Hi write,
I have a little anecdote, which may or may not help and may or may not even make sense, but sometimes I accidentally say something useful. And at first it may seem a little off topic but it's not.
I recently bought a DVD of a legendary, semi-underground piece of cinema verite by Claude Lelouche, the French director who made 'A Man and a Woman.' Its an utterly irresponsible, criminal, dangerous film that is also pretty darn exhilirating and a guilty pleasure; to a car guy anyway.
It's called 'Rendevous' and consists of him putting a camera on the front of his Ferrari in 1976 and proceeding to drive (he may have hired a Formula one driver, the details are pretty murky) through the early morning streets of Paris at speeds up to 140 miles an hour. There was no traffic control, none of the streets were closed off and he darn near hits several pedestrians and vehicles while running innumerable red lights, all to a purpose revealed at the end.
Now my wife was never the kind of person to have enjoyed or even watched such a film previously, but surprisingly she did watch it and actually enjoyed it. Even more surprising when I asked her if she would be willing to take such a drive she said, after emphasizing it would have to be a deserted highway rather than a crowded city street where someone else might be killed, yes. She has always been so cautious that her answer was pretty surprising. When she saw my reaction she said the words that are the point of what is turning into a pretty lengthy post; "When you've been at death's door (as she was last summer) 140 miles an hour is nothing."
All of which is a long way of saying I no longer view death as something to mourn but as a release for the person who has died and a reconfirmation of our own mortality which I think should lead us to make the most of what we have left here. Of course there is sorrow in missing those we love, but somehow when you have faced it really, really close and especially if you have dodged it for a time, somehow it seems to me now the best way to honor the dead and death itself is to live as though it may come to visit us at any moment, which of course it can and will, not as something to be considered an enemy.
Solomon said "It is better to be a live dog than a dead lion". I never got what he meant, as the sentiment seems so contrary to Judeo Christian thought, until death was in our house for a time and now waits, perhaps for months perhaps for decades, as a gentleman on the doorstep. Now, when I leave the house I don't try to drive him away or cringe in fear, I just tip my hat to a necessary and sovereign, and in the end merciful, gentleman.
mud
