Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
Portia:
CG is busy so I might get a word in….
--- Quote ---she’s gotten used to the poison in her system and she won’t go to the hospital. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. So what do I do? Sit here and watch her die? It’s all I can do, and it sucks.
--- End quote ---
And look there’s Wildflower watching her mother die. Wildflower is so sad, feels so much pain, what can I do? Can I help WF? Or do I have to watch her from a distance and feel upset for her but cannot go and say “stop it, look, you’re dying too if you sit and watch your mother die”?
Hey Wildflower! There’s more to life! Come over here and join my picnic! Maybe if your mother sees you having fun with me, maybe we’ll get her curious about the life that’s out here? Maybe not, but I can’t just sit and watch you sitting and watching…and if you can’t join me WF? Oh that would make me sad…but I guess someone has to break the chain, and it may as well be me. I won't watch you watching your mother. I'll look away, towards life, I guess.
{Edit: CG you just bought the 4 agreements to the top again and I tell you every time I see them I go into panic: what have I done? Ha ha - I can't get the hang of 'nothing anyone does is because of you': I have the original sin, it's gotta be me that's been the bad girl! Sounds very N too. I'm getting a huge deja vu about all this....anyway, er, hope you didn't mind me butt-ski-ing in here? I got this picture of a big green field with WF sitting in it, watching her mom, then there's me watching her and then a long line of women all sitting but not looking at each other, one looking to another, to another, get the image? And thinking about my ending above, I guess an alternative is to go up to her and stare her in the eyes? Put myself in her line of vision? What would you do in the picture?}
Wildflower:
Hi Portia,
Just a quickie for now. In looking over my last post on this thread, I realized how many sad faces there were, and it’s true…sad stuff. But I felt/feel calm and quiet. Sad about mom. Sad that I’m gonna have to throw in the towel. But you know what?
--- Quote ---Hey Wildflower! There’s more to life! Come over here and join my picnic!
--- End quote ---
I’m coming – and I’d love to join your picnic!! :D :D Just kinda letting out a few last sighs I guess, but I’m breaking this chain! :!: That was an amazing image of a line of women all looking at each other from a distance but not really looking at each other. So dead-on when you think about generations of women trying to break free.
--- Quote ---Maybe if your mother sees you having fun with me, maybe we’ll get her curious about the life that’s out here?
--- End quote ---
I so hadn’t thought of it that way, so thanks a million!! :D :D Maybe I can slip invitations under her door every now and then. No hopes of reply, but if she feels like coming out, the more power to her. And maybe a few pictures from the big world outside. Have you ever seen Amelie? I’m thinking of the gnome pictures she sent to her dad. :D :D
I’m gonna answer your question from the other thread and then it’s back to the grindstone for me. :roll:
Be back later to talk to you and CG. :D
(((((big hugs)))))
Wildflower
rosencrantz:
Just thought I'd stretch my limbs a little, take a little wander around. Hey - aren't you guys doing great things here!!! I should think RG is feeling like a hig in clover seeing all this great work being done and new pastures being found, new perspectives. Some beautiful things up there.
The gift, yes - maybe from a higher power, but maybe from the parent - even if they didn't realise what they were doing, what the gift was, even if they weren't capable of wrapping it up and actually handing it over. Doesn't matter. It's their gift to you. All that sobbing, too - it's so healthy!!! Getting rid of all the stuff that's been lying in wait to create health havoc. Exhausting tho.
And isn't that brilliant, where you got to feeling OK to 'be', OK to just exist.. :idea: as a wildflower in/on the grass!! :D
--- Quote ---That’s what I’ve been trying to do for so long, but I can’t do it anymore.
--- End quote ---
Amen to that!
Makes note to self : R can't do it any more either!! And that seems OK. I'll leave her to live as much or as little life as she wants and put MY values up on a board somewhere and every time HER values pop up into my field of vision, I'll just remember my own (eg I wouldn't expect to drag anyone else into my messes and I most definitely wouldn't want my child in there with me, no sirree!! Also, the helping hand is not there to be bitten. And a few others on similar lines.)
WF : Watching her??
I'm not going to watch mine die - that makes me her prisoner and a victim and it stops me living my life (Ha! I finally got that one under my belt then!). I'm not sure if completely ignoring her is an option tho I'm sure in healthy families it must be (but healthy families probably wouldn't have to deal with that issue!)...
Portia : Not watching her? What's the alternative?
OK - what about if we all look at (turn and smile at) each other instead of our mothers!!! Each from our own corners ('work to do, lives to live'). I dunno - I'm getting an image of some kind of circle dance, clasping hands, turning, crossing, turning again. Hi again! Perhaps that's what we're doing already...
