Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
rosencrantz:
Sure, I'm 'in' for the picnic - please! Are we still going fishin? I've got my fishing net here for catching sticklebacks and a jamjar to put them in. Shall I bring the wine? I've got an amazing white Zinfandel that's actually pink! And it's already plenty cold enough to drink right now. And look, I've been stocking up - a bottle EACH!!! It's just sooo drinkable!
Ratty and Mole and Badger and Otter just messing along the river.
Up tails all!
R
PS Does Wind in the Willows cross cultures???
Anonymous:
HI guys, I've got my pole out and nearly ready to join ya'.
Peekin' in gettin' a break from too much work I've let pile up. Nearly finished thank goodness, only a few more days to go. Promised myself I would finish the backlog before I went back to indulging myself here. My self-control is being challeneged though. I find myself dying to peek in.
Had friends over for a huge dinner a ouple of nights ago, 'cause I felt like cookin' up a storm. It was magnifico'. But halfway through the cat ran away, when one of the guests left the door open. Had to keep a brave face throughout the dinner, and my poor kids were so distressed. After everyone left I printed off 20 huge posters offering a reward and printed a whole bunch of handouts. Next morning, early, we door knocked every house for 3 blocks, with these handouts. I didn't have a photo. Finished all that, went home, burnt a candle for Tom, knowing he would have had the scariest night of his life, and prayed to the cat spirits to protect him, dog spirits to leave him alone, car spirits to miss him (images of roadkill loomed large in my brain cause he's never been outside before). Then 2o hours later we hear meow outside the bathroom window. We all flew to the back door and opened it and he flew inside.
I think he was off shaggin' cause he's been howling at the back door ever since he got home. He doesn't realise we had his 'currency' removed, although he's still got the purse they came in.
So I'm back!!!! Sorry I've missed a bit, and will catch up. I had to post though because I know if it were one of you guys, Wildflower, Rosencrantz or Portia, I'd probably be racked with anxiety and guilt, immediately going to "Oh, I hope it wasn't something I said". So this post is really to say if anyone has gone there, the answer is "No, absolutely not". And if you haven't gone there, good, it's just my inflated N ego assuming a level of importance I really don't have. DAMN and double damn. !!!!!!!!!! :D HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D
It's just been a really hectic time, alone doing yukky isolated boolwork, and to top it off I've found a couple of funny transcations on an Amex statement, and I've discoverd I've got a couple of big important receipts missing, blaah blaah blaah blaaah blaah!!!! That's what happens when you let it go, and don't keep on top of it though.
So, anyway, I'm nearly there, and I'll be back :D .
CG
rosencrantz:
--- Quote ---And if you haven't gone there, good, it's just my inflated N ego assuming a level of importance I really don't have. DAMN and double damn. !!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
--- End quote ---
Love it! And guess how I felt, when I slunk over here to say 'sorry not contributing but I'll be back' and then LATER discovered I'd written right after you've put out your ad!! Groan - I felt soooo stoopid. What if they thought....oh, I sound so self-important...etc.
But I learnt summat!
Intention is all!!!!!
I may often feel frightened about something I've written, or teeter on the brink of shame, but it's how you guys respond that makes me feel OK.
Now, that's not right (in my mind) to depend so much on how others perceive me as to whether or not I feel OK about myself.
So the word integrity pops into my mind. If I INTEND something then that's what matters most. And it doesn't matter how someone else takes it or the context I end up in.
The context changes all the time here on this forum - posts get added here, there, everywhere - but my intention and the context in which I INTENDED my post to arrive is 'here' inside me at the time I 'intended' it. And that doesn't change.
I guess it's linked to that 'I define me and not somebody else's distorted lens'. Somebody else's lens may be distorted (like my mother) and that's a mental health issue!! But other people's lenses may have been 'distorted' (ie changed, not really 'distorted' like my mother) by circumstances, different priorities, different VALUES!, different information that I don't have access to, and thus they may misunderstand my intention.
But I don't have to be paranoid about it!!!!!!!
If they tell me what they think then I get a chance to 'put them right', let them know what my intention was. Healthy, mature people will accept the different perspective, different CONTEXT. Others may not be able to. But I can still be strong in my INTENTION!!! (Mother, this is where youre mental health issue had damaged me!)
If they don't tell me what they think but start to act funny about it or towards me, then I can still be strong in my INTENTION and I can find some way of finding out what they are thinking or knowing that has led them to 'act funny'.
You know, I think I did used to do that but people would act even more funny towards me and I'd end up so distressed inside I just couldn't 'cope'. But now I know about the distorted lens, I won't (?) get that kind of distress and I'll be able to understand that they are feeling 'under the microscope' and trying to get me away from them.
I have been so stoopid to think that the rest of the world understands themselves and WANTS to talk to me about what's really 'going on' underneath. Really, really stoopid.
Thanks to you guys for talking to me!!!!!
R
Portia:
Good day to you Lady Muskateers! R, just picked up your ref to:
--- Quote ---Portia (emoticon for 'the spotlight just zeroed in on you'! ) Did you see what you wrote (Just expressing a great wow of delight here!)
Quote: I guess an alternative is to go up to her and stare her in the eyes? Put myself in her line of vision?
Did you 'get it' when you wrote it???
Did you wonder why you would want to do that - or did you know why???
--- End quote ---
Ummmm! I was going to get in Wildflower's line of vision and stare in her eyes...is that what you thought I meant?
Wildflower:
Hi CG,
Poor Tom!! :shock: I’m so glad he found his way back home (after his oat sowing adventures). Hmmm. Maybe not poor Tom. :lol: Poor kids!! In any case, whew! :D
Good luck getting through those mounds o’ paperwork. :D
Hi R,
--- Quote ---I may often feel frightened about something I've written, or teeter on the brink of shame, but it's how you guys respond that makes me feel OK.
Now, that's not right (in my mind) to depend so much on how others perceive me as to whether or not I feel OK about myself.
So the word integrity pops into my mind. If I INTEND something then that's what matters most. And it doesn't matter how someone else takes it or the context I end up in.
--- End quote ---
This reminds me of an issue I’ve been struggling to get under my belt for a little while. Maybe it’s related to what you’re saying? Not sure.
It’s so true that you can’t control how others will interpret your writings, so yes, yes, yes, it’s important to be able feel OK about your actions. Sometimes it’s a matter of having a chance to explain yourself if someone misunderstands you, but sometimes it’s a matter of doing things that make you feel comfortable.
I used to do many things that made me feel uncomfortable (bad habits I’d gotten into, ways of interacting with my parent extending out into the rest of the world), but I’ve learned/am learning to identify those actions so that I can have a little more control over how a situation will make me feel. This allows me to say, “Well, I did that because that’s who I am and I was being the best person I could be in that situation. If I goofed, I know that I’ll be able to honestly say that I did the best I could – and then apologize. And learn.” Whap. Anxiety gone. I can make mistakes, but it helps if I don’t walk into things that immediately make me uncomfortable. Like losing my patience at the office, or being late, or….
Part being impeccable, part being your best. :D :D
And yes, we read Wind and the Willows over here in the US. It happens that I didn’t (I was busy reading everything I could get my hands on by Madeleine L’Engle), but I intend to read it some day. :D :D
Hi Portia,
In terms of rescuing this mother-watcher, I probably would have snapped out of it eventually, but you reminded me that in watching her, I was risking getting sick again instead of healing. I was planning to allow myself to grieve a little bit over ‘losing’ her, but I can do that elsewhere - in life. So thanks for pointing that out. I heard and saw you. :D :D
Off to work….
Wildflower
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