noob glad to be here

[Amy]

HI, I'm new to this board and I'm so glad I found it.

For so long, I thought our family problems came from Alcoholism, or from sexual abuse, or from plain old neglect.  Nope.  Both my parents are Ns.  And neither one has ever had any interest in me.

I've read through so many of your posts and comments and cried a lot, have you all been reading my mail?

I am straining towards recovery, hoping to be happy and able to love myself.

I look forward to learning from your experience and giving back when I have some myself.

[James73]

Hey Amy, nice to meet you, Im sorry to here that your parents are N's but I am very happy that you are here as you will definately find help and understanding from lots of lovely kind people. What you say reminds me of a girl I used to know, a friend of a friend who I also became friends with. Her parents were awful to her and she turned to drugs and self abuse (im not inferring youve truned to drugs by the way  ), it makes me angry now that I know about N's that I never did anything much to help her, I didnt speak out against her mother when I should have and for that I am ashamed. She was the sweetest girl just wanting some love from her parents and they spurned her badly.
With the help of this board and your own inner strength of which im sure you have loads of to reach here I know you are on the right road to real happiness in your life.
In strong support and friendship
James

[isittoolate]

Welcome Amy


Yes! I was reading your mail! and am having the same struggles....just to love myself....to think positivel....leave all negativity behind.... and doing that means leaving 1 brother, 3 sisters, 1 daughter and 3 grandchildren.

I think that is the only way I can get into a postive frame of mind for my few remaining years--

(oh yes am 68 and been through and N father,  an N sister, my daughter's N husband (now divorced) and then....after all that...an N of my very own who I left 5 years ago... anad then now know that I have made some terrible choices and have a lot of work to do.

Welcome again

I am sorry about your having N parents.

There are more Ns in the world than people know about and if they don't understand an N, they will never recognize one!

later'gater
Izzy

[Stormchild]

Welcome, Amy!

Glad you found us...

[Amy]

Thanks, guys.

I came back to my family's home town almost a year ago.  I needed to get out of the big (expensive) city and I knew there was stuff I needed to work on in myself.

I have felt strongly for a long time that I can't move on in my life until I face the ugliness of my own family history.

Being here has taken all my buried hurts and lonliness and put them right in my face as if to dare me to deal with it.  Sort of like boot camp for wounded souls.

I want to feel like I have a place on this earth, that I don't have to justify taking up air.

I want to feel valuable, useful, worthwhile.  Intellectually I know these things, but deep down theres my Mother's voice, telling me I'm not worth her time.

There, hows that for a rant?

[teartracks]

Hi Amy,

Pleased to meet you here!

tt

[WRITE]

Welcome Amy! Glad you're here.

I want to feel valuable, useful, worthwhile.  Intellectually I know these things, but deep down theres my Mother's voice, telling me I'm not worth her time.

that's a tough one, disconnecting from the early survival instincts of pleasing our mothers....

even now I still drop back into a pattern of pleasing....who? if not my mother....

[Hopalong]

Welcome, Amy.

I'm glad you're going to learn to mother yourself...

Hops

[JanetLG]

Hello Amy,

You don't have to justify taking up air. If your mother didn't value you (I had that, too), then get validation form the great people on this site, who all know how it feels to be on the receiving end of an N. The journey's hard, but not impossible, and you'll get brilliant coping ideas and *loads* of support!

Janet