I am still deep in the throes of PTSD from my latest N experience. But here goes:
I was brought up by an N mother. Been in therapy 12 years dealing with that.
I am finally divorcing my cerebral N husband after 20 years with him. I post on the Passive- Aggressive & Verbal Abuse boards regularly and of course, things are slow going. We have kids. I am disabled and dependent on him for money but, I have a great lawyer who really understands everything and a great counselor who is helping me with the verbal abuse I get & how to detach from it.
Now, my latest N story. About 2 years an old boyfriend from college looked me up. Wasn't much at first, he is married, wealthy, 2 kids and I was very ill, 2 kids and divorcing. He told me right away he wasn't happy. Based on our past relationship we got very close again. In no time at all he initiated an online affair with me. He wanted to make it real but I told him we needed to slow things down. We did see each other in person only a couple times ( we live close) and he said he was having a hard time controlling himself around me. Cybersex followed and as things went along he got more & more disgusting with what he wanted me to do during cybersex and I pretty much pulled back from him. He admitted to seeing a prostitute & watching loads of porn including online role playing. I tried to tell him he had a problem but he would always make a joke out of it. Sometimes I would see him online for hours without so much as a hello to me. If I IM'd him he would say he was working. This happened more & more & more. But every once in a while he would pop back up and be very into me. I kept ignoring the flags due to our long time friendship and the fact I was focused on divorcing my NH and taking care of my precious children.
Well, 2 weeks ago a friend of mine from online that I had introduced him to got in touch with me. Thru a series of bizarre events and a 10-hour phone conversation, it turned out that in the last 5 weeks he has been having cybersex with her, told her he loved her, she was his soulmate, he was having phone sex with her on the company phone, he was planning a business trip to San Fran. to go sleep with her (along with other trips) and buying her all sorts of stuff. Initially I was devastated that all the things I wanted from him for 2 years he gave to someone else in 5 weeks. The woman still is in love with him somewhat tho she & I have stayed in touch to keep each other strong. He had sent her some objectionable stuff over the net and told each of us so many twisted lies it was truly bizarre. After a lot of soul searching we sent everything to his wife. He has now gone to his rabbi for COUNSELING and is trying to Pray his way back to mental normalcy.
Over the weekend he emailed me & this other woman (I had him blocked almost everywhere!!! GRRRRR) and said he was so sorry, he felt so bad, he was indecent, a terrible person, praying for help, etc. He is a terrible speller and he misspelled my last name in a lewd fashion (it wasn't purposeful I don't think) and just that alone sent me into hours of shaking and vomitting. Both mine and the woman in California's therapists are treating us for PTSD & Emotional Rape. The most bizarre is that it seems he used ALL my WORDS & PERSONALITY on her. So she was having the affair with ME via HIM!! ewww ewww ewww. Of course I feel like an enabler.
My therapist has told me he will come back to me any number of times since it seems I was his current source of NS and he used my Personality like bait. I need to stay strong to kick him to the curb.
Also, this jerk writes on Religion, ethics & politics for a number of Jewish ezines. He has a site with a guestbook and we suspect he may use the replies on his guestbook to troll for new NS. I wish there was a way to stop him. His editors have done nothing (sigh)
The worst for me is I don't know who this person is. Who the guy I dated in college is or who I have been talking to the last 2 years. He emotionally sucked me dry.
O.K. that's about it.... thanks for listening
