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A Strange Phenomenon - Anyone Else Experienced This Trait?

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Ishana:
Hi everyone!

I just found this site and am so happy to have found a community of people who really, finally understand what I've been going through all of these years.  The basics:  my biological mother died when I was 6 years old.  My father almost immediately married a woman who is narcissitic, sociopathic and multiple personality disordered.  She, and my father, proceeded to severely abuse my self and my two younger siblings until we finally left home.  My step-mother was a very important personality in our community due to her position at the college...both of them were "pillars" of religious and civic institutions of our small town.  

I wasn't able to leave until I was age 18.  While we all suffered greatly at the hands of this evil person and my father (he has told me secretly that he abused us because the beatings would be less severe) but to show you how bad it was my sister is permanently brain damaged from the physical abuse...and, I know you all will understand this...the physical abuse was NOTHING compared to the emotional abuse and control that dominated our lives.

Overall I haven't been able to tolerate much proximity to my "parents" in my adult life.  But the times I have been involved with them I have noticed a strange thing and am wondering if anyone else can identify with this?  My stepmother is obsessed with anything related to illness, injury, death and dying.  This translates in her participation in any activity in which she can be close to a disaster, violence, or death.  She drags my father to every funeral in town, visits anyone she has ever met, heard about or read about who is sick, injured or in the hospital, goes to every accident and constantly discusses any thing related her obsession with the dark side of life.  The worse the event or illness or injury the better.  She relishes the details, the gorier the better.  She loves going to wakes or Native American funeral ceremonies (they live near a Reservation)  even of people she has never met.  The best ones are where people died horribly.  Of course, everything somehow relates to her; she finds a way to become central in the conversation even if you are the person sick or hurt.  She dramatizes everything she discusses, but these topics are her favorite.  Has anyone else seen this type of obsession?

Take care,

Ishana

write:
I am sorry you had such an abusive early life.

Your stepmother sounds like a psycopath.

Do you still see her?

tokyojim2001:
This may be a bit off the topic, but I am wondering if you have some hope of seeing her (deserved) suffering from this obsession.  That is, do you secretely hope and want to see her suffer from this fear or obsession with death?

RedRose:
Hello, Ishana.

I have not seen that with my N person.  What I see is a person who doesn't always seem to know how to be empathetic about the situations of others, although she is capable of kindness.  And this is what makes dealing with her so damned confusing and difficult.

What I have experienced is that I see my N person thriving in chaos.  It seems she is uncomfortable with peace, as she didn't have a peaceful upbringing.  The best way I see it, is that she doesn't trust quiet.  It must not be good if there is peace for too long.  

Your stepmother probably has several mental issues, as do many people.

rosencrantz:
You wanted to know if anyone else has seen this type of obsession.  It's not something I've come across but it makes me wonder what trauma in her own childhood led to it.  If she is of some standing in the local community, I'm wondering if the obsession is becoming obvious to other people??

If she always relates everything to herself, that's a very 'N' characteristic.

RedRose - my mother thrives on chaos, too.  I've come to the conclusion that creating chaos and confusion is her way of exerting control. No one can 'get to her' if they are in a state of confusion and busy sorting out the chaos.  I see that there is a certain logic to it but it  wouldn't be my own personal choice!!

People who write 'off topic' are dealing with their own issues and that can cause confusion, too.  :wink:

R

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