Thanks, guys.
I came back to my family's home town almost a year ago. I needed to get out of the big (expensive) city and I knew there was stuff I needed to work on in myself.
I have felt strongly for a long time that I can't move on in my life until I face the ugliness of my own family history.
Being here has taken all my buried hurts and lonliness and put them right in my face as if to dare me to deal with it. Sort of like boot camp for wounded souls.
I want to feel like I have a place on this earth, that I don't have to justify taking up air.
I want to feel valuable, useful, worthwhile. Intellectually I know these things, but deep down theres my Mother's voice, telling me I'm not worth her time.
There, hows that for a rant?