Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
My parents have barely spoken to me since Dec 2001
Tamara J:
I have to say that I'm very sorry for what they have done to you. I can totally relate to the anger and confusion. On one hand, I am very glad that I have cut my family out of my life, but it's still hard when they don't even ask why or treat you with any kind of concern. Holidays go by, and I am not thought of. But I guarantee you I am lied about and spoken of.
It does seem ironic how N's use religion to their benefit. Both of my nutso Nparents do this. One thinks he's "born again" and will talk about being a "Christian husband" (his second wife has left him and he makes her life miserable while trying to convince others he's suffering). The other one has just recently switched to Lutheran from Catholic and thinks the pastor should have given her a walk because she has all kinds of dinner parties for them and volunteers at the church. Neither one of them act anything like a Christian and away from the church, they're just as selfish and self-absorbed as can be. The fact that your father threatened you with a baseball bat makes me laugh. At his ignorance. I think having a glass of wine and not going to church all the time is quite tame compared to this sh*t! Some Christian he is. God must be proud. :roll:
Don't feel bad that these people aren't talking to you. It sounds like you'll do much better to stay away from them. It doesn't seem like you're like them and you can thank God for that! It will get easier, but concentrate on yourself and your wife and children. They need you more than the rest of them.
Anonymous:
I was just grieving and he offered to help me get through the grieving part If I needed it.
I've spent so many nights trying to figure out what happened, I feel very angry that I lived so clueless for so long. I tended to defend their very bad behavior to my wife. I couldn't understand her point of view for so long. I'm amazed she put up with me and them for so long.
As several of you could tell, my parents are very dogmatic, conservative Baptists. My father is a minister. My mother is a typical church lady. In the past I got upset with them because they treated my wifé's family badly when they attended church with us. (On very rare occasions - very brave of them in hindsight. ) Finally when confronted about her bad behavior towards my in-laws, my mother said they "could all go to hell!" This coming from a minister's wife who life I thought was in service to God and others.
When we moved back to town we started getting prank phone calls. We could hear no one on the other side. They came at all times of the day or night. We changed our phone number - it was supposed to be unlisted - until the calls started again and we found out that the phone company had made a mistake. The calls were untraceable - we had contacted the police and sued to get our phone records. We suspected my mother was behind this. (I guess the phone calls right before church services started ( to see if we were going somewhere - were the biggest clue ) Eventually we got fed up and my wife with my blessing, sent them a desist letter stating that we suspected them of the prank calls and that they were to stop it and that she was setting up boundaries and if they crossed them she would seek legal action. ( She works for an attorney)
Well the phones calls stopped overnight! I was shocked again. My mother ? I thought she cared about me deep down! Why would she torture her son and her grandchildren?? I was very angry. Eventually the calls started again and we changed our number to an unlisted number again. Finally no more calls.
Why was I so blind all these years? I was a good son and I kick myself for not raising hell when I was younger. I should have had more fun, I was so responsible, I was so boring, I was so afraid to dissapoint them. Now look where I'm at. They don't even care. What a waste of my life. I can't even go to church anymore because I see the phoniness of the pastors. I see them as manipulative and controlling - wanting to üse" our family in some way. I have a hard time wth "church ladies" acting all nice, concerned, caring, but knowing they will stab you in the back and twist the knife with a grin on their face the first chance they get.
They say absolute power corrupts absolutely. I think that is what happened to my parents. They are unaccountable to anyone but God for their actions. There are no boards, no committees , no bishops etc in their denomination. My dad is unchallanged by anyone. He has some power over his congregants and will eventually "get rid" of any who challange him.
I'm sorry for my novels. I'm still smarting after all these months. I am seeking answers I guess - does anyone out ther feel angry or remorse for wasting their years not having more fun? - more wild times, for not getting fed up sooner. for not getting a "voice" sooner?
For allowing their wife and children be made to feel inferior, or used, and manipulated.
mrt:
the previous post was by mrtraced. I'm still figuring out this post system.
Peanut:
Welcome, MrTraced:
--- Quote ---Now look where I'm at. They don't even care. What a waste of my life.
--- End quote ---
The fact that they appear not to care does NOT make your life a waste; not by a long shot.
You are raising a family about which you obviously care very much, and they for you...that's a lot.
It's important for us to untwist some of our distorted thoughts about ourselves that are created by interactions with our N parents.
Welcome to the board. Regards, Peanut
mrt:
Thanks everyone for your empathy and kind concern. Knowing that I'm not alone and that others have dealt with N people is very reassuring that I haven't over-reacted or that I'm not crazy for feeling extreme frustration and anger in dealing with my N parents.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version