Well, I don't recall any comments...ever. But here's the story of the education I received from my old-fashioned ( ?), sexually repressed ( ?), self-centered ( !!), extremely N'ish mother. And I hope you don't mind a true story here, since there are no memorable quotes to record. Anyhow, here goes...
At about age 12, she gave me a little booklet she'd gotten from Kimberly Clark company, I think it was... with diagrams of the female anatomy and a description of the changes which take place at puberty.
Actually, I don't think she gave it to me. Seems like I found it in my room, where she'd left it. It came along with a little packet of sample products.
Anyhow, I poured over that little book and thought... Wow! Interesting!
Just the way she'd handled the whole thing let me know that this was a forbidden topic, along with so many other forbidden topics.
(Asking about anything was out of the question, because even just a simple "why" implied some doubt that mother's way might be questionable, which brought about an immediate cold-shoulder.)
So... it never occurred to me to ask any questions and she never asked whether I had any.
Nearly 2 years later, I actually started my period, while at brother and sis-in-law's home for a dinner. At least I knew what was going on.
I told my mother (wish I could remember what she said...) and she discretely turned the matter over to my sis-in-law, who was kind enough to provide the necessary supplies. Still, never any discussion, just... always on my own with the implication that this wasn't something a dignified person would ever mention.
There were a few tampons in that sample box, but I couldn't use then, and I had no idea why, nor did it occur to me that the reason why would become obvious the first time I tried to have sex.
Mother never took me to a doctor, so there was no opportunity to discover my particular situation.... so - my first sexual experience came along with a horrible, bloody mess, 2 trips to the ER, and multiple stitches. Still she didn't say a word. (I know she saw all the blood on my clothing. I don't recall trying to hide it, although the whole thing is rather blurry.)
Years later, when I had my third daughter, it was immediately obvious in changing her diaper that her vaginal opening was covered by skin. Her pediatrician told me that this flap of skin may or may not change/disappear over time.
So... my mother knew I had this, but she never told me.
I vaguely remember hearing that, as an infant, my urethral passageway or whatever you call it had been covered over, requiring some procedure to remove that skin so that baby-me could urinate. Guess they didn't open the rest... and, what, she didn't notice? She didn't think it would matter to me? She hoped it would go away or if I suffered some consequence from it, then that was my problem? I don't know what she knew or thought... probably not much, since it didn't revolve around her... but I have told my daughter about her own situation so that she'd never have to wonder or suffer. And to this day, I've never discussed any of this with my mother. What would be the point? She did "the best she could". Maybe she was going to tell me about it the day of my wedding? heh. If I put myself into the position of finding out before that day, then... my bad.
But behind all of this is alot more than being "old fashioned", I know.
Behind it all seems to be the over-arching principle on her part to protect herself, regardless of how her methods of holding together her image might impact me.
So I see that a person can be just as hurtful and neglectful in what she/he doesn't say, as in what actually does come out of her/his mouth.
I'm "old-fashioned". I do hope and pray that my daughter will wait until marriage to have sex... and she knows that. She also knows that it's her decision when to have that physical barrier remedied and that I'll support her in that choice.
I'm glad for this thread, because it's time that I remind her of that and assure her once again that my interest is in protecting and supporting her, not in controlling her or molding her into some image of... mock perfection.
Thanks again for this thread. Helps to review this in context of everything else I've come to "see".
Love,
Hope
