Narcissism

[lighter]

How do N's respond to being well and truly dumped by Secondary N supply?

[Ami]

I don't understand what you mean by "being well?' I can't grasp the question.       Amo

[mudpuppy]

Hi Ami,

I think lighter is using the phrase "well and truly" as in 'completely' or 'thoroughly'.

mud

[James73]

I went for the last one, but isnt that a bit insulting to rats? some rats can be quite sweet and cuddly compared to most N's even rats that live in the sewer and eat their own doo doo! 

[sweetgrass]

what are the textbook answers to the question? I think it depends on how severely his/her
problem really is??

Sweetgrass

[reallyME]

I chose the "scared and living like rats" one, since:

#1  I've lived it.

#2  Several of the ones could have been chosen, in which the N treated the victim as a supply source, till a new one came along.  As long as they have SOMEONE, they will simply

a.) rub the old supplier's nose in the fact that they never COULD have been as good as the new supplier is, and of course "it's best that we found this out now rather than continue on in a relationship that would have been a lie, right?"

b.) move on with the new supplier quite undaunted by the old person, and having "put that all in my past."

c.)  just plain really don't give the old supplier another thought, maybe as long as they live, since this might just cause something N can't handle...GUILT and REFLECTION ON THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR TOWARD THE OLD SUPPLIER...yipes...can't have THAT now, can we?

[Hopalong]

I chose "several of the above but they'll be fine" because in my experience, it's true.

Most of the Ns I have known are just continuing to skate right along with the same behaviors and no reckoning.

That is a part of reality I have accepted now. That there is no guaranteed justice. Injustice is wrong but it is real.

Hops

[reallyME]

Hoppies,

You are so right, and, it still amazes me to this day, how a person can wound another, think nothing of it, not give a second thought to how the other person must feel, where it left them at in their life, or maybe even reconciling with them at some point.  I just don't conceive of such self-centeredness...and then, of course, seeing the one they deserted as the one who victimized THEM.  UNREAL.

~L

[Confounded]

How do N's respond to being well and truly dumped by their victims?

I agree with all of the following, but voted for ***

They don't care who provides the thrills, once IT is replaced the old source is forgotten completely  4 (21.1%) ***

Owning victims is nothing more than doing pushups, when one leaves another takes its place  0 (0%)

They aren't much affected by the comings and going of victims, as long as there are victims in the pipeline, life is good, the game is on  0 (0%)

Several of the above but they'll be fine  1 (5.3%)

Several of the above but they'll always be scared and living like rats  9 (47.4%)

The closest thing I've seen to a moment of self-examination was far from it.  H described something to me about the fact that he did not cry at his first wife's funeral... He seemed to think that others thought that was odd...  I am the replacement supply.  If I died, I am certain that he would not shed a tear.  If I dumped him, he  would say that our differences were entirely due to my problems, and I think that he would actually believe it, to the extent that denial equals belief.  He would focus only on replacing me, with someone who wouldn't "give him a hard time."

[McGirl]

Reallyme,

What you said I so agree with! I am living it! My N-ex(soon to be) treats me like I stepped all over him. He goes to great lengths to be the victim.I guess I should stop trying to figure it out, because it takes up a lot of my brain time, and he really isn't the one I want to be thinkin' about!

Thanks for saying that, I feel better knowing others have felt the same.

McGirl

[lighter]

McGirl:

I'm amazed at how well they can present themselves as victim.

I'm tyring to figure out if they lie so well bc they actually believe the lies (pathological) or if they simply lie so well bc they don't have any guilt and it suits them? 

At some point, I won't care or the lies will catch up.  Hopefull, both.

<whew>  Just so glad I don't have to figure it out.  His problem, not mine.   

[tayana]

I voted for As long as they are the victim they'll be fine, because that's my mom.  Always the victim.

[mudpuppy]

Hops,

That is a part of reality I have accepted now. That there is no guaranteed justice.

Just one of the hazards of being a universalist, I guess.

mud

[Hopalong]

Doesn't feel like a hazard, Mud...

I believe in fighting for justice for people in this life. That's what's noble about law, not that it works all the time. But its intent is noble.

I don't believe you can get justice for a personality disorder that has harmed you.
Not legal justice, anyway. It's why life is unfair. And why luck means a lot too.

The only personal, moral justice is apt to be forgiveness, as I understand it.
When I get there, and it's really released, I feel I've gained, rather than just gotten rid of.

(But anyone who has vengeance fantasies about an N, been there, done that, my sympathies!)

Hops

[teartracks]

Sweetgrass,

Text book.  Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing for narcissism.  But then, I've read and come to understand an awful lot about it either from walking through certain experiences or studying those of others.

How are you doing?

tt