Need a Hug and Some Support

[gratitude28]

First let me say I am sooooooo sorry I have not been helping others as much as I used to here. I will be back to normal once we are settled in our new house. We are in the States now and will soon be driving for three days with Mr. Henry to VA Poor Henry, as it turned out, had an awful skin infection. We have a great doctor here and he is doing very well and mending quickly.

Sooo.... what's my deal? Same old shit. Flew in from Japan- 34 hours of travel. No call, no email nothing from my family. I call the next day. My mother is like, "Oh, you're here. That's nice. We'll call when your dad is home." So, no call. I decided to be a pain in the ass and call them. Of course she was pretending to be nicer then because dad was there. Can you believe she didn't even ask to say hi to the kids??? Of course you can believe it. She whined that everyone had new houses but her and told my dad he "needs" to buy her a new house.

Talk to my sister. Of course she protects my mother, "Oh, I know she tried to call." Lie - the phone shows missed calls.

Okay, so the deal isn't that they give a rat's ass about me, but how they are going to turn this around to me ignoring them somehow. How are they going to use this????????? I f***ing hate being part of this group of f***ing loonies.

Love you all and thank you for alwyas being there.

Love, Beth

[James73]

Hey Beth, is that Henry the dog again? That little dude who went on a plane trip? Poor little chap having a skin infection, give him a pat on the head for me  Also you "f'ing loonies" sound like a pain in the doodah, sounds like its gonna be best just to ignore their attempts at blaming you for this that and the other, perhaps if they did you could just take the micky out of them and wind them up and watch em go, might be fun  If they start moaning just tell em to quit moaning that should shut em up, or roll your eyes at them "and say your not moaning AGAIN are you" 
Love ya
james

[lighter]

(((((Gratitude)))))) 

Sorry your family is dysfunctional. 

Even sorrier for your children's sake. 

Concentrate on filling your life with people who support and build you up. 

Trying to get your family to do a better job, isn't going to happen. 

It just keeps you busy banging your head against the wall..... takes up space you could be filling with worthy people, IMO

I hope you start posting more soon. 

[mountainspring]

((((((Beth)))))  It sounds like they are playing crazymaking games with you.  I'm sorry you have to put up with that. 

[tayana]

((((((Hugs))))))))

So sorry you had to put up with all of that.

[sea storm]

Hey Beth,

Sood to hear from you. Pooooooor doggy.  That flight is one of the most exhausting things ever. Did it twice. It is a wonder people go to japan.

How predictable of N mommie. It wasn't all about her so how tedious and boring. Better to talk about wanting a new house than welcome back precious treasure daughter. CAn you imagine in a million years greeting your daughter and your grandkids like that?????? You deserve so much more.

I agree with James et al.   Find your pod of people who love you and stick with them.

Lots of love,

Sea storm

[Sela]

Aw (((((((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))))),

It's so hard not to keep hoping that things will be different..........that these people in your family will give a flying hoot....this time......that some miracle will happen and they will see the errors of their ways......that they will be sorry for the past and care about now and the future.....especially.....about their relationship with you.

I'm so sorry.  It doesn't seem like it's going to happen, Beth.

They will never likely give a fig because they are unable to.  There are wires missing that usually connect thought to feeling, others broken or never installed that hook reality and truth up to hearing and speech and most of all....thought...... and so they will not likely ever say what's right or see anything wrong.  It's like having a purple car and wishing it were yellow.   You could go to the moon and when you get back ....you'd have to do the calling and the reception would be the same:  nothing.....no biggie......no warmth or happiness. If you ask what the problem is?  
 You'll get excuses......lies.......twisted garbage and then.....blamed.  It's how they function.

The hardest thing is giving up hope that it will change.  

Maybe you could alter your hope to something like:

"It will probably not happen and I will live my life in serenity and as peacefully as I can, keeping my own power, regardless of whether or not they ever give a hoot or behave as if they do toward me".

I betcha we've all been there too many times, so you're not alone in your hurt.  It hurts big time and will keep hurting as long as we expect humanity from those who don't have any.  To stop the hurt......we have to give up our greatest expectations, I think.  Not an easy task but it is doable, as many here have prooven.  Hope this helps Beth.

Sela

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))))))))


This cousin is so glad you're home!

