If any of you have read about the reason for which people gamble, it is becasue it is a variable response. If the response were fixed and you know that after certain amount of tokens you will get a price, it would not be addictive. But you are putting tokens and in 100,000 times you get one price, the solely idea of that one price keeps you going.
That is why we, children of N parents, are so confused, and propense to get addictions, games, drugs, or love, or victime role, etc, because we never knew what we were going to get from our caretakers, always a variable response.
And when one time they give us a little taste of that nurture that we desperately are looking for, we keep pressing on the lever until we are exhausted, until our emotions have no more tokens. Until we are nothing.
Variable response, that is why we cannot anticipate. I am sorry for my mom. She was the escape goat of her mother too. But I need to be sane. I will try to enjoy the last days that my mom is spending here with me, until next year she will be back if God allows, and I will be even healthier, she will be my little girl and I will give her a lolypop. I will never abandone her, anyway. Just keep her kind of a safe distance.
Like sharks, I admire sharks and I would help to protect them but will keep my distance from them. Just a safe distance, without abandoning her. She got what she wanted. But not all her way. Just in the middle. Hope that I am making sense.
My woulds got infected, I am taking antibiotics, but today my infected spot was much better, no draining, the doctor said I can go on the treadmill. I will go today to the gym and do treadmill. Walk will make me feel better.
Love to you all.
Thank you.
God bless you dear friends.