Sometimes I think about a few friends who seem to be "fair weather" and don't know what to do.
well we don't have to 'do' anything.
I am finding friendships go in cycles and even the most enlightened people are also human and will let me down or disappoint me sometimes. I think I am getting more resilient with that.
On the retreat one of the women- all these women are close friends of mine in different contexts, and some are close to each other, all get closer as the months continue- well she was complaining during the week about the lack of organisation and I discovered she is really anxious about not knowing exactly what will happen to her. She insisted on staying elsewhere in case our place was dirty ( it turned out to be fabulous, unlike the place she stayed instead! ) and she interrupted our lovely Greek dinner to say they had arrived instead of calling when she hit the island as she was meant to; then was bad-tempered because we weren't waiting for her. I was quite irritated by the time I'd been with her for a while, until my other friend just shrugged and smiled, and then later I realised the controlling woman was just miserable and anxious and went to give her a hug and encouraged her to talk and she calmed down. I'm so glad I didn't get hurt or cross now, it would have made things unpleasant for everyone.
Next Sunday is my sermon and I haven't written it, so that's where most spare energy will go this week.
do you have a topic?
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My energy will mostly go on my many groups this week, I have extra with 4 July week.
Ex is sorting out the COBRA insurance, which I am going to take even though it will mean writing an $800 cheque- another month where all my money is accounted for.
It's panic-makign ina way that, except- every month I have exactly enough whatever happens, I always pay my bills and have no debt. Maybe that's perfect balance, for all I have is all I need?
Maybe squirreling away all the extra and trying to hang on to it stops some kind of energy flow around it?! I can see ex rolling his eyes in my mind as I type....but he needed extra money recently and it came to him, maybe he is not quite so cynical. He did give most of it away too, some to me so the summer was easier- Thank You ex, thank you G_d.
I say that a lot all the time now, thank you G_d. Every time something works or feels good, I am thinking it and recognising the day's blessings.
Now I ned to tackle my other secret source of anxiety- my taxes. Someone recommended H & R block, so I may try them.
I'm not very good at that kind of administration.
I sent out all my June invoices with July's dates on them! Fortunately, much of the work was for one big organisation and their administrator likes me 'cos I always stop to talk to her on my way past, she called me and is processing them & I can take in corrected duplicates to her tomorrow!
The little things working out give me such a sense of confidence these days....