Portia :!: (emoticon for 'the spotlight just zeroed in on you'! :lol:) Did you see what you wrote :shock: :D (Just expressing a great wow of delight here!)
--- Quote ---I guess an alternative is to go up to her and stare her in the eyes? Put myself in her line of vision?
--- End quote ---
Did you 'get it' when you wrote it???
Did you wonder why you would want to do that - or did you know why???
CG : I've received so much from you - support, ideas, humour. And every time I try to reach you, I seem to miss, just minutely, but I miss. :?: Maybe it's just me thinking I missed or feeling my thoughts just aren't good enough. You make the worst moments seem so light-hearted, a great yarn. If I didn't know (you) better, I'd say it was a gift, too. But it's a gift that keeps so much hidden away. You save other people from experiencing your pain, don't you. Why is that? Did you protect your mom from your pain??? :lol: I could listen to you all day. But I'm not sure I should otherwise I'll just be a passenger. Mind you, if you're the driver, I'm not quite sure what's left!! :wink: :lol: Yeah, well. I probably just 'missed' again - by a mile! <Rueful smile>
R
rosencrantz:
PS Hi Wildflower - I just noticed you posted while I was thinking and writing. Perhaps my post has become irrelevant and inconsequential. I 'hate it' when that happens. 'Feelings' pah - they make life sooo difficult. But I won't be sad, mad or bad (or embarrassed). I'll just try to 'let it be'.
Oh, botherate - it's my 'lot' to watch everyone else from a distance...more 'work'.
R
Wildflower:
Hi Rosencrantz,
Glad you wandered over. :D Me, I’m just sitting here in the fields Portia made, looking up at the sky. Wanna have a sit? Regain our strengths - facing each other? I think I’m just as wiped out as you are!
--- Quote ---And isn't that brilliant, where you got to feeling OK to 'be', OK to just exist.. as a wildflower in/on the grass!!
--- End quote ---
That was such a great observation! I didn’t see it when I wrote, but how funny is that? I’m living up to my online name, huh?
--- Quote ---Makes note to self : R can't do it any more either!! And that seems OK. I'll leave her to live as much or as little life as she wants and put MY values up on a board somewhere and every time HER values pop up into my field of vision, I'll just remember my own.
--- End quote ---
Great!!! Wahooooooo!!! Wanna start a ‘can’t do it anymore’ club? :D :D :D
Hi Portia,
--- Quote ---I can't get the hang of 'nothing anyone does is because of you': I have the original sin, it's gotta be me that's been the bad girl!
--- End quote ---
Me, too. Leaving that agreement for last. I have moments of remembering it’s not about me, but it’s so much easier to ask questions (don’t make assumptions) and get my words right (be impeccable). Do you think maybe that’s because we were taught that it was our fault? It was all about us when things were bad (not when things were good, of course….no, no :roll: )?
Hi CG,
--- Quote ---The more you learn about worry and stress the more you learn about the adverse effects on our health. That's why in the end it's often not an option anymore to detach emotionally from certain people! It becomes essential if we are to survive.
--- End quote ---
That’s it, isn’t it? This is about detaching emotionally, and no, it’s not an option anymore when health becomes an issue. It’s not about saying, “See ya, hope it all works out, ma” – unless I can’t be around her and stay detached. Boy is this detaching hard, though, and I want to thank RG for putting up this board and everyone else here for allowing me to do that here - out loud.
--- Quote ---Don't ya hate common old cliche's, but the reason they become cliche's is that they are huge truths or paradigms packaged in very neat short sentences.
--- End quote ---
Honest? I love clichés because of that. To me, they reinforce the idea that there are some things we all share as humans. When you don't understand a cliche and it's used to answer (silence) questions, that’s when clichés are annoying. You simply can’t ‘get’ a cliché until you ‘get’ all those truths or paradigms packed into them. Reminds me of your teacher stories (do you think she’s still wearing those outfits?).
--- Quote ---Because this place here seems to be the appropriate place to be self-centred. Otherwise we're just here being bums on seats, not getting anywhere or dealing with the issues that bought us here, so that we can solve our problems, and hopefully go back out into the big wide real world a bit healthier and more balanced each time. I sure know I didn't come here not to focus on my messed up self, and I have to be self-centred here to do that. So come on everybody, let's sit here and talk about me for a while. hahahahahahahahahaha.
--- End quote ---
I’m sittiin’….go ahead :D :D :D.
(((((three big HIGS for three big voices)))))
Wildflower
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