Is it possible to have NC with the father of your children?

[lighter]

How could that work, or not work?

How much contact MUST I have with my ex, once I manage to scrape him off?

Can we designate a 3rd party go between as far as communicating about the children?  Esp since he doesn't really care about them past jerking me around with them?

[isittoolate]

Hi lighter

My first thought with the thread title was to  have a third party! And that person would not carry tales back and forth, would care for the children's welfare as much as you do, and always be there for you and them!

Good Luck and No Contact is what you are aimimg for!!

xx
Izzy

[bigalspal]

Hi Lighter,
I'm not sure this will help, but when I met my husband in 1992, he had a precious little boy from a previous marriage. She had cheated on him & just could not bear to face her if at all possible.
So, I just took over that role. I wrote the child support check. I went & picked him up from where ever he was. I became his scout mom. I took him shopping for school clothes. I made ALL the phone calls to arrange when & where to pick him up.
The ONLY thing my husband had to do was go to ONE teacher conference where it was just the parents & child & teacher. A one on one deal. I kept my mouth shut, but I was there for moral support. Get this: SHE was betrayed by her NEW husband. Just like she did my husband (her ex).
She called ME for moral support! I know, VERY weird! But she knew me very well by then & knew I wasn't a mean person. But boy did my husband enjoy the irony! He just stayed out of it.
I don't know if you have a person that that who could run interference for you.
But, It is possible. That precious "little" boy will be 23 years old this Saturday. And he LOVES me. We are very close.
Good luck!
Bigalspal

[lighter]

Thanks Izzy and pal:

I'm trying not to feel too guilty about dragging some poor schmoe into this mess but I honestly can't handle the contact. 

I pretty much expect him to fade away after it's all over with anyway..... probably be a non issue in a while but for now..... who to designate who to designate?

it'll be a an attorney during the proceeding... gaurdian ad litem?  After that..... not sure who.  Everyone has their own plates pretty full.  What a PITA to dump this on someone..... but I'm gonna ask anyway. 

[bigalspal]

Hey lighter,
Could you ask the court to appoint someone? At least in the beginning. I guess you could tell the judge (in private?) how you are feelling & maybe he/she could come up with a solution.
I bet there are all kinds of resources out there that we don't know about. There'sgotta be, right? Too many ugly divorces for there not to be.
Love,
Bigalspal

[lighter]

What I really need to do is get a gaurdian ad litem and then convince the court to order a physch evaluation for everyone involved. 

I wonder if I can request certain tests be given... or not?  How much does the court get to order?  Is anything up to the phychologist or what?