Maybe there is some truth in what Ami said."I have already made up my mind to take my xN back if he wants back." I have to be honest and say I have thought about it. I also, must say I am not proud of myself. I am really pretty disgusted with my thoughts. He left me for another woman, has not called once in 5 weeks, and I feel I can take him back and be happy! I know my thoughts are obscurd. How could I ever trust him again?
I would be consumed with thoughts of his whereabouts, what he would be doing, who is he with, why want he answer his phone, ect ect. YET, i can't get him off my mind& heart?? It is crazy insane I know it is, but I want him. Every since he left, I have been consumed with thought so him, night and day. Broken sleep, little appetite, staying at home, just consumed with him.
My therapist has told me NO CONTACT, and i have not made any. There is a 50% chance he want come back, or ever call me again. If he doesn't, someday I think I will be able to have a functional life. I will never forget him, and I will forever be looking over my shoulder for him, but I will not allow myself to contact him. I think if I call him, he will know he has all the power, and he will truly think he can have his cake and eat it too.
For now, I am just in the waiting to see what he is going to do stage. I promised myself& my therapist I would not call him, and I plan to stick by my promise. It is really really difficult to go on without him. I hate it when my friend tells me he has "put me on the shelf" for now. I hate that I allow anyone to "put me on the shelf."
Before him, I would never allow anyone to put me any place. I wish I knew what it is about him that makes me crazy. Like I said in my last response, him not contacting me is my saving grace. perhaps it will forever be that way. but, i sure do miss him like crazy.
Sweetgrass