depersonalization

[elculbr]

My therapist suggested that I might have depersonalization disorder. I looked it up and it results specifically from childhood emotional abuse, from being invalidated...often.

I think that this info is valuable to those on this board who grew u with N parents:

 Depersonalization disorder is marked by periods of feeling disconnected or detached from one’s body and thoughts (depersonalization). The disorder is sometimes described as feeling like you are observing yourself from outside your body or like being in a dream. However, people with this disorder do not lose contact with reality; they realize that things are not as they appear. An episode of depersonalization can last anywhere from a few minutes to many years. Depersonalization also might be a symptom of other disorders, including brain disease and seizure disorders.

Depersonalization disorder is one of a group of conditions called dissociative disorders. Dissociative disorders are mental illnesses that involve disruptions or breakdowns of memory, consciousness or awareness, identity and/or perception—mental functions that normally operate smoothly. When one or more of these functions is disrupted, symptoms can result. These symptoms can interfere with a person’s general functioning, including social and work activities, and relationships.

What are the symptoms of depersonalization disorder?
The primary symptom of depersonalization disorder is a distorted perception of the body. The person might feel like he or she is a robot or in a dream. Some people might fear they are going crazy and might become depressed, anxious, or panicky. For some people, the symptoms are mild and last for just a short time. For others, however, symptoms can be chronic (ongoing) and last or recur for many years, leading to problems with daily functioning or even to disability.

-some site..

[isittoolate]

Hello el

I have known about this and there is a disconnnectedness that I had for 68 years.

I suspect that when I was little and beaten by my father, I put the pain and humiliation away somewhere. I also put away the ridicule, the taunting, the humiliation, the being excluded that came to me by my siblings.

I went into survival mode and contined to tuck away the hurts, even the physic/emotionall with the car crash that dialed me, and I think my siblings were wondering who would  have to take me in. Nobody! I am still on my own and expect to remain so.

I am in therapy now, trying to link thoughts with feelings.

Izzy

[dandylife]

I think I suffer from this, also. I think it is episodic for me. I think after an incident that triggers past abuse, I depersonalize and become a bit robotic and time passes very very fast. Like on a day at work that you are very busy and you look at the clock and it's time to go home already. It takes a deep deep empathetic incident to make me return. When I can feel for someone else, then I begin to feel my feelings again.

I had post-partum depression very bad with my youngest. He didn't sleep for more than 2 1/2 hours at a time for 15 months. I had NO help from my NH. I slept hardly at all, went into depersonalization mode and was a total robot for that whole time. I thought I was going crazy. Had thoughts of suicide, the thought in my head most of the time was someone finding me dead in the shower having slit my wrists. I couldn't even escape in the little sleep I had as it was all nightmares.

Anyway, yes, abuse survivors tend to depersonalize to survive. It's a coping mechanism. My N sometimes describes me as "unflappable", "constant", "super-dependable", a "rock". I tend not to show feelings too often at all. Not that I don't have them, but I compartmentalize.

Dandylife

[teartracks]

Hi el,

Glad to receive the information you provided.   Sounds like you are gaining a lot of insight fast.  Sounds like you are able to process it fast.  You're one cool young woman.  Consider yourself admired and hugged by a non-threatening grandmaish lady.

tt

[Ami]

Dear El,
  I am coming out of "dissociation",now.( I don't go to therapists so nothing specific has been diagnosed). However, I have not felt"real" since age 14.
  As I face my pain, I get more real. However,it is so very hard to face.,but it is so,very well worth it.
  I think that people should have some kind of support when they go within and face the things that made them go in to denial . They became numb( dissociation) and went in to denial for very good reasons. I think that they will come out of it by facing the pain.                                      Love   Ami