Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
rosencrantz:
Nooo - white spot means you don't exist. Nowhere on the horizon. Maybe somewhere about the height of a worm. But not in his line of vision. No way. Gone. Pouf! :D
R
Portia:
Wow! I could never do that to anyone! I'm not capable of that. Now that is self-belief. Respect to the H! :) P
rosencrantz:
Yeah! He's a lot more Emotionally Intelligent than I am - but he's a T so he keeps his brain in gear!!!!! A willow that always bends to my oak that never bends. The oil vs the grit that keep the wheels turning. He's shown me a lot but I just can't bend and I just have to provide the grit for everyone to rub up against!!! Sigh! I'm really not going to change, am I!!! Yes I am! :idea: I'm going to respect what makes ME different! And ENJOY it!????!
R
Wildflower:
Hi Guest,
I'm so glad you found the conversations between R and me helpful. :D That really means a lot to me. :D
--- Quote ---But it's not the real me, it's my protective shell, my survival facade that I made as a kid and it's impenetrable and it's alive. I had to make it to hide behind or I'd have died from all the fighting, screaming, bashings and expectations. And now I've been wearing it for so long, it's become tight, uncomfortable, infact, it's beginning to constrict me. It's such a tough call because without it on I feel so naked and vulnerable.
I know in this suit I'm safe, that no-one can know me or touch me, and I can't know or touch anyone else. And that also makes me feel very lonely. I don't want to be seperated and hidden from the world forever. I think the time is coming soon when I'm going to have to take this suit off and pack it away. I'm so sad about this in some ways, because it's become so much a part of me and saved me so many times. But if I keep hiding in it I'm afraid I'll never be able to get it off.
--- End quote ---
I can really relate to this on so many levels. Two things you said resonated really deeply with me, too. Your 'suit' was alive, and since it was such a part of you and stuck up for you for so many years, you're sad to put it away and move on. Is it possible that your suit is a person instead of cold armour? I know mine is. She worked so hard and sacrificed so much to get me here. I want to hug her until she stops hurting and can relax and become a part of me. Whole. Together. :D
Do I suffer from multiple personality disorder? Perhaps. :lol: But at least those personalities are finally working together :D .
--- Quote ---Am I game to be who I secretly suspect I am? I get glimpses of the real me at times. I hear my real voice sometimes
--- End quote ---
Believe, trust, and follow that voice whenever you can. I have no doubt it will lead you to happiness. :D
Wildflower
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---I think your mother and Portia's mother should be put on the end of the same phone line. I think they'd be happy for days just talking away. (OK on that, Portia?!)
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---Wildflower, you want to give your mother the phone number for mine? Any time. Though the calls will be expensive! Good idea R.
--- End quote ---
OMG that's such a good idea!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Maybe they could even set some kind of world record, too. :roll: :D
And to both of you, thanks for the bit about my mom being plain and simple IRRESPONSIBLE! She so is. And you know what? After all the defense mechanisms she's built up dealing with her mother and avoiding reality, how does it work that I'm able to get through to her and hurt her? Huh? That makes ZERO sense. :roll:
Ahhhh. You live and learn (soooooooooo much on this board). :D
Wildflower
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