Golden Child

[axa]

Beth,

I was not the golden child.  That all seems so far away I feel unable to comment about my situation but I had such an experience with xn.

He had 2 kids.  Son was abused, devalued in the most vicious way.  D was the golden child.  She paid such a price for that.  On the surface he seemed to adore her, gave her everything she wanted but in reality she is the most abused.  I told her brother once that he was the lucky one.  He saw what was going on she did not.  She is so hooked into the madness that her life willbe messed up forever.  IMO the golden child is the most damaged.  She is in a continious cycle of desperatly hungry for the attention and when she gets devalued she is devestated.  She knows nothing other than she wants Ns attention but she pays the price for it, always waiting hoping and getting the high when she receives it. 

I think the most abusive place to be is to be the golden child

axa

[Lupita]

This thread makes me vomit, disgusted, mad, upset, nausiated, everything you can imagine.
The narcissist mother has one child the golden child and one child the escape goat. The other children do not count. CB123 has a very nice post about this.
The golden child mirror the mother and the escape goat gets blamed for everything.
The children do not communicate among eachother if not only but through the mother. N mother is the center for everything. She controls everything.
I discovered that I feel so bad when somebody gives me a bad look. when I have problems at work I feel a fearful sensation, and I noticed that it is the same sensation I have when my mother gives me bad looks. She always gave me bad looks. I told her one day that when I am with her it feels like I am at work. A friend told me that it is viceverse. Because my mother came first in my life I feel with my mother when I am at work. Not the opposite. I just felt it the opposite.
I dont hate my sister, it is not her fault that my mother chose her. I do not hate my mother, but I am mad at her.

[JanetLG]

Lupita,

This is spot on:
"The children do not communicate among each other if not only but through the mother. N mother is the center for everything. She controls everything."

Even when I was in my late twenties, me, my sister and my brother (and boyfiends/girlfriends) were REQUIRED to visit my NMum  (and my Dad, but he didn't count, in my NMum's opinion) EVERY Sunday afternoon. Never mind if we had our own lives to lead - we had to work around what I called 'paying homage'. She'd sit there in the living room, and we were sometimes allowed to 'report' what had happened during the week, so that she could give her opinion on it. Then she'd tell us how HER week had been (went on for hours). We were severely discouraged from talking among ourselves, if she had to go out of the room for any reason.

Sounds crazy, now. Back then, I thought it was normal.

Janet

[isittoolate]

Scott Peterson was dubbed the 'Golden Child' and look at him!

In jail for double murder

[Hopalong]

Ewwwwww Janet.
Is that a horrible example of what many of we daughters-of-Ns came to view as Normal?
Oh my gosh.

And how wonderfully well you have come through all that. Likeable, smart, and growing. Bravo!

Ewww again.

xo
Hops

[JanetLG]

Hops,

Thanks very much for your post - that's very sweet of you to say that.

Sovereign + Safe,

Although I hated what I went through, I believe that I'm in a better place now than my Nsister is. She's got no real 'life' of her own. She's just a clone of my mother. She was always 'empty' emotionally, when we were in our teens (I don't think my NMum targetted her much before I reached puberty - then it got a lot worse, and she needed a Golden Child more, then). I'm concerned that my sister has two children of her own - and one of them is a girl, so I reckon that one's in for a hard time being targetted. The older boy might be the Golden Child, eventually. Their father is sidelined already, just as my father was in our family.

I must get around to reading 'Children of the Self-Absorbed'!!


Janet