear objective. Haha, listen to me! Can I do that? I’d like to!

That's just it.  I don't normally go around yelling at people and it felt odd/strange/abnormal to do that to a complete stranger.  But as you said, some people just don't hear otherwise and she sure wasn't listening to me so I was fairly ok with roaring at her, when I did, in my office, I think.

It was the desire to rip pieces of skin off her that got me feeling really bad about myself.   That intense urge to physically attack another human being that I was feeling , which yes, when my life is in danger, is a good reaction, but otherwise????
Not a good thing to be feeling or thinking about or wanting to do.  It helps now to realize that this person's behaviour triggered stuff from my past and that helps me to understand my own reaction. 

I just want to recognise these things as they happen and react accordingly.

 Me too and within the law and in ways I will be happy to share about later, rather than feeling ashamed to be alive.  Still, as you say, I agree.  I like being human and having feelings.  I must have a very sensitive bully-detector eh?  And we learn from every experience, which is a great thingy too. 

And people who bother to help us understand our own behaviour and who are supportive and caring....like everyone in this thread......

are a lovely gift.  Thankyou P, Margo, Izzy, Deb and CB!  Thankyou all!

Sela

[BonesMS]

If that viper had dumped her crap on top of my work, after the third time of telling her to leave, I would have shoved her crap to the floor and gone back to work with my back to her.  (While pushing down the overwhelming urge to punch her lights out!)

Bones

[debkor]

Sela

I had a neighbor down the block years ago. She had something really wrong with her.  Her two boy that were 6 use to come up by my house to play sometimes.  My kids were around the same age. They were troubled although.  They hurt animals, children and use to draw pictures called bloody brains which is exactly what it was.

While my kids were outside playing they cut up my sons bicycle seat with a steak knife from their kitchen.  I went down told their mother and she blew it off*not my sons*  Whatever keep your kids down here and away from mine.
I really wanted to punch her face in.

Later she came to my house with a pumpkin carver screaming like a maniac waving this thing and ranting.  She through it into the woods and let out this big ROAR!  Looked around and started to tear up everything in my yard.  Break toys, throw bikes anything there (which was my car also) OK OK I was calm. I told her to leave.  She ignored. LEAVE NOW.  Ignored me then hit me. Whoa!!  I heard my kids screaming from the front stairs I told them to get in side and lock the door.
I told her one more time.  Leave now or I will make you leave.  She did not and I beat her butt right into the street.

Talk about crazy.  I could not believe I did that but I felt their was no choice I had to defend.

She never botherd me again.  Then they moved.  I felt bad for her husband who was normal.  I heard he divorced her and took custody of his kids.  Thank God.


Love
Deb

[Margo]

Sela

I had a neighbor down the block years ago. She had something really wrong with her.  Her two boy that were 6 use to come up by my house to play sometimes.  My kids were around the same age. They were troubled although.  They hurt animals, children and use to draw pictures called bloody brains which is exactly what it was.

While my kids were outside playing they cut up my sons bicycle seat with a steak knife from their kitchen.  I went down told their mother and she blew it off*not my sons*  Whatever keep your kids down here and away from mine.
I really wanted to punch her face in.

Later she came to my house with a pumpkin carver screaming like a maniac waving this thing and ranting.  She through it into the woods and let out this big ROAR!  Looked around and started to tear up everything in my yard.  Break toys, throw bikes anything there (which was my car also) OK OK I was calm. I told her to leave.  She ignored. LEAVE NOW.  Ignored me then hit me. Whoa!!  I heard my kids screaming from the front stairs I told them to get in side and lock the door.
I told her one more time.  Leave now or I will make you leave.  She did not and I beat her butt right into the street.

Talk about crazy.  I could not believe I did that but I felt their was no choice I had to defend.

She never botherd me again.  Then they moved.  I felt bad for her husband who was normal.  I heard he divorced her and took custody of his kids.  Thank God.


Love
Deb

Well....::sigh::  That was a very refreshing story to read just now, lol.  I'm feeling so much stress and anxiety that my shoulder's about to pop out of place but... I got to laugh a bit and feel a wee bit of your power, lol.  A short respite from my haunting.  Margo

[DivineSunshine]

Sela,

I had a VERY similar experience at my own home just last night!  Long story very short------I ended up yelling at a very bad cruel theatening man at my front doorstep to defend my home----and I had to still choose my words carefully since I knew my children were within earshot as well as a few neighbors!  I did the best I could to put him in his place and scared him off after having to act like a person I thought I never would, and then realize my husband heard the entire thing----is the CAUSE of it---and did not even get his butt off the couch to help me....or defend me...or take care of HIS mess......

....but HE claimed he didn't hear and if he heard I would have had to call the cops on him for beating up the guy for talking to HIS wife like that.  Again, it was all about HIM.  But besides that, I can relate to your anger and frustration with your husband (even if he didn't realize the whole story), in the moment, it must have caused you to respond with even more anger. 

