Going back to tt's original post,
It seems to me things are a little more complicated than putting on a friendly and optimistic facade simply for the sake of deceiving others and social climbing. For many people social norms such as these are used as camoflage for destructive behavior and of course it does breed a certain callousness in that people are usually expected to present things as being fine even though they aren't. But social norms are seldom developed for the exceptions, they are usually developed for the general. And generally it would be most disquieting and lead to a great deal of harm for openess and absolute honesty to be dispensed with every handshake. The fact is it is usually quite a burden when someone unloads their grief, faults and complaints on another and it seems quite reasonable for a society to expect mere acquaintances to reserve unburdening themselves on each other.
TT questioned whether the ritual of putting on the pretense of 'all is well' hadn't any value. I shudder to think of a society in which that face is not put forward. Are there in fact any, save some tiny famiial tribe in tha Amazon somewhere? I believe it is not only good manners not to burden mere acquaintances with our problems it is also quite probably a defensive action to protect ourselves from giving potential predators information they can use to harm us. Not only that, but for the relatively genuine among us I suspect it is an attempt to project our ideal selves; what we strive for. Those who have integrity are not putting up a facade when they put their best foot forward, those without integrity will deceive no matter what the societal norms are, and would have even more power in a society where they were still free to conceal their weaknesses and faults but the less predatory weren't.
I believe this to be one of those norms which is criticized because it is abused but is far better than the alternative, because it puts a much needed restraint on that part of human nature that is best kept in check any way we can.
A facade of stoic endurance and exaggerated integrity encourages people to be self reliant and to use sparingly the emotional and material resources of others. It's certainly no panacea, in fact it's a compromise, but the alternative seems to me to lead inexorably to a stagnant, even more abusive and hopelessly vulnerable society.
mud
PS. Lighter, I agree with Stormy about why server boy took your fry. My first reaction when I read it was that he was protecting you from an unwanted advance not claiming you as his own. Not sure I would have done it that way myself unless they were nice fresh, parsley-garlic fries, but to each his own.
