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is he an N?

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Lizbeth:
Hi Debbyo and welcome.

It's easier to say this from outside of a relationship, but please, please, practice no contact with this man and go on with your life.  Whether he is an N or not, he is a seriously screwed up individual who will make any woman's life a living hell.  His insecurities will destroy you in his attempt to constantly pump himself up.

You have children, let me tell you. prolonged contact with this type of person is going to affect them deeply, so be glad you are out and stay out.  The only thing that will help this man is prolonged therapy, and that is probably not going to happen.  It would entail too much work and too much self-realization on his part.  YOU CAN'T HELP HIM.

This man is not fit for ANYONE to live with, much less a woman with children in tow.  Feel sorry for him, but keep him out of your life.  The next woman he gets involved with is going to go through what you did or even worse.  Nothing you or anyone else can do will help or change him.  Only he can do that.

Good luck and stay strong.  You sound like a nice person who deserves so much more, and so do your children.

Lizbeth

lynn:
Hi Debbyo,

Welcome.  Lots of useful information at this board.  It can help you sort through your feelings and get a reality check.  

This guy does not sound like a man you would want to build a family with. Good for you for leaving.  You can't help him... he already thinks he is perfect.  It sound as though you have a lot to give to a relationship... give it to someone who appreciates YOU.

stay strong,

lynn

Anonymous:
Debbyo,

Sometimes people stay in bad relationships because they are afraid they will not find anyone else.  Afraid of lonliness.  I have no idea if that is of any influence to you, but I still wanted to mention, do not buy into the  ideas about age & finding a partner, that he has told you.  You, an older (than he) emotionally stable woman, will fair so much better than this "younger" emotionally barren, ill soul.

Move on completely from this life energy & spirit sucking entity.  You will only find yourself in complete & utter hell, if you deal with him in any way.

Though your concern about abandonning someone in need is appreciated, his healing path is not in your hands, but lies elsewhere.   He is too ill.  There is nothing you can do.   He is only able to seek out victims, prey upon them, abuse & use them.   Straight out of his own mouth (as your rendition of his words show) he is telling you that you will be chosen for that role if you have anything to do with him.    

In essence, should you stay, you will know exactly what you've signed up for.   In that case, how could you argue against your treatment & push for something healthier?  

Believe me when I tell you that there is a part of him that would tell you himself, to run, run, run from him, and don't look back, if he could.  In fact, many N's (which he seems to be at the least) do forewarn in this way.   The recipients usually make the understandable error of taking those comments in gest.   After all, why would we think someone is seriously sickly warning us of their intent to wreak havoc on our hearts, souls, lives...

Run for your life & for you sanity.   Anyone who has been involved with an N for an extended period will tell you that this is not an exaggeration by any means.   Perhaps even an understatement.  Thank your lucky stars your brush with N has been relatively unentangled, and short lived (though 3 mnths. of N madness may have feel like a decade) and erase this man from your world, completely.

The only thing to hold onto out of all of this, are flags to watch out for when meeting new men in the future.

Take good care...





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debbyo:
Thanks everybody - I really appreciate this great feedback. He emailed me and I told him that I wasn't willing to surrender all my needs to make him feel good. And a few other things - haven't heard a word back. Have blocked him on email. And he hasn't tried to call. I think he realises that I'm not willing to centre my world around him. And I laugh when I know what his reaction will be - that I'm very selfish, ungiving and unloving. Wow I've never come across anything like it. I kept thinking he will eventually be hit with a big realisation about what he is doing and be terribly sorry - wow that day might be the second coming it seems (ha ha). Thanks again everyone for taking the time out to talk to a stranger. And for the kind person who asked - yes, I'm fine - the age remark was cruel but really silly too (even the shock of hearing someone trying to be hurtful doesn't blind you to what a silly immature remark it is). Thanks again. I will read some more on this

Anonymous:
It is very encouraging to hear that you are staying away from this man. My concern is for your children.  Maybe you should avoid romantic relationships until you are able to make choices that don't put your children in danger. Moving to another state to live with a man after knowing him for so short a time is scary. Taking your children is even more scary.

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