Izzy

[gratitude28]

Izzy,
There is so much in this thread.
First, I think the email from your daughter shows that you two do have a nice, adult relationship. She sounds very honest with you and not as if she is avoiding anything (if that makes sense). Her email is open and friendly.
I am disappointed in your therapist. It seems she may have hit a wall with you and is either pushing you to want to go further, or doesn't want to figure out the key to make you open up. I am guessing you have given her signals that you are stubborn (wink, wink) and maybe she doesn't feel that she ca/wants to push you.
I am glad that you have found out that you are OK (we all knew that anyways )
Lots of love,
Beth

[lighter]

I feel like a phony!! an oddball, a robot,  a walking "time bomb"---should that cement shell break and all the feelings came spilling out, I might just go insane!

Love
Izzy

Perhaps, if those feelings ever did come spilling out..... you would go insane.  Then you'd feel better?  Just a thought. 

[isittoolate]

lighter

Was that post necessary?

Sarcasm at its best, I see.

[lighter]

lighter

Was that post necessary?

Sarcasm at its best, I see.

No sarcasm.  You may feel better if you can break through the shell and feel the feelings.  They're traumatic and you've developed defense mechanisms to keep you from feeling them.  You may lose your mind for a bit or just feel like you are but........ I think that goes for everyone in this situation.  Not just you. 

I would like you to feel better than "a phony, oddball, robot, a walking time bomb."   Breaking that shell and feeling those feelings, with a compassionate capable T, would be the safest way to get through it, IMO.

I do wish you recovery....... or what I refer to as....... a respite from the haunting.  Those feelings are haunting you.

[lighter]

I forgot to apologize to you, Izz. 

Sorry you thought I was being sarcastic. 

I'm dealing with my own struggles right now and have been less mindful, as of late.

[isittoolate]

Hi Lighter,

For the record, this was just a misunderstanding in my being assertive. I must stand up for myself, but be sure I do it for the right reason.
I understand and also ought to realize that some people post when in dire pain--I cannot do that. I have to wait until I am ready i.e. calm and cool and then it sounds like nothing is wrong
How crazy can it get?

Take care
Love
Izzy

[lighter]

Hi Lighter,

For the record, this was just a misunderstanding in my being assertive. I must stand up for myself, but be sure I do it for the right reason.
I understand and also ought to realize that some people post when in dire pain--I cannot do that. I have to wait until I am ready i.e. calm and cool and then it sounds like nothing is wrong
How crazy can it get?

Take care
Love
Izzy

You got an A in asserting yourself, lol.

In the future,  I think asking for clarification helps us figure out when and how to react appropriately. 

Nothing like asking someone "what are you trying to say?" or "what did you mean by that?" (in front of other people) to put them on the spot to explain or back down from what they said. 

It also gives you another minute, and more information, to think about how you're going to respond. 

If I can think for a minute, I can come up with a more creative or witty response that says what I want to say.  If I just react, without a moment to clear my head, I'm rarely pleased with how things go. 

I also don't want mean people to know they've upset me.  I don't want them to have that satisfaction. 

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
   have not heard from you. How about popping in and saying "hi"?                                   Love    Ami

[Overcomer]

I z:  Maybe it comes with age and maturity or maybe we learn from our mistakes but I am with you on that one.  To stay calm and think before you over react is a saving grace.  I have learned this with my oldest daughter who is exhibiting N tendencies.  I just know that if I say a snappy comeback It will turn into a fight and I just cannot in down that road.

[gratitude28]

Izzy and Lighter,
You are both my heroes of the week!!!! You defudsed a possible unpleasant situation and dealt with it so nicely!!!!!!!! Cheers!!!!!!!! I love seeing how we all get along here and the progress we make.
Hugs,
Beth

[isittoolate]

Thank you Ami
OC and
Beth

I am here, and yes, lighter and I settled that very quickly. A misinterpretation of words used.

I am working on my Belief System, and I see the Therapist today. I need her to help tell me what I believe--<grin>
Just like boundaries, which I hadn't HEARD of until a few years back re the N, I need a belief system in place. I have started a list  but don't want to mix "my attitude toward ? is ...."  in with beliefs.

I did a test on values, from the internet and had chosen 10 then went through the elimination process. I found I was choosing, when it came to the last one left & it didn't feel right, with "someone else's approval" in mind. I'm takiing that sheet with me today too.

I think she will be happy for me to say that I want very hard to not talk about those people, who I feel are toxic on some level. I've put her through hell with all the crap from  my life and I'm sure she gets the picture and now it's time to repair ME, with her knowing what happened.

Cheers and all the best
Izzy

[debkor]

Iz,

I feel like a phony!! an oddball, a robot,  a walking "time bomb"---should that cement shell break and all the feelings came spilling out, I might just go insane!

Nope, you wouldn't.  You would of just found where you put them.  Insane? No I don't think so.  Deal with it.  I believe so! 

Your the Iz inator!!!

Love
Deb

[lighter]

AHHHHHH I've written this post 3 times and it won't go through!