Last night I sent a note to her that said the truth was releasing a lot of my anger
*********************************************************************
The folllowing is a draft of the last incident that requires leveling out!
*************************************************************
The last incident that requires something from me, is when I had the 4 of you come out in the summer of 2000.
For Xmas 1999 I was feeling lonesome for all of you and told Bob I was thinking about having you all come out. He got mad and said if I did then he would invite his ex and the 2 kids—well I never knew what to believe from him so dropped it—too many people!
Then it was his idea for the 4 of you and summer and the houseboat, 2000. Said y’all would love it! You and I were making all the plans and I was emailing you about getting the time together and the flights etc. and sent you the money. He was needed to pilot the boat but the rest of the time ought to have been ours while he worked (OUR business partnership)
Then he threw in his son and the whole 2 weeks became all of us. I wasn’t sure I could handle that, as he ought to have been working after the 5 days on the houseboat. 9 days of work would keep him out of our hair.
I wanted to have a talk with you and tell you how I had fallen into the same trap that you had and I had to get out. The words wouldn’t come when the time presented itself—only one chance I think, and who would have come upon us, or overhear us, on the houseboat?
After, Bob was crabbing about the cost of the van, $500.00, and I paid $500.00, but I said if he had left his son out of the picture, all the expenses would have been mine. By bringing Henry in, he had badly affected the whole flavour of the visit. I saw that he saw what I meant. That book he read, to isolate himself, was the first and only book I saw him read in 4 years. I wonder if there is a way to find out if he really has a Master’s Degree at Queens U. Those 4 days of reading he could have spent with his son, but then came Matt's 8th birthday and he and Henry left "to spend time together" What an as*hole! Even said to hang onto their burgers--and never came back.
He complained about the kids in the van—said he couldn’t stand the noise and I told them to “shut up” Well I know that phrase is used but I had never used it on children. I couldn’t stop myself and felt awful. I was still thinking Bob would change if he learned from my examples, good or bad. He didn’t!
I was glad I gave you the keys to my car so you could get away. When you were gone, I knew why, and I felt just awful--how far you were from home and no way to get there until your flight day!
Then when he threw the van keys at me in a fight, and said, “You drive!”, knowing I couldn’t, without hand-controls. I handed them to you, the next morning, flight day, and said, ”Today you are driving”! He forgot about that! Boy! Did he hate riding in that back row and I’ll bet he never realized that is what the kids went through.
I loved when we stopped to see Michelle and he gave the two of you “15 minutes”. I nearly croaked and you were gone much longer while he kept blowing the horn, right at 15 minutes! I told him to stop. You wouldn’t listen. You were with your ½ sister and when he was with his ½ siblings, I hung around for hours!
You are such a good driver and drove that big van on a rainy day on the Hwy to Hope Slide and took pictures while driving. Wow!
I suppose the main thing is that I saw myself then, with Bob, and in as bad of shape as you were with Gus. We each had an N. You had escaped and I wasn’t over Gus, let alone what Bob was doing( and still didn’t know about N-ism.)
Then you emailed about not feeling welcome and I was so embarrassed that I tried to cover. I’ll bet you never believed a word of mine and likely every one was an untruth.
I was trying to protect my Interest in the business and wasn’t even “alive enough in the head’ to realize I could change things, as a full partner. That came to me only after I left him, after I had had it up to here! When I was on my own, my ability to reason began to return and I dissolved the partnership. Up until then, any mistakes on Bob’s part would have the Gov’t into my bank accounts for payment of Bob’s bills. It was timely, as within 6 months of dissolving, the Gov’t was looking for him
These are my sincere apologies to “You and Maggie”, in particular and all 4 of you together on that fiasco. I have no idea how they remember it, but I feel it was “not well”. Maggie deserves a separate apology, if she recalls the awful way I spoke to her. At that time I was NEVER getting anything ^I^ wanted and I don’t mean that in a selfish way.
(I didn't cut it off this abruptly, but this tells where I had the N in my life mess up my relationship with my daughter.)