Hops

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
   I have been thinking about you and your trip. Glad you are back here. Did you say that you speak 'Russian or another language and teach it? I have been meaning to ask you. I so admire people who speak other languages.
  As far as your parents. I did not recognize this 'crazy making" type of behavior until recently. I told my   mother  she  "victimizing me". I said that I would only accept e mails b/c she was "waiting to get me" on the phone. She turned the whole thing around that she was not going to LET me be  a victim ,so she was not going to have contact with me. When she punished me sufficiently, she called with an attitude  like,"I am so gracious that even though you should be punished, I am bestowing my call on you."
  At that moment, I saw crazy making behavior and i started getting free.
   Beth   , Sela talked about hope. I think that you are holding on to hope( as I am). I don't know if I will ever heal sufficiently to let go of it. I hope so,
  It would have to be the grace of God ,only, that could get rid of hope in me.There is something in you that wants your mother to love you. That is how I see it.
  I have been thinking of calling mine, now, that I am doing so well.I think  that maybe I can make it O.K. Then, I think of the incident above and don't do it.
  It is really awful. It would be so much better if they had schizophrenia or something obvious (in a way)where they could not "lie" to others and then blame you for being unforgiving or ignoring them.
  I am so very sorry , Beth. I am in the same boat as you-- with the pain and heartache of an N mother.(((((((((((((((((Beth))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))               Love   Ami

[gratitude28]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Thank you))))))))))))))))))))))))))  Everyone...

You all mean so much to me and have helpes me so much through this personal crisis. I spent the day with my hubby and the kids and our sweet cousin at SeaWorld and decided while there (you know... one of those decisions that makes itself when you let your mind wander) that I am expecting and anticipating again, which is always when there becomes a problem. You all hit it on the head... it's the games to let me know I am not important... The thing that really set me off is that I am so tired of my sister also playing.

At any rate, I am going to turn it around and be grateful for what I do have - a mother-in-law I love so much, a husband who understands, great kids, all of you who are like family and truly understand.

I want to write more to you individually and will do so as soon as I get a second.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love, Beth

[pennyplant]

Hi Beth,

I'm a little late to the thread.  Been wondering how the move went and all that.  Welcome home!  You know, I don't have any insight to offer!  To me it is so obvious that you are a great daughter and great person.  If your mother refuses to see it--then that is on her.  It is a shame, that is true.  But in this world there are so very many "sadly mistaken people" and I sure have no explanation for them.    They do hurt other people for no reason that I can see.  It is a heart-breaking thing.  Everyone is right with their advice, though.  If we can fill our lives with good people and good activities that we love, that is the secret to "getting over" our hurts.  It's hard though.  I'm struggling quite a lot lately with that myself.  But it really is the best answer.  I would say the less time you actually spend with or talking to your mother, the better.  I don't know how you can make peace with that.  Maybe it will come on its own over time.

You know, maybe on some level you are ready for the next part of the journey.  You have gained all this knowledge about Nism and all that other stuff we talk about here.  I find that being exposed to these people with the new knowledge does take out some of the sting.  Now it is like having a 3D example come to life directly from the pages of the N text book.  It is less about something being done to me now.  Actually I can only be that detached with my relatives.  Workplace situations still are causing me a great deal of stress and anxiety.  Not sure why that would be.  Maybe because it is daily.  Relatives are only every few weeks, if that.

Anyway, I bet you can do this, Beth.

Love, Pennyplant

[debkor]

Hey Beth,

Welcome home.  I bet you are exhausted. I'm glad Henery is doing better and how are your kids adjusting?  It's good to hear from you.  Oh and


BIG HUGS!!!!! BEAR HUGS!!!


Deb

[Stormchild]

the less time you actually spend with or talking to your mother, the better.  I don't know how you can make peace with that.  Maybe it will come on its own over time.

You know, maybe on some level you are ready for the next part of the journey.  You have gained all this knowledge about Nism and all that other stuff we talk about here.  I find that being exposed to these people with the new knowledge does take out some of the sting.  Now it is like having a 3D example come to life directly from the pages of the N text book.  It is less about something being done to me now ...

I can't add one thing to this. Pennyplant has said it all.

Welcome home, Beth. Glad you're back here and won't have that 14 hour time zone difference anymore, glad Henry is getting vet attention, glad you had that insight during your visit to SeaWorld.

Pennyplant has nailed it. Hold on to what you know. Watch how much more sense things make than they used to, now that you can see what goes on underneath. [Edit in: I don't say things will make GOOD sense. But they will make sense. You'll be able to understand why, a lot more than you ever used to.]

[teartracks]

Beth,

You're a busy girl.  Happy for the update. 

Would it help to write yourself a job description for dealing with the N's and their pawns?  Just a thought.  I do better if I write out instructions for myself. 

Sending my best to you, the kids, Henry and hubby.

Lots of hugs, OK...((((((((((((((((((((((((( ] Beth and family)))))))))))))))))))))))))

tt

[sally]

Dear Beth,

Welcome home.

Love,
Sally