Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
healing
Wildflower:
--- Quote ---But I see you struggling with your very identity.
--- End quote ---
I just wanted to take a minute and say, yes, this is true. But it’s more like I’m struggling to allow my identity to form, because I remember who I was before the world as I knew it came to an end. I'm the little girl who lined people up on the playground to go through a 'tickle machine'. I'm the little girl who said it was time to play ‘girls chase boys’ instead of ‘boys chase girls’ because it wasn’t fair that boys got to do all the chasing. I'm the little girl who would have no problem whatsoever giving you a long lecture about treating people equally. I could go on, but the point is that there are so many things I love about this little girl. :D But for a long time, I just couldn’t hear her through the pain and the lies.
And she’s been growing up over the years – because I’ve been letting her be a child. I really don’t get how this works without involving people chasing me down the street with a straight jacket :lol: , but for her, I’ve been able to be the parent I couldn’t be for my mother. And that my mother couldn’t be for me. And watching this girl grow up has been so full of surprises. Would you believe there was actually a cheerleader phase?!? :shock: In spite of all the feminism and cultured upbringing and whatnot (shaking my head emoticon). Cheerleading!!! :lol: Of course, there weren’t many squads that wanted someone my age :D , so it was more of a fun exercise in making my friends wonder whether or not I was really being serious. But it was fun! :D
All my best,
Wildflower
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Wildflower ---
--- Quote ---I really don’t get how this works without involving people chasing me down the street with a straight jacket :lol:
Would you believe there was actually a cheerleader phase?!? :shock: In spite of all the feminism and cultured upbringing and whatnot (shaking my head emoticon). Cheerleading!!! :lol: Of course, there weren’t many squads that wanted someone my age :D , so it was more of a fun exercise in making my friends wonder whether or not I was really being serious. But it was fun! :D
All my best,
Wildflower
--- End quote ---
That line about the straight jacket is so funny, but it's so true. I tend to fantasise a lot about the past. I think memory and imagination are very similar. So when I think about the past I'm never 100% if it all did actually happen the way I think it did. I try so very hard to stick with the facts when I'm writing them down, but sometimes I'm so unsure.
At the moment I'm working on a story about a psychic I met, and as a result a string of experiences that actually happened to me 2 years ago.
In doing that, I've realised how much memory can be affected and influenced by our values. And how values drive our imagination. When I read you sharing your stories, I also see you recognise that your imagination is a vital part of the healing process. I think this is such a brave thing to do. Especially in light of the straightjacket imagery. That is hilarious really. I've kept many thoughts and stories secret for fear of the same thing. I guess fiction could be could therapy for that.
And the cheerleading thing, priceless. I've done similar things with and to my family, gone through so many stages in my search for me. Once I went mad and renovated and decorated, with this theme, everything in the house had to be white. And I mean everything. It was all so, so white! And so bloody hard to find anything. When the morning sun blasted into the loungeroom and kitchen from about 6am till 9am , the glare bouncing off everything was unimaginabley cruel. It would cause permanent retina damage if you weren't prepared. We all had to get around in sunglasses first thing or with our hands up like someone shielding their face from a blast.
And I get such a laugh now when I think of that. Thanks Wildflower for opening up and showing me how it's done, and that really it's not as bad as my imagination would have me believe.
Guest.
--- End quote ---
Wildflower:
Hi Guest,
I should be sleeping now but I read your reply and you got me laughing so hard again. :lol: :lol: :lol: I LOVE this. :D
--- Quote ---Once I went mad and renovated and decorated, with this theme, everything in the house had to be white. And I mean everything. It was all so, so white! And so bloody hard to find anything. When the morning sun blasted into the loungeroom and kitchen from about 6am till 9am , the glare bouncing off everything was unimaginabley cruel. It would cause permanent retina damage if you weren't prepared. We all had to get around in sunglasses first thing or with our hands up like someone shielding their face from a blast.
--- End quote ---
I can’t quite put my finger on what’s so wonderful about your style of humor, but it’s great. I had a friend in college who I adored for so many reasons but there are two that really stand out. He was a year older and I was living in the room he’d had the year before, and one day I pulled down one of the blinds we’d never used before and there was this fantastic stylized cat on the blind. It was such a treat to find. And his manner of speech was so wonderfully fresh – I really never knew what he was going to say next, but everything he said made me look at the world a little differently. I tried to tell him how much I adored these qualities in him by saying “you’re so RANDOM”. He wasn’t pleased. :oops: :roll: So, I don’t want to risk doing that to you here, but thank you thank you thank you for sharing that! :D
And thanks for understanding where I was coming from instead of calling the funny farm on me. :D
Wildflower
Portia:
Now I’m enjoying reading Wildflower and Guest. More please! I agree Wildflower, Guest’s sense of humour makes me laugh out loud (I love the chicken house story on the other what helps? Board, the image of chickens falling off their perches in shock, love it!).
You keep showing more of yourself Wildflower and I’m being amazed by your huge and varied personality. Blossoming on the board (that wasn’t meant as a pun). Really! Don’t mean to be patronising or flattering…(text deleted here about IQ, EQ and society’s view of crazy, sparked by your straightjacket comment but decided not to go there, ok?)
--- Quote ---I think memory and imagination are very similar. So when I think about the past I'm never 100% if it all did actually happen the way I think it did. I try so very hard to stick with the facts when I'm writing them down, but sometimes I'm so unsure
--- End quote ---
Ah Guest, did it really happen or did it happen in a dream? Sometimes I have no idea. And the facts! I guess things like dates, legal stuff, births and deaths are facts but not much else.
As R was saying abut introverts elsewhere, I need external validation, I do not trust the values I have placed on memories any more. That’s why talking on this board is tricky in terms of drawing conclusions – it’s my take, my values, my memories.
--- Quote ---how much memory can be affected and influenced by our values. And how values drive our imagination
--- End quote ---
Yes, like I remember that event, I did that. Why did I do that? Ahh, because I wanted to get away, I was unhappy (No, because you wanted to rebel and have fun). Not sure.
People used to listen to me talk (teens, early 20s), smile and say “you’re crazy!” I guess meaning ‘what odd thoughts’ but I can say now, it was both flattering to my mind and I also wanted to punch those people for making me wonder if it was true. Crowds, lynch mobs, lunch mobs in the workplace. Sorry, darkness, back to you quick! P
PS. Here’s weird one on facts/experience/immediate memory. Going to bed the other night, OH puts radio on and there’s some silly song being sung on some comedy prog. I hear him sing along a line. I go into the bedroom and after a pause he says “so you know that song too?”. “Eh?” I say. He says “Weren’t you just singing it?” Me: “No, that was you singing!” Both of us: “Yikes!” (I think he had a conversation with me in his mind and took it as real – bit like thinking you’ve woken up, got out of bed, brushed your teeth…and then you wake up.) Odd chap, the brain.
Was it here or elsewhere? “You’re just jealous because the voices aren’t talking to you!”
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: Wildflower ---
--- Quote ---But I see you struggling with your very identity.
--- End quote ---
I just wanted to take a minute and say, yes, this is true. But it’s more like I’m struggling to allow my identity to form, because I remember who I was before the world as I knew it came to an end
All my best,
Wildflower
--- End quote ---
Hi Wildflower, when the world as you knew it came to an end, was it a particular catastropic event, a ground zero experience. Or was it a major internal reality moment that hit after years of unrecognised degradation.
Guest
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