The more I thought about it, the more I wished I would have REALLY let the guy have it---with insults and swearing and maybe spitting and throwing things.....kinda wish now I would have...just for my own peace of mind, you know after something like that you can think of lots more you could have said or done that woulda been sooo good!  But like I said, I was censoring myself due to my kids......but,  I am learning to be a bit of a fighter thanks to my very own Viper NH!  I don't know if that is good or bad. 

This guy at my door was a snake and a worm, the woman you dealt with was totally unbelievable.  I used to work as receptionist for a company of 300 people and had to be the "guard dog" at the front door all day and some people I would literally have to chase down the hall.  They were so pushy they just would walk right by me.  We had strict security rules and I had to stop them and try to be dignified in my dress at the same time.  Didn't happen a lot, but I have seen these people and I really DON"T GET IT!!!   I could NEVER act that way to ANYONE which is why, I think, it is angering for us.....our mind can't wrap around such awful, rude, selfish, ridiculous behavior.  And the GALL it takes to do that for a living..that woman must be a JOY to live with!

Good for you, I say.  At least you said something.  Stood up for yourself!  That counts for a lot!  Others may not get the whole scope of the situation, but YOU do---would you feel better if you let her push you  into buying crap from her? And waste more of your time and money?   You know what I mean?

Anyway, just my two cents.....

Sunny

[Margo]

Hi Margo:

Wht is the best way to handle bullying, pushy people?

::sigh::  I'll let you know when I figure out how to handle mine.  On the whole though...... I think calling the police on someone who refuses to leave private proptery after being asked..... is completely acceptable.   Denying them an audience.  Asking for their business card then dialing their comany and asking for their supervisor.  I hate to picture myself being held captive in my office by a rogue salesperson, lol..... but...... it really is a frustrating situation.  How to keep assertive pushy people OFF of us.  Ahhhh..... .I've got to get ready for depsotion this morning.  I'll miss my 4yo's Mother Goose recital..... so sad about that.  The first thing I'll miss.  Margo

[Sela]

Wow!  Thankyou all again!

Hi Bones:  It's funny how quickly things happen and how thoughts race through my mind during such incidents.  The thought of throwing her stuff on the floor and turning away/ignoring her.....flashed through my head but for some reason I  rejected the idea.  Maybe because as CB points out......the woman wasn't responding to usual hints/polite requests and I guess I wasn't sure how she would react if I threw her stuff on the floor.  I know what you mean though.......it would have been exactly what I felt like doing and maybe even satisfying!

Gee Deb!  That neighbour down the block sounds wicked!!  You certainly kept your wits about you and your nerve!  Sometimes, unfortunately, I think that's the only way to deter a bully.  It's not nice but it seems to be the only message they understand.  You say the woman had "something wrong with her", which I don't doubt but the fact that she "never bothered (you) again" speaks to her ability to understand well enough. 

Thankyou for sharing that Deb.   I guess you were shocked with yourself but as you believed you had no better choice and needed to defend your home/stuff/kids......it makes sense that you reacted the way you did.    I'm glad you were able to get rid of that neighbour for good!  She sounds like she could have made life a nightmare, otherwise.

Hi Margo:  Sorry about your stress and anxiety.  Hope things go well for you today.   I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks CB:  That was a time consuming post and I appreciate you bothering.  As a matter of fact, the woman did have an odd accent and might have been from a different country.  I had not thought of the cultural differences but ya know......that might be a possible explanation for her behaviour?  She'll have to learn to behave according to our culture, I think, or she'll not make a great saleswoman (and might....as I said to my H....run into the wrong person, sometime.....someone who is at the end of their rope....someone having a really bad day....and she might just push too far!!)

What you said about cultural cues is quite true, I think.  We are used to a certain set of them and when they are not followed......it does feel confusing.  Thanks for that.  It helps me believe that lot's of people might have been thrown for a loop by this woman's behaviour.  And also......that I was not able to react instinctively.....makes a lot of sense too.  Thanks CB.

I think you hammered it here:

A lot of what we go through in our life with N's feels like this--the cues are all wrong.  I suspect that her behavior triggered those same feelings that you get when you are dealing with an N.  So you have a lot of residual emotions hanging around after the fact.

Absolutely, it felt like that but also.......the not being able to put my finger on it......really messed me up.  I think (now) it's why I wanted to physically attack this woman but at the time, that idea seemed insane!   I felt like I was losing it for no good reason and that's scary!  So thanks again, because you've reinforced what Portia picked up on and helped me get and it all helps.

I think I might have been giggling myself silly.....there in that music store situation you describe.    Did you manage to keep a straight face?  Think how silly that man would think of us for paying the price on the tag.  The world is sure an interesting place eh? 

Hope you all have a wonderful day and don't have to deal with any weirdo N's or rude bullies.

Sela