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my feelings

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write:
tonight I had a strange moment when I realised I felt vaguely sad ( after the break up of my 20 year marriage )

Not strange because I was feeling sad- but strange because I was just able to be sad and feel it for a while, then let it float away.

I think this is the first time in my life I have felt calm and not overwhelmed by feelings and by other demanding people.

I am in charge of my own life and my own emotions for the first time in 40 years!

hope4lite:
I am glad that you are taking charge of your life.  I know what it is like to be controlled by so many people in one's life.  I grew up with a very controlling Mother, and a little Sister that is the same way.  Then after I left home, I married a very controlling man.  I have been married for 25 years, I love him, but I will not be controlled by anyone.  It took me me a long time to gain some control.  I started to change when I turned 38, they didn't like it.  Some even think I am witchy.  So what!  I have been bullied enough.  

Hang in there write ok?  You will make it.  My older Sis told me I have to do some soul searching.  Same thing happened to her in her 30s.  We are stronger than we think. ;)

rosencrantz:
Some people miss the chaos so that's wonderful to hear.  Thanks for sharing such good (if bitter-sweet) news.  Long may you enjoy this peaceful time.
R

lynn:
Hurray! Good for you!  I bet the calm was wonderful.  Peaceful thoughts go out to you today.
lynn

write:
thanks.

It is good to just 'be'.

One thing I definitely decided- no more caretaking others, only equal reciprocal relationships from now on.

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